Fifty Degrees of Love
by klcm
Summary: SEQUEL to 'A Heart Worth Fifty Shades'... Ana and Christian find out how many degrees there are to their love... Is it enough to save them when life takes an unmentionable turn?
1. Forgive and Forget Forever

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_Here it is! The sequel to the sequel... I've made a trilogy! Boom! So... New adventure for our pair and it's going to be nail bitingly juicy ;) _

_I hope you enjoy... Longer chapters to come! Promise! _

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter One

* * *

What was the stupid argument about again?

She didn't even know now, but she knew was stupid and insignificant. It didn't matter, it was pointless, but it had sent her husband on the warpath and he left for a business trip before the crack of dawn and before kissing her goodbye.

Their last moments before he went away were rife with cold attitude and hurtful words and now she had been in this house on her own now for thirty two hours and if she had to admit it, she was close to crawling the walls.

Admitting defeat, she picked her phone up off of the side and went straight for Christian's number. Taking her fingers on Christian's desk before her – a place she had sat for hours already – and waited for him to pick up.

"Ana," Christian's tone became across the phone line taut and hard. "I said I would see you when I was home."

"I'm sorry," Ana spoke over him fiercely. She wanted this over. This had run well over its course.

And then it seemed her husband broke, "Me too," He whispered back, the harshness disappeared and back was her sweet man. "God, baby, we fought for no reason whatsoever and I regret it."

"Me too," She replied in a similar manner to him. "I don't even remember what the argument was about, but I hate it. I want you home." Her last sentence was more or less a whimper of sorts, a cathartic plea, a yearning to have him here.

"I am coming home," Christian breathed down the line. "Don't ever let me leave the house again with an argument between us. I hate it. I never want that to happen.

"Never," Ana responded breathlessly and her voice became nothing more than a whisper, "I love you so much, Christian. The past two days have been horrible."

"They're over now," Christian soothed her instantly in a calm tone. It was as though she had broke the ice and with his mood, he was less fierce and dominating now. "I just want to be home with you now, baby."

Ana's smile finally replaced the sad expression she had been wearing and she was more at ease. "Then hurry up and come home, Mr Grey, and just think of the makeup session waiting for you," Ana literally purred at him over the phone. She was now filled with excitement rather than guilt and worry. Her husband was coming home to her – not for an argument, but to make love to her.

Exactly how it had been for the past fourteen months of their marriage.

Sinking back into her seat, Ana felt relaxed and content all over again. Her nerves weren't doing some manic dance on her and she wasn't in a panic that she would go home to ice kingdom like they had left it.

* * *

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Problematic

**Date: **_14__th__ June 2014, 11:09_

**To:** Anastasia Grey

_I never wanted to leave the house this morning like. Now I don't want to leave the make up._

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

**From:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Tempting

**Date: **_14__th__ June 2014, 11:11_

**To:** Christian Grey

_I feel the same but our empires don't run themselves. Save it, Mr. Grey. I can tell you now I will be at home waiting for your last meeting to end._

Anastasia Grey

CEO, Fifty Shades Publishing House

* * *

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** Not helping

**Date: **_14__th__ June 2014, 11:15_

**To:** Anastasia Grey

_Oh, six PM is just too far away. You, my wife, are just a minx._

_P.S. I will never get used to the new publishing house in Seattle._

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

Ana smirked as she read that last piece of the email.

Ana understood that writers came in all shapes and sizes with all differing types of imaginations and each needed to be nourished and inspired to the best of their ability. Just like her husband, people had imaginations of fifty shades. Some could bring in a romantic novel filled to the hilt with love and sex and passion and then the next novel they produced could be dark and devilish. Ana loved that about authors.

It was what she valued most.

* * *

**From:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** I had great inspiration

**Date: **_14__th__ June 2014, 11:21_

**To:** Christian Grey

_You seem to get I speak from experience. I love my fifty shades, baby. Each and every one of them. I could never love you less for them. Like my authors, I could never love them less._

Anastasia Grey

CEO, Fifty Shades Publishing House

* * *

**From:** Christian Grey

**Subject:** I'm proud of you

**Date: **_14__th__ June 2014, 11:24_

**To:** Anastasia Grey

_It's that passion that makes you a good CEO, Mrs. Grey. Don't ever forget that._

_Right, duty calls. Why did I want to become a CEO again? _

_I miss you, baby. Cannot wait until tonight._

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc.

* * *

**From:** Anastasia Grey

**Subject:** Think of me...

**Date: **_14__th__ June 2014, 11:28_

**To:** Christian Grey

_... in my underwear on our bed. That'll make the meeting fly by._

_Back to business - If I knew the answer to that, then I would know why I chose to build a publishing house from scratch._

_Now pull on your big boy pants, and I'll see you tonight._

Anastasia Grey

CEO, Fifty Shades Publishing House

* * *

Not expecting a reply, Ana just held her phone up to her chest and smiled pleasantly to herself. An argument had disrupted her morning, but now she was living the high life back in the good books with her husband.

They had spent the past fourteen months of marriage in bliss. With normal arguments over socks left lying around, using all the towels up, makeup wipes left of the side. Hell even arguing over meetings and late nights, early mornings and working lunches. It never seemed to matter once they were forgiven for it. They always made it through like they had today.

They had spent the first year of their marriage exploring – Travelling the world, exploring their relationship and they found they were more than a little made for one another. They mad love in Paris, London, Madrid, Japan, Australia. You name it the pair had built their own empires and searched the four corners of the world as well.

And neither regretted the hectic lifestyles because they both lived together – side by side, together, hand in hand.

With the happiness in her system, Ana spent her day with a smile on her face and quite literally skipped home.

Tonight was going to be another notch in her martial bedpost.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Hearing her husband opening the door, Ana got up, Christian's shirt falling back down her body and she ran across the wooden flooring, sliding until she met him. Their bodies collided with fierce emotion and Ana kissed her husband as though he were her only liturgy and need for breathing.

"Hey Baby," Christian murmured as they broke away. He could see by the spark in her eyes that just lured him right in, "You look happy to see me."

"Gail's gone shopping. Sawyer's busy," She told him, lips pressed against one another as he walked her away from the front door. She had given everyone an excuse to leave the apartment but remain close. She wanted no disruptions apart from the ones her husband would be causing.

"Good, Taylor's parking up and running checks. He said he to not wait," Christian replied back, taking the moment in his hands.

Ana giggled, "Then let's not wait." She saw Christian take the moment and he picked her up. Pinned against the wall, she wasn't even touching the ground. Her legs were around Christian's waist; her arms snaked around his neck, their lips on an assault of one another.

"I'm sorry," Christian almost killed the moment with his apology.

"You don't know what you're sorry for. It was stupid argument, Christian. We were both running our mouths off." She pushed her hands through his hair and leaned in, "I'm not wearing knickers for a reason."

Christian literally released a feral growl as his sexual pull to his wife magnify beyond belief. He made quick work to unzip his pants and pushed them and his boxers down. He didn't keep his wife waiting long in anticipation as he pushed into already wet core and her back sat flush against the wall as he pulled out and thrust into her harder. Her body losing all muscular strength with each pull back of his penis before slamming into the wall in absolute pleasure.

She gasped and lavished the fell of her back hitting the wall and her husband building the arousal of the moment. He held her up, with her legs wrapped around his waist, his hands clawing her back as he neared his own orgasmic high.

As Ana came, her legs tightened around Christian's hips and waist and she whispered his name into his ear as though it were all she could say. This was their forgiveness. This throe of passion only proved that the argument earlier was long forgotten and wasn't driving them apart.

He kept her going until he caved and hit his own orgasm and then just stood, holding her up the best he could, gasping and panting with the lust they had just created around them.

"Let's not leave it to an argument for me to come home to you pantie-less," Christian replied with a keen smirk and a hooded gaze as he felt sated.

Ana giggled, this was the welcome home she had come to love.

_Dirty Mr and Mrs Fifty Shades._


	2. These Types of Goodbyes

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_Long arse chapter, guys! But well, I know you won't complain ;) I won't promise every chapter will be this length, but it would be nice if they were! Enjoy and thank you for the response! You are phenomenal!_

_Now enjoy the love ;)_

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Two

* * *

"Christian," Ana whispered in the middle of the night. She kissed his chest before whispering out again, "Christian." She heard him mumble so she moved to his ear, "Christian."

It was a ritual. If one of them couldn't sleep then they woke the other up and lay awake until sleep captured them.

"Christian," She whispered again as his eyes finally opened a little to look at her. He quickly shut them and turned to the clock and she knew he was going to complain.

"Baby, it's not even 4AM," Christian managed to say whilst still asleep.

"I know it is," Ana replied and laid onto his chest. "I just wanted to savour every moment with you before you go away tomorrow."

Christian yawned, "Baby, it's 4AM," He repeated his earlier reply and gave her a smile, "We have a busy day tomorrow and I don't want you to be grouchy for our lunch."

"I just can't sleep," Ana replied and gave him a pout that only just showed up in the moonlight that entered through into the room.

"Come here," He mumbled as he drifted back off and pulled her in close so her head was on his chest. She knew she should sleep but her mind just wouldn't turn off on her and instead she just lay listening to him sleep.

However, it did nothing to help her sleep. She wasn't getting any sleep right now, and she wasn't prepared to lay there with her eyes squeezed shut attempting to sleep. Finally giving up, Ana got herself up and went and slumped into the armchair opposite the bed – the one her husband like to occupy when he was sleepless or home late from a business trip.

She kept one of her favourite books nearby for nights like this and upon taking it she got lost in its pages. As the book began to steal her and set her lose in a new world, Ana caught a glimpse of the scar down her arm from the surgery to help fix the bone align and she smiled weakly at the memories that flooded her. Forgotten was her book, as she remembered waking up to Christian beside her and all her qualms of how she had let him go dispersed. There were no letdowns in this life anymore. There were no moments that she believed she was no enough for him and there were no areas of the life that panicked her.

She was faithful to her husband, and she knew without any inkling of doubt that he was beyond faithful to her. There was just no questioning there. She never sat at home wondering and turning herself into a possessive housewife.

Resting the book to her lap, Ana found herself beginning to drift off to sleep as she just thought over her and Christian's marriage and deep down, she wished she had Stephen to thank for it all. Without that, they wouldn't have become the couple they were. They wouldn't have the strength and conviction to love each day like they had.

Ana finally slept with one thought in her mind – her and Christian were like no other married couple. They were their own special brand and she loved knowing that love would prevail for them – always.

Opening her eyes again, she found her face flat against ruffled sheets, her hair straggling in front of her face and she shot up. She quickly looked to the clock on the bedside table and turned too much and fell out of bed.

Hastily she got up and started running around the room, "Shit, shit, shit," was all she could mutter as she realised she should be leaving for work in about fifteen minutes time. She had overslept and her husband had let her!

Grabbing panties and a bra, Ana rushed into the large closest and stripped off her pyjamas and quickly worked on getting her an outfit together. She grabbed herself a black pencil skirt and an emerald green peplum top and made even quicker work to get them on.

Ana didn't care about the time as she placed her watch on, she just raced into the bathroom to finish getting herself ready for the work day. Looking into the mirror she felt like God was on her side as she realised her hair wasn't a big of a messy as she thought it was going to. Grabbing a bunch of clips she worked on pinning it up into a loose bun, a couple of pieces falling free for effect and she felt impressed with her rushed attempt.

In the same manner, she worked her makeup on and then rushed out of the bathroom and towards the door, grabbing a pair of heels ready to put on so she could leave as soon as she was done with seeing her husband, scolding him and grabbing something to eat.

"Why didn't you wake me?" She asked as she entered the kitchen.

Christian looked at her with a confused look, "Why, what's the time?"

Ana scowled, "About an hour after the time I needed to get up."

"Shit, Baby, I'm sorry. I was in my study fixing a different flight time as the business meetings been move forward a day," Christian apologised, realising he had been sat in the kitchen for a lot longer than her had thought.

"We're still on for lunch right?" Ana asked trying to not be too disappointed. She didn't want him to go away without them having some time for themselves beforehand. If he was going now, she wouldn't even get a breakfast with him because she didn't have time to kick back and enjoy a long meal to start the day on.

She had just enough time for breakfast on the run.

"Of course, except I'll have to go off straight after," Christian smiled at her and took her all in. "You look beautiful by the way."

"Thank you," She accepted his compliment as he tried to butter her up for letting her sleep in. "I can't hang around. I've rushed to get ready and I need to get to work and prepare for a meeting I have at half nine."

"Don't worry, Ana. It's just you looked so peaceful when I put you back into bed and I got carried away with sorting all this business shit you," He began to trail off but his wife stopped him.

"It's fine," She calmed him and gave a bright smile. How could she hold a grudge against this man? "I'll see you for lunch, Baby," Ana kissed her husband and ran from the door, coat in hand, oversized clutch under her arm and a piece of toast between her lips.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Ana stabbed her salad with her fork and released an unhappy sigh. Slowly she rose her gaze and set it upon her husband, offering him a smirk as she did so. From his expression she could tell he had been watching her for a while and she just took her forkful of salad and quickly ate it as if nothing was wrong.

"You're getting stabby there, Mrs. Grey," Christian pointed out, settling his own fork down to the side. "What gives?" He saw her go to ignore him, even argue with going into this chat, "Well?"

"I just don't want you to go," She whined and she knew it sounded pathetic but she couldn't help it. "It just feels like work is consuming us both and I want a week off with you, Christian. A week to just," She broke off her own sentence and offered him a smile. Words didn't need to be used right now.

"Well, we can always disappear to our little apartment in Paris?" Christian replied, willing to keep this happy state of blessed marriage at the level it was. "Once I've wrapped this meeting up we can sort out everything here and jet off. I want to make up for all these business deals going on."

"We both need to," Ana commented and was beginning to like the idea of escaping life for a few weeks. Hell, who wouldn't mind escape life with _the_ Christian Grey?

"Well it's a good thing that the stresses will all end soon and we'll just have time to be Mr and Mrs Grey," Christian quite literally purred at her with the anticipation of the break coming to them. Life as CEOs was a killer but it didn't hinder any aspects of their marriage. Why dwell on the business trips when you could use them to your advantage?

However, life almost wasn't that simple. Ana could almost see how different life could have been for them.

Ana remembered how she had a scare a few months back where her periods had become nonexistent and they assumed that just after their first anniversary they had conceived their first child. For a split second of their life together they had thought back moving out of Escala and started a new life – a family life.

However, when Ana got her period a few days later the dream was crushed and even Dr. Greene assumed it had to be stress that was doing it. In hindsight, Ana was under pressure with her new business – Fifty Shades Publishing – and she was trying to set herself apart. She was stressing herself out to make something of her own and in turn her body suffered.

She often wondered what it would have been like had she been pregnant. If it were so, she would have been nearing four months pregnant and her and Christian would probably be looking into a new home and finding ways to bend their careers around the life of a family.

Christian watched the thoughtfulness cast upon Ana's beautiful features as though it were a black cloud and he reached across the table to catch her hand in his, "Baby, what's on your mind?" He watched her blue eyes lift to meet his careful gaze, "It's more than just me going away isn't it?"

Realising a sigh, Ana let her shoulders fall, "I know it's stupid and I'm still young but, I just sometimes wonder what it'd be like if I were actually pregnant." She watched him give her a small smile, "The amount of love that baby would get is unreal, Christian. I just sometimes wish it wasn't a scare."

"One day, Ana, you're going to find out you're pregnant and it'll be the best damn day of our lives," Christian told her sternly, giving her the support and encouragement he always did. "Believe me," He pressed on, "All that love you have now will only transfer onto the baby we're going to have." He carried on surveying his wife's expression and took a breath himself, "I know at first I wasn't warm to the idea. I mean the doubts I have in myself aren't what they were but they leave me wondering but, I know you won't ever let me be anything but the best. Now, I cannot wait to start a family with you."

"Thank you," Ana whispered back at her husband emotionally. She loved how he trusted her, how he believed in the words she told him and she loved the way that their future was set in stone with one another.

"No thanks necessary. I keep you up and you keep me up," He told her, giving her hand a squeeze, "That is how we work, Mrs. Grey."

Smiling wistfully at the thoughts in her head about their future, Ana tilted her head and stared at her man dreamily, "And who was it that didn't let you run out of the house believing you'd be an awful father?" She asked and saw him give her a knowing look, "And who was it that sat you down and told you exactly what type of man you would be to our future children?"

"You," Christian all but whispered at her in earnest.

"And when you started to go into alpha-fifty mode, who was it that shut you that very moment?" She asked, a mirthful tone beginning to take over her tone as the laughter began to rile together in her the pit of her stomach at how right she was.

Christian shot her a look, and then a grin, "You, my ever forceful wife. You were the one that stopped me from running from the moment and you were the one that calmed my woes again and you are the only woman that ever loved me enough to show that I can love enough and that I will love enough."

"And one day, your son will be the little Casanova that you were," Ana quipped sarcastically.

"I hope not," Christian laughed as he imagined a son like him. "He can look like me and be as driven as I am, but he dare use and abuse women and I'm cutting him off."

Letting out a loud burst of laughter, Ana covered her mouth to stop any more attention being driven onto her and she didn't need to imagine how serious Christian was being right now. "Okay, okay, I don't want him being _exactly_ like you because even I wonder about the pre-fifteen sometimes but, the heart and flowers you, Christian, is one of my favourite qualities you have. He can definitely have that part of you."

"Oh, and what are my other favourite qualities that you happen to love?" Christian asked, trying to play his serious to the extreme but was failing.

"Now, now, Mr. Grey, that would be telling and that would be a shame to spoil the marriage by sharing it with your ego," Ana joked and made her husband laugh with her. "Although I love your ego from time to time."

"And I love that sharp wit of yours that I am subjected to, so I think we're even," Christian quipped and settled into the moment. "I wish you were coming with me."

"I can't cut out on these meetings, Baby, you know that. If I could I would be right there with you." She apologised immensely all over again, "Like the good wife should be."

"You're a good wife regardless of whether you were with me here or there, Ana. Never doubt that. You are possibly the best wife ever and I never dreamt I would be this lucky to have a woman like you waiting on me when I got home," Christian complimented her with such sincerity that it almost oozed from the words. "I love that I get you to come home to," Christian admitted as he had done for the past year, "I do have one request though.

Ana gave him a curious look before asking, "What's that?"

"Wear a pair of panties I can easily rip off," He gave her a seductive smirk and took a sip of his wine, not adding to that sentence. No other words were needed to explain how welcoming his homecoming would be.

Licking her lips in anticipation Ana mentally reminded herself that would be still be at least 5 days away and she resulted in biting down on her lip. Again, she mentally scolded herself because doing that only made this harder for her husband who was staring at her already like he was a predator.

With pleasure, Ana decided to get her husband turned up just for fun and she bit down onto her lip and decided to finish her food up and see how this would play out.

"You're doing it on purpose," Christian commented as he shifted in his seat and tried to concentrate on finishing his lunch.

"Doing what?" Ana asked and pushed her meal around in its slightly curved plate, "You mean this?" She asked and bit her lip and looked at him as innocently as she had spoken. Releasing her lip, she giggled as her husband gave her a fierce look and she knew she had got him how she wanted.

"You're making this a lot harder to go away," Christian merely commented and his tone was drowned with negativity. "I don't even have time to drag you into the restroom and just lock you up for a few minutes."

"We can try," Ana tried but when she looked at her watch she realised that their time together was almost up. "Well shit," Ana mumbled as her time with her husband was closing in to a nasty end.

"Yeah," Christian mastered and looked at his own watch, "Fuck it," He said and got up and looked at her, "Meet me in the men's in two minutes."

Dropping her fork down onto her plate, Ana grinned at the impending lust that was going to be her rapture and waited it out. Picking her phone up, she dropped Hannah a text to say she was running behind and would be later back. Thank Christ for an understanding PA! She then dropped her phone into her bag and headed for the restrooms.

She found Christian by the door and decided she wanted to go to the ladies rather than the men's After all, it had to be more hygienic right? Which girl wanted to have sex with her God like husband with a urinal in view? No sane woman that was who. Feeling her husband not put up a fight, she pulled him in and checked it was empty before going to pop the lock over on the door.

Turning to face her husband, she approached him and raised her hands to his face, "We have to be quick before Taylor comes to remind that your flight won't wait."

"Trust me, I'm ready," He told her ambiguously, he was ready to jet off and he was ready to take her.

Her mercurial man, dressed in a simple black suit, crisp white shirt and a minimal stripped tie had never look more delicious to her than right now. She knew he was ready, and so was she. He did nothing that showed a strain. He lifted her body weight enough to allow his hands to press her pencil skirt up her thighs and give him easy access. She heard him pull his zipper down and she pressed a little against his chest to slow down the moment a little.

"No panty ripping," She whispered at him, "I have to go to work after this."

Christian grinned at her, "I think I might supply you with a panty drawer at work just in case." He watched her laugh at him, "For emergency purposes."

"Oh, of course, just in case the inevitable happens," Ana muttered and stole the moment with a kiss. She continued to peck away at him, nibbling his ear lobe as he worked her panty's down her legs and pushed her skirt right up to her hips.

And then he pushed her back a little so her ass pushed onto the sink and her feet went to tip toes. She looked at him as he readied his erection and she saw that all knowing smirk he got when he knew this sex was going to out reign the sessions before – which, to Christian Grey, was always.

Sitting on the edge of the sink, Ana gripped on as he literally plunged into her red core and fulfilled the longing in her body. She felt her body tilt a little into the dip of the sink, but with Christian's large hands on her buttocks she knew she was going anywhere but to ecstasy.

He thrust in and out of her hastily, not just because of the time limit but the fact that he wanted her badly and the knocking on the door had started.

"Christian," Ana whispered as she gripped onto the collar of his blazer, her orgasm becoming harder and harder to control.

Christian moved his head to her ear, his breath hitting her shoulder and neck, "Just let go, Baby. It's not like it's our last time."

And so she listened and sent herself spiralling adorned in Christian's ability to make love to her wherever and whenever and gave herself willing to the orgasmic high even though her husband continued worshiping.

Ana literally fell against her husband's broad chest as pleasure wracked her body and set her into her own orgasmic rhapsody. As she felt him still his actions she fell him fill her and she just remained breathing against his chest as he panted into her hair.

"Now that is a farewell," Christian appreciated as he stood up a little straighter and withdrew from his wife. He wished her could smother her body in much more than just one round of sex but he knew that Taylor would come looking for them anytime soon and he needed to get to this business deal before he got the luxury of his wife.

"It's not a farewell when you're coming back," Ana scolded him gently as she pushed off of him and gave him a weak smile. "I think these moments make it harder for me to let you." She hoped down, "I expect the most mind shattering sex when you're back."

"Anything for my incorrigible wife," Christian told her and just indulged in her sweet giggle as she played his innocent wife. He finally stepped back and allowed her to slip back to the ground whilst he tucked himself back into his boxers and fixed his pants back.

Both had to look expectable considering there was a lot of hubbub coming from behind the locked door now.

Pulling her panties up and her skirt down in haste, Ana turned and stared at her newly fucked appearance. It was a look she wore the hell out of and, in a strange way, it made her feel empowered and powerful to anyone who crossed her path. Smacking her lips together, she tried to settle her appearance a little and then looked at her husband who was staring at her in the mirror, "Will I do?"

Christian laughed, "Always." He then took her hand and unlocked the door, casually walking out, disregarding the line of women and the waiters that had assumed what was going on. Never letting go of her hand, Ana just followed like a giggling school girl and watched as Christian put down the money on their table with a more than healthy tip and alerted the waitress who had been serving them and left.

Going out into the open, both Taylor and Sawyer stopped talking and got ready to go their separate ways – Sawyer with Ana and Taylor going to Madrid with Christian. They watched as the Grey pair stopped, and looked at one another, Ana looking tearfully even after having this almost same routine going for months.

"It's five days and I'll be all your again," Christian told her and knew he had to hurry up. He had let lunch with his wife overrun deliberately so he could have more time with her but, now he had to go before he messed up flight plans.

"All mine," Ana murmured back at him and reached up to his mouth, "Now kiss me a goodbye that's going to last."

"Challenge accepted," He replied and kissed her with such depth and conviction, he knew she knew who loved her most.

As she kissed him in the middle of street she did feel herself begin to tear up. Her man was going away and their goodbye was so public. She hated that his job tore him to all corners of the world and she was left behind waiting for his safe return as if she were a military wife.

Christian broke the kiss when flashing broke into his peripheral and he looked at his wife protectively and then decided to use this moment. "If they want a show let's give them a show."

"You're making this goodbye a very public one," Ana scolded meekly, still never getting use to having photographers want to make her happily married life one for the front pages of newspapers or one for a double spread in a magazine.

"It's being immortalised for the public eyes," He told her and tightened his grip on her as his lips joined hers for that one last goodbye before he jetted off.


	3. Where You Belong

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_Heads up, this is NOT a cheating story! No way! There will be drama, but none due to cheating! =) Thank you for the response guys! Enjoy..._

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Three

* * *

"I love these types of days," Elena groaned in absolute relaxed pleasure. She looked to Ana, Kate and Mia and they all released the same pleasurable moan in unison. Elena laughed and reached forward for the glass of wine, "I mean why else do we do these girly days?"

"Because I need to look good for my man to come back," Ana joked and everyone accepted the fate of Christian's homecoming with a bunch of girly giggling. They all knew it was going to be explosive. Every moment was for he and Ana and that was how they expected it to be nowadays.

Ana took a moment to muse over the changes that had happened with her life with Christian. It was just them as a dynamic duo that had morphed, but them personally.

It had been almost a year since Ana had a bad dream about anything that had happened before her and Christian's reunion that day in the middle of the street. There was no drama, no problems, no evil to threaten them and Ana realised that a perfect life was being lived between them.

They had gradually brought in a kinkier side of sex but, only on both their say so. Christian didn't tie Ana up unless she was fully satisfied with that and they never used handcuffs, but experimented with ties that Ana could get out of if she panicked. It was rare she did slip free, but when she did the passion just continued.

The moments of sex between them was passionate and personal and never forgot about the others likes and dislikes and Ana knew Christian was always conscience of what Stephen had done to her and never wanted her to be thrown back into the part of her life.

"I always wondered one thing," Kate broke Ana from her thoughts before they went any further.

Ana looked over at Kate and smiled, "What's that?"

"Why aren't you and Christian settled down with a spawn yet, Steele?" Kate asked and drained the rest of her wine. "I mean, the way you two are always getting caught is extreme. One of his sperms has to make it to baby central."

Ana laughed nervously at that comment and tried to be okay with the sentiment. "Sore spot," Ana mumbled and ran a hand over her forehead and felt three sets of eyes on her. Looking up at them she recognised that look – they were all blaming Christian for not wanting a child. "We thought I was but, I wasn't. Christian wasn't prepared for us to be pregnant but, he had a moment and I've not seen him that happy since we got married. We were both, admittedly, devastated by the news when I got my period and tests proved negative but, we have such hectic lives we were glad that a baby wasn't going to be born into that." She gave a shrug and smiled, "We have the rest of our married lives to make a family and we will. One day."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Elena burst in, breaking the silence that settled among the three women as Ana spoke the truth. "We would have been there for you, Ana."

"I know but, Christian and I got swamped and there was never a moment to tell you," Ana admitted softly, "So we never mentioned it to anyone. If I have to admit, it still hurts to think about. He got so excited at the idea," Ana smiled off wistfully at the memories. "It'll happen."

"Of course it will," Mia optimised and gave Ana one of her bright, bubbly smirks. "Your children are going to be the most gorgeous children ever!"

Ana just laughed at that comment, "Well I'll hold you to that." Ana then started to get up and looked at everyone, "Wine?"

Elena went to stop her, "You got it the last three times, let one of us."

"I'm actually going to check if my husband's dropped me a call or something," she grinned, "Like I have the last three times."

The other three laughed and even though Ana disappeared, Mia followed her into the kitchen, "I'll help. I think I fancy some other type of alcohol."

Reaching into the fridge, Ana did laugh, "Some other type? If you wanna hit the vodka then you can but, I'm not mixing." She looked as Mia's face told more of a story than her words did, "Mia, what's wrong?"

"I think me and Ethan are fizzling out," Mia admitted sadly and tried to sniffle away the oncoming tears. "He doesn't care about me anymore and he even started at his apartment more. I thought after two years together we would be like you and Christian."

"Oh Mia," Ana murmured sadly, "No one is going to be like Christian and I and believe me, Ethan is never going to be like Christian. Ethan is a freer spirit and I bet he has a good reason for being like he is."

"But what could it be?" Mia asked feeling lost and confused. "I love him, Ana. I can imagine my life with him. He makes feel like you look."

Squeezing Mia's hand tightly, Ana gave a reassuring smile. "You need to stop worrying that precious little head of yours Mia before you make wrinkles," She saw Mia give the bare beginnings of a week smile. "Now let me grab you the vodka," Ana sugar coated her comment, "You can have a shot but that's it. You'll take a glass of wine and down that. I won't have you stinking drunk."

"You're the best sister ever," Mia commented at Ana as she went to grab the vodka from the freezer.

As she got the bottle and turned, Ana gasped and placed her hand on the back of her body, rubbing the lower part of her back. She had been getting bad pains all week long and she was so pleased that Christian was away. It meant he couldn't burst a vein over his. This was why she got her own drinks, she didn't want to drink wine in case her body disagreed more than it had. She placed her hand and the bottle down onto the counter and breathed through the pain. She knew it would disperse in a moment.

"Ana, what's wrong?" Mia asked as she stopped trying to take the cork out of the bottle. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Ana grinned as the pain disappeared completely, "Your mom checked me over and said I had a UTI." She waved the concern away as she calmed down, "She's bringing round antibiotics later for me." She shrugged at her sister-in-law, "There is a definite perk to having a doctor as a mother-in-law."

"How the hell do you get that?" Mia asked, her brow furrowing in confusion.

_Having sex in a restaurant bathroom probably!_

Shrugging, Ana gave Mia a deadpan gaze, "They just happen apparently and your mom's told me to drink more water and take all my antibiotics and I'll be fine by this time next week." Ana grinned at her sister, "That means I'm going to be fine but, my husband is going to have to go without a decent welcome home until I have this gone entirely."

"Break my brother's heart why don't you?" Mia quipped jokingly and watched Ana try and offer a smile. "So he's not going to have a welcome home and there's a ban on sex. Perils of brother Grey."

Ana just grinned like a Cheshire cat, "I intend to have an amazing welcome home with my husband. _Sex or no sex_."

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Sneaking in a midnight snack?" Christian called out to his wife as she reached up to the top shelf where they kept all of their sugary snacks for the middle of the night. He had been watching as the shorts she had on rose up a little too high and his shirt lifted up with her stretching.

Ana turned around to her husband, biscuit between her lips, her eyes lighting up as they indulged upon the sight of Christian. She knew he was coming home but, she didn't know it was this early. She wasn't even meant to be up right now but she woke up hungry and she had to get something to eat.

_Voila, the midnight snack cupboard! _Originally invented to keep her and husband from indulging but never stopped them really.

Dropping the biscuit, Ana ran to her husband and wrapped her arms around her husband and kissed him a welcome home. Christian picked her up and sat on the work top and continued the kiss, deepening it, strengthening it, giving her all the hellos and goodbyes they missed out on in the past couple of days.

Pulling back, Ana smiled brightly, "I've missed you, my handsome husband," Ana purred at her man, their foreheads pressed together as they stared at one another, divulging the sight of the other. "Five days is quite a long time to be alone."

"Mmm, I do agree," Christian admitted and just hugged her close, nuzzling into her hair and taking in her scent. He didn't need to familiarise himself with her but, he couldn't help but need to feel her around him. As he began to allow his hands to roam, her felt Ana hesitate a little on him, "Where's my welcome back?" Christian grinned at her, waiting for her to literally begin ravishing him.

"Your sister's in the guest room. She got drunk and all emotional," Ana stalled him a moment, not ready to divulge that she had a lovely urinary infection and admittedly didn't want to be struck with the flank pain she had been getting midst sex. "I think she needs a big brother, Christian."

"I can do that," Christian agreed and began to drop his head to hers. "Do you know how much I've missed you, Mrs. Grey?" He asked as his forehead finally touched hers and he felt flinch as he pulled back on her, "Baby, you have a fever," Christian began to panic over his wife. "You've gotta have the flu or something"

"No," Ana pushed him off, "No I have a UTI, Christian, that is kicking my ass right now. Not the flu or something normal, but a disgusting urinary tract infection that is making me feel like crap."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Christian asked as he framed her face with his hands. "All the times we were on the phone, on Skype, hell texting and emailing and you didn't think to tell me?"

Ana shook her head, "No, because your mother had it under control but it seems stronger antibiotics might be on my horizon. That's all." She gave him a smile to try and cover the anger that could be released at her, "I started a new round last night and they end in six days so I should right as rain then."

"Well that sucks," Christian replied to her and gave off a small pout. "I hate you being ill however normal or disgusting."

Nodding, Ana could only agree, "It does mean no sex right now," Ana told him and sighed, "I mean I can, I haven't been advised against it, but I get this pain and I don't want it to happen midway through welcoming you home. I can't think of anything worse when all I wanna do is make love to you."

"Shh, shh, you're fine, Ana. I understand and I respect that. Just don't expect me to take it lightly when we can have some fun," Christian teased her and then lifted her into his arms. "Lets go to bed, Baby. My sister can have her big brother chat tomorrow when I've wrapped everything up but, for now, I need you and our bed."

"Oh now that I can do," Ana giggled and allowed him to carry her off to the bed. She even allowed him to put her into bed, tuck her in ready for him to undress as he ran around the bed to his side. He quickly threw off his clothes and pulled on his chequered pyjama pants and slip in next to her.

He pulled her into his arms and Ana could sense how tired he was after his flight home and she didn't blame him for being so tired. It didn't take long for Christian to fall asleep and Ana to just stare at him contently. It seemed the roles had changed and she spent many sleepless nights just watching him. When she did start to drift she turned over to get comfortable but, it just didn't seem to work well for her.

Blanching with pain, Christian was immediate with his response and pressed his hand in a massaging manner to Ana's back and worked the pain away. She relaxed and smiled, "Thank you, Mr. Grey, for coming back as a perfect masseuse."

Her husband was asleep, but for her, he seemed to be always in sync and able to help her when she was prepared to suffer alone.

"I'm also good at medicating so when this pain dies a little I'm going to go and grab something to help the pain," Christian murmured from behind her.

"No need," Ana said as she turned back onto her back and looked at him, "The pain goes just like that. Your mom said when the infection goes then so will the pain." She could see he wasn't buying it and she laughed a little, "Would I lie to you?"

"No," He mumbled to her.

"Well then believe me. I won't lie and say it doesn't hurt because it does but, really I started these antibiotics yesterday let's give them chance to work," Ana tried to calm him down. "Give them the six days like advised."

"Then we're having hot, kinky sex," Christian made that a statement, not a question of whether it would happen or not.

Ana giggled at that, "Then we are having hot kinky sex."

"Good, right now I have what I love most," Christian told her and began to settle ready to sleep.

"What's that?" Ana had to ask as she snuggled in tightly against him, her head rising up so her eyes could look into his. She loved knowing every thought on her because usually it was identical to what she was thinking and feeling about him.

"I have you back where you belong," Christian mumbled against her lips, "_Right in my arms_."

Ana would die a happy woman right now with those as her last words.


	4. Cold Love

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_Thanks guys! I sure hope you like what's going to unravel in this little story! I'm admittedly a bit excited for it and scared all at once! With that said, enjoy =)_

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Four

* * *

Ana had been sitting in the kitchen after ringing in sick for the day. She knew Mia was in so fit state of getting drunker and drunker the night before and Ana wanted to be there for her sister in-law. It wasn't just for Mia's benefit that she was stuck here but, with a temperature beginning to sky rocket she decided she needed an easy day to actually allow the antibiotics to kick in rather than rival the adrenaline she was passionately fuelled with every day she stepped into her Fifty Shades Publishing House.

Hearing her phone ring, Ana smiled as she saw her husband's name flare onto the screen and she answered it with a big smile, "Mrs Christian Grey here, how may I help you?"

"Oh, very formal, Mrs Grey," Christian replied back with a jovial tone. "Mrs Christian Grey sounds amazing."

Looking down at her wedding rings, Ana twisted her hand as she inspected it, "It's a title I want until my last breath. Keep a note of that," She told him and heard him grab for paper and become silent, "Are you actually writing that down?"

"Yes, and I just signed and dated it too," Christian informed her with much glee igniting in his tone.

"Make it more legit, Baby, add a time too," She told him jokingly and giggled as there was silence for a moment, "Have you really just done that?"

"Yes, you seem to think I wouldn't," Christian countered back at her as he placed the note propped up against the Charlie Tango figurine on his desk and relaxed back into his seat. "Tell my sister I will be back soon so if she can't find a solution in you then she can wait and I'll knock the sense into Ethan."

"I'll try my hardest," Ana promised as she thought of who was most beneficial – her with her words or Christian with his fist. She overruled in this case. "You are still coming back for brunch right?"

"And to look after you, yes I am," Christian admitted and Ana couldn't deny how excited he sounded. "I will be bringing you a surprise too."

"Oh, what's that? I mean you're enough," Ana notified him and she couldn't wait for him to come back to her. "Seeing you is enough, Baby."

"I know, Sweetheart, but I like to give you surprises and I know you're under the weather and I want to pick your mood up."

Ana rolled her eyes happy he couldn't see her do so, "Christian, honestly, I am fine. I just feel a little sluggish but, I am fine."

"Give your husband this moment, Ana. Let him spoil you rotten," Christian tried to reason with her. He knew that even if she told him not to, he would buy her whatever he so pleased.

"You always do," Ana responded to him and tried to count on one hand the amount of times he came home empty handed when she was feeing under the weather.

"Then nothing's changed," Christian pointed out satisfied. "Right, I'm going to sort this paperwork out and Taylor and I will be coming home."

"Okay," Ana grinned, "I love you, Christian Grey."

"I love you too, Ana Grey," Christian murmured back at her and lavished a moment of silence. "I can't wait to have you in my arms again."

Ana grinned, she remembered his words from the night before, "I can't either and I won't either, Christian. So go and hurry up and finish up." She listened to him declare his love again and they finally ended the call. She released a sigh and turned back to her unfinished cup of tea. Placing her hands to it she found it now stone cold and got up to get herself another.

"My head hurts so bad," Mia grumbled as she skidded, inch by tiny inch into the room, her hand on her head, her eyes screwed up. "Why did you let me mix?"

"Honey, I didn't. You found your way to the bottle of vodka I left on the side without us knowing," Ana pointed out and decided to make Mia a coffee before anything else. Handing it over she quickly made herself a tea and went and plonked herself back on the breakfast bar next to Mia, "You started mumbling some incoherent crap about Ethan possibly cheating on you."

"Well isn't he?" Mia asked and started to dissolve on herself again. "We've been together over two years and yet he sleeps in a different bed most nights and he tells me he is busy most days. What else am I to think? I obviously have done something to make him repulse me so much he can't even break up with me!"

Ana listened to Mia cry like a damsel in distress at the thought whizzing around in her head and Ana knew she had to intervene. "Look," Ana stopped Mia's emotionally spiralling triad. "When I found out Christian was alive after that crash, I felt like he could never love me. That he would be repulsed by the sight of me for what I had done. I never expected him to find me when I was most broken and I never ever expected to be here today saying I married my hero."

"What are you getting at exactly?" Mia sniffled confused at what Ana was getting at.

Ana gave a smile, "Is Ethan your hero? Regardless of everything your mind is screaming at you, is Ethan still your hero?" She asked and saw Mia think for a moment, "Because if he is, then you need to fight for him." She leaned forward to cover Mia's hand in hers, "If he is worth the tears then he is worth the fight but, I can't tell you if he is worth it. You are the only one who knows whether he is."

"He is," Mia grinned as she spoke that, "He is worth it."

"Then go and call him out on his behaviour. Tell him that you need answers and don't expect him to bullshit you with excuses. Tell him you deserve the truth because he is turning you into the girl that cries at night over a guy," Ana pressed on trying to make Mia face up to the value of Ethan. "And if I remember rightly, Mia Grey doesn't cry over any man. However cute," She gave a wink and sat up straighter once more.

"But he's my Ethan," Mia tried to justify her tears.

Ana gave her a smile, "Then that right there is your answer, Mia."

Releasing a groan, Mia suddenly was hit with a realisation, "I am being so stupid. I need to be forthright with him. I need to tell him what is what and I need to know the truth. He will have hell to pay."

"Exactly that, Mia," Ana agreed and watched as Mia drained her coffee mug and Ana could only imagine Mia on coffee.

"Is that yours and Christian's reason for being so happily married?" Mia asked as she let the coffee filter into her system. "You don't let him go without telling you a thing. I mean, you always fight back at the other and you respect each other and you both seem to just understand."

"You and Ethan are like that," Ana gave her a quick wink, "Now go and I think you have a mission to accomplish."

Mia jumped up, grabbed her bag she had left on the kitchen counter and straightened her dress, "Do I look worthy?" She asked and twirled around on the spot. "Oh goody!" She exclaimed as Ana approved with a silent nod of the head and a smile. She then took off to the door ready to stake claim in what was hers, Ana trailing behind her momentarily.

"Go get your man!" Ana giggled as Mia rushed out of Escala and left her behind to await her own man.

Just as she closed the door and felt accomplished, phone in hand, Ana felt it begin to vibrate before the ringtone sounded. She was hoping it was her husband checking in but, instead Grace's number flashed up at her.

"Hey Grace," Ana answered and smirked at why she was ringing. Her assumption was one of two things. "If you're ringing about my little issue, the antibiotics need to kick in and if Christian rang you concerned please ring him back and tell him I a-"

"Ana, this is about Christian but, not because of your UTI. He's just been rushed to hospital along with Taylor. They were attacked in the garage at GEH," Grace cut in, her tone trembling as he fought with her emotions.

"Gail!" Ana screamed as Grace spoke to her, her feet carrying her forward through the apartment, "Grace, just tell me they're okay."

"Sweetie, it looks bad. They're both getting examined right now. Just get here with Gail. By then we should know more," Grace told her, trying to placate the panic in Ana's voice. "I'll send you where we are going when I know but, you get here, Ana."

Closing the phone, Ana closed her eyes and took a cleansing breath before triggering a mantra – "He's okay. He's okay. He's okay." Opening, mantra on loop, Ana looked to see Gail and felt her breathing begin to suddenly race as reality set in.

"We need to get to the hospital," Ana whispered at Gail and her eyes met the older lady's fearful gaze, "Christian and Jason got attacked. We need to get to them."

"What's happened?" Was all Gail to ask as the news hit her.

"I don't know," Ana's voice shook as she grabbed her keys and screamed out for Sawyer. "That was Grace, she asked for us both to hurry to the hospital now. All she said was they were both attacked."

"They've barely been gone an hour," Gail worried, consumed with a swirling grief as it built in the air around her. "How can this be happening?"

"I don't know, Gail, but they need us and we need to be there for them," Ana replied, her voice becoming controlled. "We're not their wives for anything."

Gail suddenly realised how grown up Ana was as they encroached her twenty-fourth birthday. This girl who was wiser than her age, was calm and collected in the face of a dilemma and it again rang true that she was Christian's perfect match.

What she didn't know was that living with Christian had taught her more than how to love immeasurably. Christian had taught her dominance of a company, restraint and discipline. He had taught her to be the fierce natured one in the moment of any dramatic predicament.

He taught her to fortified version of herself.

"I spoke to him no more than a little half an hour ago," Ana commented as Sawyer came into view, evidently knowing of the news and Ana pushed passed and headed for the door of Escala. "They were fine then and they will be fine now," Ana tried to convince her of that to keep herself calm. However, deep down she could feel she was unravelling at the thought of what state the pair were in.

The two strongest men in her life were now admitted to hospital and it had to be bad because Grace had refused to give details over the phone.

No one spoke as Sawyer drove. The air was stiff and tense and screamed profanities that neither Ana or Gail wanted to believe in. Christian and Taylor were going to be fine. They were going to waiting for a ride home and that would be the end of it.

They would take a few days off and everything would return to normal. Ana would get her kinky sex session soon and Taylor and Gail could go off and do whatever the hell that wanted with the time off. They could flee the country and Ana would care because at least they were together and okay.

Sawyer pulled up at the main entrance and alerted the pair that he would be right up. Ana didn't argue, she just wanted her husband. He had been back a day and now he was in a damn hospital. Ana dread the view that would greet her but, when she saw Grace she didn't care about that.

"Is he in there?" Ana asked as she made herself up to the ward that Grace had told her to come straight to.

"Ana," Grace stopped her as she went for Christian's door. "He's really shaken up by this. I've not seen him like this since I first met him. He's barely spoken but I definitely think he needs you."

"Of course," Ana replied, shaking her head vigorously as she tried in vain to stop her shaking hands. "Do they know who did this?"

Grace shrugged sadly, "Apparently Christian and Ros both decided to turn a deal down because they didn't see any hope in it. They wanted payback."

"Oh God," Ana replied in horror at hearing someone would maliciously attack her husband for such a reason. "And Jason?"

"He's stable," Grace commented knowing that Taylor took the brunt of the beatings. "He took a beating more than Christian did but, it seemed Christian took a baseball bat to the head so we're watching his concussion. His scans were fairly clear, we're just observing him. He seems fine other than that. He was lucky but, go in there, Ana, you need him as much as he needs you."

Ana just nodded and left Grace's side to escape into the privacy of Christian's hospital room. Going in she felt her stomach clinch tightly at the sight of her husband. The sight of her husband before her both shattered her heart and enforced her love for him. The side of his face was bruising brightly already, a gash showing where the baseball had evidently hit him. She saw his knuckles were scraped like he had fought back, but he looked so small now. He didn't look like he could fight back at anyone.

He looked cationic and it broke Ana's heart.

"Oh God," Ana gasped at the sight of her husband and pressed a hand to her mouth. "Christian, Baby, what the hell happened?" She began to well up and just went to him, giving him a kiss and quick cuddle before setting back and sitting on the bed. He stared at her, unmoving, almost stiff to her touch. "Christian?" She called out delicately as she took her hands.

"Yes?" He countered back, his tone cold and piercing.

Ana was fooling herself. Her husband never got admitted to the hospital. Someone else who claimed to be Christian did.

The man staring at her had all of Christian's physicality's but, his eyes were now icy grey, hard, accusatory. He had that _Dom_ look now and Ana only found herself raising up off of the bed and taking a step back.

This was no longer her Christian Grey and she knew it.

And he definitely knew it.


	5. Can't Stop Love

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_So, I feel cruel with this and compelled to give you more... Plus, people on my Facebook are mighty eager for more ;) Thanks for the reviews... enjoy what's ahead..._

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Five

* * *

"Christian, are you okay?" Ana asked, her hands really beginning to shake now, her nerves beginning to turn into powerhouses readying to explode.

"I am fine but, are you?" He asked her back, giving her a quick surveying with dutiful, disgusted eyes. "You're talking to me like I know you."

Ana gawped at her husband then and mentally analyse what was really going on right now because her brain kept blowing a fuse on a continual loop. She got excited when his face lit up at her and she held her breath.

"Oh, you must be Elliot's new fling. He does get through his girls quick," Christian muttered unimpressed with his brother's attitude to women. Different woman every week and he was done with them. Okay, so Christian knew he had his subs but he didn't throw them unless they really disobeyed, if they got too close.

"Erm," Ana shook her head trying to take this in, "No, I'm not Elliot's newest _fling_. He's, erm, he's married."

"Then who the hell are you and what the fuck are you in my hospital room?" Christian asked, his tone darkening on her, his eyes narrowing. It was like a switch had been tripped right now, "Well? Who the fuck are you?"

Grace stepped in like a saviour right at the moment as Ana felt like her throat was ceasing up on her. She stood beside Ana as she spoke up, "Ana's your wife, Christian. You've been married nearly two years," Grace tried to infuse Christian's memory with enough prompts to remember Ana.

"I don't have a wife," Christian told him mother and didn't look to Ana. "She looks like my birth mom, why the hell would I marry someone that reminds me of _that_?" Christian asked, acting agitated and way off any normal behaviour.

"Christian, I am your wife," Ana stepped in but, Grace grabbed her arm and pulled her back, warning her before she jumped in to the deep end and pushed Christian over the edge of what he was really mentally ready for.

"I am not married," Christian went to add strength to his words by lifting his hands up to his head but he caught a glimpse of wedding band he wore. "No, no, I'm not married. I can't be. I don't know who the fuck she is!"

Ana watched her husband losing it and realised he had never looked so small and lost in all their married life.

"I don't ever want to be married so what made you so fucking special?" He asked Ana as his chest heaved on him and then he froze, his eyes narrowing on her, "Tell me!"

"Ana, take a step outside. Elliot's out there with Sawyer, I'll come out in a moment," Grace told Ana calmly, knowing she had to command the situation and get Christian comfortable enough to be checked over again by a neurologist.

Ana fled willingly. Unable to hear her husband yelling like he did, unable to see him like this. It was like someone was drawing the air from her lungs, breath by delicate breath and Ana couldn't stay here. Her legs buckled a little and before anyone could support her she ran and never looked back. Even as Elliot and Sawyer came after her and cornered her she couldn't get the breaths in to suffice what she had lost and she struggled for escape like a caged animal.

"He doesn't know me," She sobbed and looked at them. "H-he thought I was your girlfriend, Elliot." She sucked in a harsh breath, "When your mom told him I was his wife he lost it and started to panic."

"He had a nasty blow to the head, Ana, we were warned," Elliot tried to soothe her woes.

Ana looked up with wide eyes, tears rimming her ocean blue orbs, "He said he never wanted to marry anyone so why would I be a difference?" She flashed a look to the room and only dreamt of the man she loved, "He said he could never want me because I remind him of his real mom. I repulse him." She collapsed against Elliot as she admitted the horrible truths, "My own husband hates me."

She sobbed against Elliot for more than a short period. He even dragged her over to a chair and sat her down so he could support her sobbing frame whilst she released everything she was feeling right now.

"C'mon little lady," Elliot said as he pulled back so that his mom could step in and help the other half of the Christian-Ana marriage.

Grace rose her hand to Ana's face and wiped the tears, giving her a smile. All done in a motherly fashion. "Ana, it's the head injury. It's making him act out of character. From what Taylor told us, Christian took a hard hit," Grace whispered at her gently, breaking the news bit by bit. "He's calm now but, I want more assessments done. It's clear he doesn't know you nor did he know Elliot was married or that Mia is settling down. He doesn't remember anything of you, Ana. I am so sorry."

"So what happens here?" Ana asked as if she were lost in the chaos of this. "What do I do about my marriage and my life? If he won't let me near him how do I make him see that I am the one he fell in love with?"

"Day by day," Grace told her, "You take it day to day but, I think for now you need to let Elliot take you back to Escala whilst I get him tested and I'll keep you updated." Grace offered a sympathetic smile, "There isn't a lot you can do from here."

Ana shook her head, "I just need to grab my purse," Ana said as she stood up and watched Grace hesitate. She needed to call her own mother and she needed to bleed her heart out. "Please, I just want to see him one more time before I leave his room." She watched the eyes on her, "I am not leaving this hospital. He's still my husband even if he thinks he isn't. There's not a lot I can do from our home either so I am staying."

"Okay, come on," Grace took Ana's hand and walked her into the room. Grace could see Christian was calm at her the sight of her but the moment Ana stepped in with her his agitation bubbled and burst.

"I said don't bring her in here! I didn't want that _girl _in here! She isn't my family!" Christian immediately became unstable at the sight of Ana and he knew he was affecting her. "Get her out of my sight!" Christian literally roared so fiercely that it sent Ana running terrified of her husband.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Making it home, Ana felt like any sentimental was sucked from the entire apartment. Escala no longer felt like her marital home, it no longer oozed love and laughter like it had. It just screamed with memories of a life gone past.

Covering her mouth with the back of her hand, Ana left Elliot and went to the bedroom where she sunk down on to bed and sobbed in the loneliness of the room. Only hours earlier had she woken up in this bed and been greeted with her husband's love and happiness and now she was married to someone that for intent and purposes scared her.

She had seen the calculating look he gave her. She was a potential now and she knew it. He was licking his lips in eagerness at what shade of red her ass could be. He would willingly strap her down, cover her eyes and unleash a sexual frenzy however he so pleased. She knew it.

He would see her as weak now if she told him of her hard limits. After Stephen, Christian had revived her. He had been the hesitant one and he had been the one that quickly untied her when she allowed him to tie her spread eagle. However happy they were, scars of the past still haunted her and her Christian knew that and kissed her woes away.

They had a perfect marriage with no secrets, with no stone unturned. And now? Now they had to relearn everything and he was sure Christian would be disappointed in her.

As her chest began to cease, Ana found it hard to breathe. She didn't want her husband to meet her and get to know her again. They had been through so much and as much as she said she was okay with the past she didn't want to rake over it and discuss the hauntingly drastic measures she went through.

The thoughts in her head of Christian hating her this time round scared her so much she shot up and began to make for the closest where her suitcase was. However before she even reached the walk-in closest they were in she froze and looked to a photo of them on their wedding day. Beyond the extravagance of it all sat the happily married couple and she would never be able to forget how he looked at her with such love as she approached him down the aisle.

If she ran away now she would never have the opportunity to relinquish that.

Freezing, Ana realised that she fled once and she couldn't bear to leave all of this behind again. Her life here was so much for hers than ever before. Christian shared everything with her because that was how he wanted life. Now Escala was her home; Christian - pre-injury - had told her that. He had her name added to the deeds. It was signed on paper. This was her right to life as it was Christian's.

He was _her_ life.

For that, she was going to wipe away her tears, fix the mess her mind was in and march back to that hospital room. She had a life to keep hold onto and she didn't care how white her bare knuckles got, she wasn't going to let go anytime soon.

She had thought she was doomed, but she wasn't going to calcify it and make it official. Over her dead body.

However much Christian hated her, was repulsed by her, she loved him and she knew deep down he loved her. She was going to make him realise how much they loved each other and he was not going to get a chance to chase her away.

In the good and the bad, her vows rang true and she refused to break those sacred vows right now.

With or without his memory coming back, she was going to get her husband even if it met making him fall back in love with her.

Turning on her heels she marched back through the apartment, not even letting Elliot or any security stop her. She felt them following but she drove herself at maximum speed and raced back to Christian's bedside. As she near enough broke into a sprint up the corridor, Ana saw that Grace was at the nurses' station. Taking a deep breath and slowing her pace, Ana knocked on the door before entering. Even with the current situation at hand, being Ana Grey still didn't stop her.

As she entered completely, Christian cast a gaze to her and only looked disappointed to her. "What are you doing here, Anastasia?" Christian asked in an exhausted tone and could barely bring himself to look at her.

_Anastasia_ – that sent shivers down her spine and not for reasons she liked.

She tried not to get excited by him saying her name and it seemed she let too much escape as Christian burst her bubble.

"I still don't know you," Christian told her, the timbre of his tone growing icicles more and more by the second. He gave her a shrug, "My mother told me the basics. Your name, age, how we met. She doesn't want to overdo it with telling me who's in my life and who isn't."

"I suppose that's wise," Ana told him and placed her hands on the end the bed as if to anchor her to the spot.

"What are you doing here? I said I didn't want you here, Anastasia," Christian asked of her hoping she would just give up. "I don't want you to be here and I think that's my right. I mean I just could have you removed."

Ana laughed, "By _our_ security?" Ana asked and watched Christian's face become solemn. "You're going to listen to me right now," Ana told him, standing at the end of his bed. "You might not remember me and I make you think of all sorts of crazy things. But you seem to forget I still remember everything. Things I already know about." She told him, "So you aren't getting rid of me that easily."

Christian released a feral growl, his hands coursing up into his copper hair, his hand aggravating his wound on his head, "Why won't you just leave me alone?"

"Because we're married so I think as your wife I have a place here. Whether you want to believe it or not," Ana put her hand up and hated that she had to prove to her own husband that they were married. "And that does change because you lost your memory." She watched glare at his ring and he threw the wedding ring at her and she laughed and looked at it as it sat on the floor, "Nice try but, even that won't make me run away again. Do you really think a pathetic move like that will do it?" Ana asked and leaned in towards him, giving him a watchful glare, "I can't force you to love me, Christian, but, I can't stop loving you."

"Maybe you should," Christian glowered at her. "I am evil, Anastasia. A heartless, cruel monster that is tainted and messed up in so many ways I'm way passed saving. I am fifty shades of fucked-up, Anastasia."

Ana had heard that self summation before from her husband. "I know all that, you ass," She told him, not meaning to sound quite so abrupt with him. It seemed to working, giving him his own attitude. "I'm your fifty shades double, Mr Grey," She gave him a smug grin as his mouth dropped opened. "I know every dark recess of your mind like you do mine so you best believe you are staring at your female double." Feeling like she had done her piece for the night and ignoring her shattering heart, Ana grabbed a chair and kept her distance from him as she sat in it. "Get some rest, Christian," She ordered and just watched him listen enough to turn onto his side and put his back to her.

Wiping at the corner of her eyes, Ana prayed he would wake up her husband.


	6. Beginning of the Truth

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_I am actually shocked at the reaction to this! I hope you'll continue reading this and enjoy what's to come! Thank you as always you are amazing!_

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Six

* * *

Ana's heart thudded as she heard a key unlock the front door of Escala. He was home. Granted she hadn't had to go long before this happened but, her husband wasn't coming home. Another Christian was. One that was almost like the man she had met but, colder, more vindictive.

She didn't run along and help, she watched Carrick lead Christian off and Grace give her doctoral advice before turning to face Ana. As she came into the kitchen, Grace gave Ana a warm smile, "How you feeling, Sweetie? You're looking a little washed out."

"Is he okay?" Ana pushed her concern away and felt useless that her husband had denied any and all help she offered. So much so she was sent home – after refusing profusely – by her mother and father in-law and told they would bring him home. She had barely slept and she was quite honestly a wreck at the thought of being faced with her husband.

"Carrick's going to get him settled," Grace coerced Ana back into her seat and sat with her. "I know we were brutal last night with forcing you away but, it was for the best. However, now we've worked up how much memory loss he has, I want to know how you are, Ana."

"I'm fine," Ana told Grace and gave a weak smile. "So how bad is it?"

"He doesn't remember you or Kate. He remembers no interview on your first meeting. He doesn't even remember being requested for an interview with Kate in the first place," Grace told Ana and reached over to push her hair out of her face. She was doing it to be both a mother for Ana and to see if she was dealing with the same temperature.

Ever the doctor was Grace Trevelyan-Grey.

"What was his last memory?" Ana asked wearily, speaking as though treading on eggshells.

Grace shrugged, "He says it's still hazy but, he remembers signing a new contract." Grace sat back up and tried to find valuable words for Ana but, she was coming up empty. "He needs to take it day to day. He has no bleeds on his brain, there's a slight fracture but, it's nothing that a little rest will help. He has a prescription but, he wanted to be home." Grace saw Ana look down, "What is it, dear?"

"He won't want me here," Ana fretted and her heart began to gallop. "Where do I go, Grace?"

"Nowhere," Grace fought back.

"But he doesn't want me around remember?" Ana told her mother in-law and tried to calm herself. "He won't get better with me here surely."

"No, you need to give him normalcy Ana. You sticking here is that. You need to keep a normal routine for him. That is the best medicine for him. He knows his job still but, he needs to catch up on his deals and he needs to learn that as much as he fights it," She took a deep breath and gave a smile to Ana, "You are a part of his life now." She offered a bright grin as she ended that, "I hear that's what you told him last night? That you were still his wife and he isn't getting rid of you."

"He told you that?" Ana asked meekly, only looking up a little. "Why?"

"Because, Darling, he was asking all about you," Grace gave a weak smile and even with her professional expertise, she couldn't help but pray that the hope she was feeling was the hope that all this would work before too much damage was done. "Deep down, I am convinced, he knows who you are," She told Ana and prayed that her inkling was right. "I promise to support you both but please, Ana, don't let this ruin your relationship."

"I won't lose him," Ana breathed out and knew that she wouldn't. "This will not destroy us. No matter what he says or does, Grace, I can't afford to do this life without him," She felt like her chosen burden of life was now lifted and given to Grace for help.

"Good," Grace liked Ana's defiance and she knew that would pay homage to the outcome of this.

"He's settled. He wants to see you though, Grace," Carrick said as he came into the room and went over to Ana, giving her a kiss on the cheek, "How you holding up, Ana?"

Ana gave him a smile, "I could be doing a hell of a lot better."

"I bet," Carrick replied, "Grace and I will stay for the night tonight and make sure he's okay."

"No," Ana shook her head and took a deep breath. "He needs normalcy. He needs normal routine and he will get that with me here. You two being here, however nice the thought is, will disrupt routine. I will do as we do when Gail is off for the evening."

"She's right," Grace agreed immediately, knowing that this had to be made as easy for Ana as it was for Christian. Intruding on normal life would ruin Ana so she aided the moment. "His mood swings will be extreme, Ana. You need to remember he has a head injury and he is going to suffer as an effect for a few weeks yet," Grace told Ana honestly. "That is with or without his memory coming back."

"I understand," Ana smiled knowing from common sense that her husband wasn't going to shine through miraculously any moment. "Go and see to him, we know he can get impatient and if he's on bed rest, he'll go against that," Ana joked, trying to make light in this dark moment.

"I'll be back," Grace excused herself and headed out hurriedly.

As Grace disappeared going to Christian's side, Ana received the most sympathetic smile off Carrick and knew that she would be seeing more than just the two she had received today.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Once she saw Grace and Carrick out, Ana took her nerves and swore them away before making her feet work enough to take her to hers and Christian's bedroom. There she knocked and waited for her husband to call out and he did, as if she were disturbing him in his office.

She headed in and closed the door behind her out of habit, "I'm not staying. I'm just grabbing some clothes and I'll stay in the guest room," She excused her presence and went to the chest of drawers and began to grab clothes. She could feel his eyes on her for a moment before they dropped and looked down, "What are you reading?"

Christian let out a laugh, "Your file." He looked up to see her gawping at him, "I don't understand how you became my female double, Anastasia," Christian asked as he set the file down a little and inspected her. Physically to him, Ana was the perfect sub and that did cause an arousal. Not enough to deem her a wife but, he could imagine all sorts of markings on her body; he could imagine her tied up and at his every sexual threat.

"Hope that's a good read," She asked and as she rummaged clothes fell out and onto the floor. She quickly ducked down to pick them up. She then continued searching her drawers.

"I thought you were sticking around?" Christian asked as she reached for the door handle. "Doesn't seem that way considering you've practically taken a lot of your clothes. What happened to being here?"

Ana turned, biting the inside of her lip, "I didn't think you would appreciate sharing a bed with me and I would rather you stayed in our room right now than myself." She put her clothes on top of the wardrobe and she grabbed some more, nervously grabbing at garments, "With Taylor being in the hospital and Gail staying with him you'll have to put up with my cooking."

"Do I like you cooking?" Christian inquired, curious to how good of a wife she was because right now he couldn't see why he would choose her. He couldn't explain it but, there was something to Ana that just bugged him too much. Something that, admittedly, scared him about her power over him.

"Usually," Ana shrugged at him, her back still facing him.

Christian cleared his throat, "What's on the menu then?"

"Mac and cheese," She offered a smile, more for herself and continued her job of getting clothes to last a week. She could get others soon but she wanted to feel like she had a room in this house. "Or a stir fry," She spoke up, hoping it would trigger at least something.

"I want to know something," Christian asked as he sat up entirely, throwing the duvet off his lap, sending the file flip flopping with his action.

"What's that?" Ana asked as she turned around to face him, grabbing the clothes and readying to take off in a matter of flight rather than fight for the moment. She knew when she got her bearings together on who she was living with, she would be able to give him tenacity and disobedience – his wife – but for now she was nervous as hell to who she was living with.

"And what's wrong with my apartment?" He asked her, his eyes trained on her for the moment, "What isn't normal about it?"

"It was renovated," Ana mumbled at him. She didn't want to flood him with information and she didn't want to creep back into the abyss of what happened. Why should she have to relive the past alone?

Closing her file, Christian took in a deep breath, "And why was that?" He saw her hesitate, her arms closing in tighter onto her clothes in her arms. "Well?" He asked and still no reaction as her hand turned the handle so he got himself up and stalked up to her, "Why the fuck is my apartment no longer like it was? My bedroom was never here! Why is it?"

"You did it because of something that happened," Ana tried to beat around the bush enough that she could just flee and make up her battle plans.

Getting closer, Christian became domineering to her, tentatively he touched her hair, opening up her neck to vulnerability as though he were going to feed off her. He watched her eyes close and she quaked on the spot, "Why?" He asked her and she shook her head as though afraid of saying, "What the fuck was worth me changing my apartment for the likes of you?" He was reaching the end of his tether with her, "_SPEAK_!" He bellowed at her and she jumped back away from him.

With wild eyes, she answered him, "Because I killed someone in there!" She shouted at him and took in a shuddering breath. Closing her eyes, Ana tried to calm herself before seeing herself out of the room, leaving Christian frozen to the spot.

Hurryingly, she got to the guest room and closed herself away.

Christian however didn't get back into bed. He left the bedroom and went exploring. What he found only continually displeased him. "Anastasia!" Christian bellowed at the top of his lungs, exacerbating his headache tenfold. "Anastasia get here right this fucking moment!" He felt tricked and angered. He was walking around Escala, not feeling like he was home until he found the playroom. Excitedly, he was happy when found one thing in place and imagined doing the unimaginable to Ana.

After all, why have a room like this and wife and not join them together?

Now the dream was shattered as he saw walls lined with books and his prized piano in the corner, an armchair turned from the room to face it. He was angered that the walls were no longer red and all of his instruments were gone.

"What's wrong?" Ana's voice came suddenly as she rushed towards him. She then stopped, her eyes going wide and she knew what was to come. "Oh," She let fall from her lips and rolled her eyes as they watered. She had been dreading this.

"Where's the playroom?" Christian asked as he came to stand in the room that sat the grand piano and the walls smothered in books again. He turned to face Ana, "What did you do?" He approached her at a startling speed that made Ana hunch up ready for impact, but Christian just grabbed her and threw her into the ghost of the playroom.

Ana hit the armchair she had sat in so often to listen to Christian play and she turned to look at him. "I didn't do this," she replied to him, replied to his anger. "You did this. You didn't want that life anymore. You did this nearly two years ago. It nearly destroyed us."

"Bullshit," he answered her as he stalked over to one of the book shelves and plucked a book from its spot. Promptly, he opened it and began ripping pages so fast Ana was unable to sop his destruction of one of her greatest loves. He grabbed a few more books to destroy, ignoring her fight against him.

When fighting him was futile, Ana took a deep breath before using his own medicine on him and yelling back at him. "Stop that, Christian! Don't do that!" she fought with him, "Please, Christian, stop!"

He did stop when he turned to face her, the tattered book in his hands, his face full of thunder, "What use are these to me?" He asked waving a book in her face. "Well?" He beckoned an answer from her and he gave a twisted laugh, "Like you, they are nothing to me."

"Don't say that," Ana bit back at him, her lips pursing with her own anger to his words. "You love me, you bastard! There isn't any doubt about that. I made you into the version of you, you always wanted to be!"

"I found that highly doubtful," He told her and chuckled menacingly. "All I can see you for is my destruction, Anastasia. Evidently," He rose his hands up at the room, "You killed a precious part of me and clearly I married a weakling!"

"It's not true," Ana cried as Christian threw the book in his hand and marched from the room, palms twitching, his breath heated. Now she felt like a weakling. Last night when she had ambushed him in the hospital and told him as it was she had been forthright and strong.

Ana gave into her heavy body and fell against the book pages that now lined the floor.

Even with the pain mounting onto her, she knew she just couldn't give up.

Her love for her husband had to keep her fighting.


	7. Wishful Thinking

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_Keep calm, everyone! I'm not going to give anything away but don't hate me for what's to come! You remember what I said with 'My Own Fifty Shades' about some faith keep it ;) Now enjoy and know I am eternally grateful for you all loving this!_

_Happy Valentines Day! _

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Seven

* * *

"No, Elena, I'm not getting any better," Ana replied tiredly as she entered Escala. She threw her keys down and dropped her bag and just headed towards the kitchen stopping to look at herself in the large mirror in the hall way.

She looked like death. She had bags under her eyes and she looked as though she were ready to keel over. She had done her best to look after Christian with as little confrontation as possible and it was working but, she hated this new endearment of married life. It wasn't happy and it wasn't something she was growing warm to but, he hadn't forced her out and he just kept to their bedroom or his study away from her.

Out of sight out of mind obviously.

"You know, you can't keep putting off his calls," Ana scolded lightly, only just seeing Elena's hesitancy for what it was. She knew Christian needed a friend and Elena was that. "He remembers you and he is confused why he can't get hold of you. I mean, I know you were away when this all happened but you're back now and he's searching for someone he knows that isn't in the family."

Elena sighed into the line, "I'm scared. From what you told me about how he reacted to the playroom going I just know him finding that I can't bear to go near it is just going to make him go nuclear thermo."

"He needs his friend though," Ana tried to bargain. "Come over tomorrow evening, Elena and have dinner. Bring your husband if you want, Christian needs to meet Jared again. He needs to get back into that pace of life."

"Fine," Elena relented without much of a fight. "But I will be hiding behind you if he goes ballistic."

"I think I can handle him," Ana giggled down the line, "I'll ring you later with details," She then closed her phone and went back to looking at herself again to try and work out ways in which she could look like she was on top of the world.

She heard her subconscious and inner Goddess mock her from within and she knew that wasn't going to happen when all she wanted was to fall into her husband's arms and be in the one place she belonged.

Except, she didn't belong there anymore and she had to accept her newly found fate.

She flinched as the pain that had started to subside hit her again and she waited for it to leave her alone again. Her hand massaging her side. When she stood back up she found her husband behind her, staring at her through the mirror pane.

"Hi," she whispered at him and turned around, "How you feeling today?"

"Fine," he told her abruptly and furrowed his brow. "So what was that about?"

"What was what?" She asked him back and grabbed her bag before heading passed him and into the kitchen. She forgot about the pain and just walked off, knowing she had to remember to talk to Grace about why the pain was still attacking her.

Christian followed her, "You bent over double and you were holding your side. My head's better already so don't tell me I imagined that." He watched her intently for a moment and saw she wasn't ready to talk, "Fucking tell me now." Again she refused to talk to him, "_NOW_!" He shouted at her and saw her take a deep breath and he backed down to allow her the floor to speak.

"It's a little problem I've had for a few weeks now," Ana didn't divulge more than on what exactly. "I most probably got it from having sex with my husband in a restaurant restroom."

He looked mighty pleased with himself, "Ah, so we're an exhibitionist couple."

Ana listened to him chuckle and she felt her heart swell. For a moment Ana saw a flicker of her husband but, as soon as she saw it, it was gone. Instantly, he smothered it with ice, cast down into his mind.

She didn't reply to him, just grabbed a drink and tried to get on with today. As she turned around ready to ask Christian what he fancied for dinner she saw Gail walking in with cleaning supplies. "Gail!" Ana exclaimed seeing the aging house keeper bustle into the kitchen. "What are you doing here? Aren't you meant to be with Jason?"

"I'm here too," Taylor responded as he hobbled in the best he could, his arm around his waist, protecting his chest. He slid onto a chair and gave her a reassuring grin, "See, I'm alive."

"I'm glad," Ana breathed out. After being told from Grace how Taylor was, seeing him in the flesh made it real. "No running around anytime soon."

"No way," he laughed as he rested and looked to her, trying to gauge how the impact of everything was affecting her. "So have I missed anything good?"

Ana shook her head and bit her lip. She felt eyes on her but, when she looked over at Christian he was staring at her, gazing at her mesmerised. He was staring at her with the same look he always did when she bit down on her lip – like he wanted her, like he was actually attracted to her.

Again she watched him cover the look and take a seat down with Taylor.

Hearing her phone, Ana felt like someone was willing to tear her away from her emotions and she was so pleased that were. Grabbing her phone, she saw Grace ringing and she knew it was another motherly check up.

Resting against one of the counters she answered, "Hey Grace," she said politely and saw Christian's eyes narrow on her as she spoke.

"Hey Sweetie," Grace chimed back, "How is everything? About the same?"

"Afraid so," Ana replied plainly. "I'm guessing you're ringing about tomorrow?"

"I am," Grace chirped back sarcastically, "Do we need to bring anything?"

"Nope, just yourselves and you'll be set," Ana responded and took a look at Christian as he engaged in a normal conversation with Taylor. That burst of jealousy popped into Ana's body and began to tangle and entwine throughout her system. Like a disease it melded with every single fibre in her body and took her over.

"Well, we'll all be over tomorrow for brunch," Grace assured happily cutting Ana from her thoughts. "That should keep things calm for Christian and us all."

_Brunch_. It was what Christian and Ana were meant to have before this all happened.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Ana woke up in a cold sweat for another night and found herself alone. God how she hated the guest room and how far from home it felt. There was no security here, no safe places, just shadows and silence. She hated how far from home she felt in her own home. Especially now with the nightmares beginning to take command of her sleeps and snatch the golden hours she did get away.

Lying silently still, Ana prayed sleep would drag her back into a dreamless state.

When that didn't work, she pulled herself from the mattress and left the room. Reaching the kitchen she found a bottle of whiskey and promised herself enough to calm her nerves. She downed a glass and poured another only to realise the last time she hit the bottle like this was in the aftermath of Stephen.

She felt so lost back then and she released she was feeling it again. The nightmares were worse – she had no idea what Christian's were like – and the feeling she was left with made her want to curl up in the corner and just cry. Without her husband's support she had never felt so alone but, what did it matter? He wouldn't support her for something he no longer knew anything about.

Taking the second gulp, she poured a third and swirled the browning liquor around in the crystal glass and rested her head nonchalantly on the palm of her right hand. This had to be the lowest bid in life possible.

She never heard him enter, but she jumped as he spoke, "Night cap?" Christian asked, not liking the idea of her drinking for reasons that the idea of an alcoholic in his midst. He never liked Ana drinking at the best of the time so right now; he was out to make sarcastic jibes.

He might have forgotten everything but, she shouldn't have.

"I wish," Ana remarked, "Trying to get some help sleeping."

"There are pills for that," he commented and gave her a smug smirk. "I'll see you in the morning."

_There are husbands for that too. _Ana's mind mocked.

She took a look at her husband praying he would jump into action but, all he did was grab a bottle of water from the fridge and disappear again.

He didn't even care enough to ask her what was wrong.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Christian had sat here for almost an hour listening to his family speak so jovial of the last two years and he felt like an outcast. He was left on the outskirts of his own life and his wife was the one that was speaking on and on about this holiday home and that excursion abroad.

She spoke as if he knew and loved each moment with her but, he didn't and he wouldn't and hearing her giggle shortened his temper that one last bit causing it to snap.

"Anastasia," Christian suddenly broke the conversation mid flow. He locked eyes with his wife and stood up, "Can I borrow you a moment?"

Without a word, Ana rose to her full height and followed him out of the room. She did nothing but keep following him until he spun around so fast he caught her by surprised. He trapped her against his body and pressed her to the wall.

"What is this about?" She asked with even breaths, reminding herself that this would be okay.

"I want you to lay off the marriage shit. I don't care for it. The apartments and villas around the world won't be there for long once I've sold them off and your pretty little face will on the cover of everything magazine and newspaper as the ex-wife of Christian Grey. So can you start thinking of life without all that?" Christian quizzed her, leaning in closer. "Can you do that? Can you start forgetting about the potential us?" Christian asked her, his tone low and threatening. He was never like this before; he had come back not only with amnesia but with a personality change as well.

"No," Ana told him back, defiant and strong. "You can be the new you, Christian. Be it all you like but, I can't turn off who I am. I won't turn off the fact that you gave me two wonderful years in which to fall even more in love with you."

"Two wonderful years, huh?" Christian asked her, his head tilting as he watched her face.

"Yes, two wonderful years we had," she told him. "That makes you love me regardless whether you remember it or not," Ana tried to believe that comment herself. Maybe if she kept saying it long enough she would start to believe it herself. "I know you still do, Christian. You love me."

"You think I love you?" Christian asked and smirked almost evilly at her before picking up one of her curls, "I only love the idea of hitting you until your scream out but, like I said before I don't love you."

Ana watched his retreating figure and angrily swiped her tears away, "but you do, that's the thing. You do love me and you will love me again, Christian, mark my words. I won't lose the one man I love because you lost your memory. We've been through far too much to just give it away."

Christian laughed, "Well look at that," he laughed as he turned, "It's a shame I don't remember any of it. So I guess it's just you that's been through a lot. Anastasia, I think the sooner you realise our marriage," he chuckled a little at the idea being married, "is over, the sooner you stop living in this messed up idea of life. Legally I can't get you arrested for trespassing but legally I can get a divorce and get you out of my house that way."

Smacking the wall right beside her head, Christian gave her a gaze before pressing away and leaving her stone cold frozen. Flaring her nostrils, Ana tried in vain to not let that get to her, but everyone in the other room heard it and the truth was out there. It had been eight days since this hell was thrown into their life and nothing had been getting easier.

And now the horror was more prominent than ever.

Whilst she was trying to keep her marriage, her husband was trying to end it.


	8. The Outcry of Truths

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_So, again, you get another update! Love me much? ;)_

_To those who think enough is enough, I won't apologise for pulling heart strings and breaking hearts a little while longer... Realistically things are no solved over night and that won't happen here... It's not going to last forever so please keep with it and see where this story goes!_

_Thank you all the same and enjoy!_

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Eight

* * *

Christian felt like life was right again as he entered his office. Everything was in place here, it was controlled and ordered and he felt like life wasn't going to hell. Here he was sure his personal life wouldn't clash with his professional one. He had taken all of the smiling photos of Ana and himself and thrown them into a box along with any other element that forced him to face up to a life he didn't want. They were now sat in the closet under a pile of Ana's clothes that he had pulled from their hangers in a fit of pure aggression.

Now in work, adorned in a grey designer suit, he felt like himself more than ever. He had given his mother the benefit of the doubt and stayed off for a lot longer than he wanted but, now he was ready to be back and ready to bite at business.

Going to his desk, he slipped down and ran his hands over the desktop and felt like he was home for the time in over a week. He was about to lavish the feel of sanctuary when he was suddenly confronted with the fact that home and work for him now apparently mingled.

Christian looked at the photographs on his desk. Happy memories marked their places there, dust around them telling him they had sat there for a while. He picked up the photo of Ana as the blushing bride, his arm around her waist, kissing into her neck. He had loved her once upon a time but, right now, he felt nothing but agitation that she just wasn't letting up and moving onto a separate life.

Like all of them he didn't feel a part of them anymore and he didn't want a part in them. Those weren't his life. He was hard, controlling, domineering Christian Grey. He had no time or lust for love. He wasn't one to give love or receive it. He beat women for sexual gratification and if he had his way he would be beating Anastasia Grey by the end of the week.

He would beat her so hard she ran from him and never looked back.

_She's a defiant one, Grey_, his mind evilly scolded him, mocking him with a laugh.

Sitting there, Christian put a hand to his head and hissed in pain. He had never been more confused in his life because Christian Grey, CEO, Dominant didn't do confused and he certainly never let a woman win but, he knew he was a goner.

Anastasia _Grey_ wasn't going to let him go.

"Well, you definitely look different," Elena called out as she let herself in. After all, she had to be normal and just pushing her way into Christian's office was a perfected art. Some habits died hard.

Christian looked up, he knew the voice, but the woman in front of him was not the Elena Lincoln he knew and learnt from. "I could say the same about you," He mocked as he watched her strut further into the room. "Please tell me it's all a lie," Christian begged her and he was near dropping from his seat onto his knees to plead with her.

"I can't," she told him and felt her eyes begin to water a little at seeing him revert back to an angrier stage. "You love your wife, Christian."

"Then let me in on your involvement because clearly you and my wife are on good terms," Christian demanded as Elena took a seat and met his gaze to see if he was ready for this.

"Ana and I used to hate one another," Elena laughed as she relaxed back into her seat. "I mean we used to always go for the jugular," She smiled at a past life, "Bu then there was one moment we realised we were more alike than we had thought. We got close and she ended up saving my life and changing it all for me."

"How did that come about?" He pressed for more details, demanding to know all of his life that he didn't know.

"You were pronounced dead and Ana became pretty distant with everyone. She was so lost. I remember being called down to introduce a new Sub and she was sitting there. It was a shock but, we got talking and she told me how she felt like she had only let you down with being unable to be your sub in the first place. She wanted to use BDSM like you did, Christian. She wanted to grow from it become strong. Get over your death."

"So what went wrong?" Christian asked, only imaging Ana as a sub to his will.

"Stephen Davis did," Elena alerted Christian and she saw no flicker of understanding in his eyes. "He was one of the fussiest Doms at my club. He knew what he wanted and Ana was it. She became his that night. She became his full-time sub."

"So she was a sub?" Christian asked, shocked to learn this side of Ana that he would never have guessed the defiant blue eyed brunette was actually submissive. She didn't have a submissive bone in her body.

"Far from it," Elena changed his opinion and answered his question. "Ana is not destined to be a sub. Nor will she ever be. She has all the attributes to be amazing but, her heart is too big. She isn't made for that life and she showed us that we aren't either." Elena gave a wistful smile, "She's one of the strongest people I know." She lifted her eyes to meet Christian, "I'm sorry, Christian that you don't remember any of this but, Ana is the one for you. I hate that you don't remember your life together," She genuinely felt remorseful as she sat that, "Because your life with Ana has everyone jealous."

"She doesn't seem to be," Christian sneered remembering finding Ana a crying mess when he walked passed the old playroom. She was on her knees crying her eyes out as she tried to fix the destroyed books.

"What do you expect?" Elena asked and actually hated this Christian that had been brought into the world. "Ever thought because she lost the love of her life for the second time in this life?" Elena asked, her voice turning cold on him, "Except this time she has to live with you and fight for you. She's lost you and she's losing herself because she loves you so fucking much!" Elena stood up and began to pace, "I seriously feel for the girl. She came back to you and was panicked that you wouldn't love her because she was no longer yours." Elena put her hands to her head in despair and decided to give it to him all, "Stephen raped Ana countless times. He raped her and abused her and stepped outside of the realms of BDSM. He kept her tied for hours and he never relented up. She got away after he beat her for going to your parents house. He also beat and raped me for giving him a weakling. And if that wasn't enough he then got into Escala and tried to kill me. She caved his head in with a lamp on your bedroom floor." Elena stopped as she remembered the blood curdling scream that came from Ana as Christian pulled her blooded figure from Stephen's dead body, "She left after that to get herself together. In that time you ripped apart Escala and rebuilt so she would come back to somewhere that didn't remind her of her errors."

"Why wasn't this in the file I had Welch pull?" Christian asked willing to ring Welch and demand the full file. He kept exterior cold and poised as he listened to Elena speak the truth.

"It was removed and put in an encrypted file," Elena relayed why it wasn't.

Christian's forehead furrowed, "Why?"

"Because you both nearly lost each other over it and she didn't want that to be a reminder. It didn't define you as much as your reunion did," Elena finalised and wondered if Christian's sudden silence was an awakening.

Christian finally began to realise that his life with Ana was much more than just a marriage.

They were united, one soul and it knew that was a tougher tie to break.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"Don't!" Ana's voice broke into the air as Christian and Sawyer entered Escala later that day. He hadn't been comfortable having a guard he didn't know but, Taylor had promised he was good at his job and Christian trusted that. He just couldn't wait for Taylor to be back on his feet.

"It's going to be okay," Gail replied back, and was glad there was a kitchen island in the way.

Ana snapped then, after hearing '_it's okay_' or "_it's going to work out_' one too many times, Ana completely bent and broke and took it out on poor Gail. "No, it's not okay! At least your husband remembers you, Gail! Mine hates me and I'm the fucking masochist in this because I refuse to give up! Even when he slams those damn divorce papers down in front of me any day now I won't be able to just give up on what we had." Ana was full on crying now, her back was against a wall as she faced up to what deck she had been dealt, "He can barely look at me but, when he does, I can see it's my Christian looking at me even if it's for a split second. Deep down he knows me but, the more time that goes past the closer we are to this being over."

As Ana's sobbing took over, Gail's gentle cooing could be heard. Christian rubbed the back of his neck and decided to avoid the kitchen at all costs. He couldn't deal with the emotional wreck he was continuing to cause.

He had felt remorse for her after Elena's chat but, it didn't morph into love. Being told that she had go into the world of BDSM only to come out an abuse victim did not conjure an ounce of married love for Ana.

Christian just felt pity and he was pretty sure that didn't make a happily married couple in the slightest.

As he made his way to his own study, he was stopped by Ana as she came out of the kitchen and practically ran into him. Their eyes met but, this time, Ana's changed first. They became heavy and lost and her emotions were in every tear drop that had already fallen and the multiple that were readying to fall.

"I hate you!" Ana all but shouted at her husband and only she knew she didn't hate her husband, per se, she hated what he had become.

"Good," Christian grinned hoping that she finally had come to her senses.

That caused Ana to break anymore. Ana pounded his chest, sobbing as she did. "How dare you forget me!" She screamed at him, "How could you forget about everything we've been through?" Ana now fully broke and even though her husband had his hands around her arms to stop her hitting she still tried to lash out. "How could you leave me behind like that?" She slowed her attack and looked up at him, "I have to look at you every day and know that what you see is no longer the woman that means everything to you but, the woman that made you into the asshole I fell in front of."

"Anastasia," Christian braced her carefully with his grip, completely stopping her assault.

"How do you get to just forget everything?" Ana asked him and felt herself becoming bitter to the fate she had been given after everything she had suffered. "I gave you everything and you just forget me!" Rolling her eyes, Ana prayed for some sort of Christian remark, a scolding, a moment of temptation to arouse sexual desire. There was nothing. There was only a blank emotionless beautiful face staring back at her. "You're not even sorry," Ana remarked and even though she knew she should start giving up, she couldn't bring herself to admit defeat.

She couldn't lose him.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Anastasia," Christian remarked and shrugged. "Why do I want to do something I have no interest in? I have no pursuit with you anymore." He narrowed his eyes, both becoming hooded with how serious she should take his words, "I can't do anything to help you with that."

"You don't even want to try," Ana snarled at him and pushed him away from her a little. "I think you need to ring Flynn and get an appointment," She then disappeared to apologise to Gail again, her heart on her sleeve. "He might, in some way, be able to help you," She shouted over her shoulder as she just disappeared all together.

Christian listened to her and decided to call Flynn and arrange an appointment.

What could it hurt?


	9. The Good Doctor's Help

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_I totally love your response to this story! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! I would say keep calm and read on but, that seems to be failing =P So keep calm enough to read on and I hope you enjoy what's ahead for our favourite pair!_

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Nine

* * *

"Christian, we haven't had a session in nearly two years. You didn't need me," Flynn explained to Christian as he came to claim a seat in the living room and watched Christian fall onto the couch next to him. He surveyed Christian's face for a moment, "You haven't needed me."

He had watched Christian since he had arrived. From welcoming him at the door, to grabbing a drink, to even the mere mention of Ana, Flynn had been calculating which Christian he had here. His conclusion so far was the bastard he had seen disappear into a million pieces years ago.

"Bullshit!" Christian blasted that last claim. "I'm fucked up, how can I just not need you?"

Flynn took in a breath and knew his next claim would send the male off the cliff of insanity, "Your wife is why." Leaning forward, Flynn put his elbows to his knees and studied his friend, "She was always your greatest cure. From the moment she fell at your feet that first day you were captivated right up until your wedding day when I last saw you. Ana made a good job at making sure your nightmares never got the better of you, she made sure you saw you for what she did and she, without the benefit of the doubt, always put you before herself. Even when she learnt all about you and that lifestyle you loved so much she accepted it and tried to be everything for you. She really loves you and you loved her enough to make as many sacrifices as she did for you."

"If she's so fucking amazing, why can't I remember her?" Christian breathed his frustration out, it was like feral heaves, his chest feeling the strain. "If I love her so god damn much then why was she completely wiped out of my mind by the bastards that attacked me?"

"Your case isn't just as a simple as any other head trauma victim," Flynn began, "Yours has a lot more complexity."

"How? How the fuck is mine any different?" Christian almost already deemed this as just another excuse.

"Maybe this should have been explained to you before," Flynn began and picked up his glass of water and took a sip. "I need to do some more extensive research, but I would say you are like this because of the previous memory lapse you had. You were in a helicopter crash a little over three years ago, Christian and you were left with no memory for a few weeks. After the crash you spent a few weeks with no memory before your memory was triggered, now this could be a repeat of this or," Flynn paused, "This could be a permanent brain effect. You suffered with post-concussion syndrome and that could be a factor in why you're like you are right now. If that's the case, we need to watch out for those symptoms again. Anything like headaches are key to it and as well, your out of character behaviour also points towards it, Christian. The brain is a delicate organ and you've had two increasingly heavy attacks to it in your life."

Suddenly Christian felt like he had been doused in ice, he felt fear erupt within him, "Do you think it could be permanent?"

"I can't decide that for you," Flynn gave a shrug as he tried to give a guarantor on the outcome of this. "You got your memory back before and although you suffered from post-concussion syndrome your priority was to get Ana back to who she was. You got moments where you acted off kilter but, you did a bloody good job at resolving it and restoring both her and yourself. It got you to the point you were. I didn't witness you before that point so I can't decide if this is a repeat but if we can get you the right triggers then you could well be back to where you are. Back to how you were with Ana after you got her back. Get back to the Christian she knows and loves."

"From what I heard she left me," Christian grumbled and looked down as his wrung his hands together. "She loves me so fucking much she ran away from me and didn't give me the chance to look after."

Flynn released a disbelieving chuckle and then remembered the Christian he was dealing with, "What happened to Ana is completely unimaginable. She did something in order to keep close to you after you were announced dead and it went wrong on her. She became an abuse victim and she wanted to love you but, she was dealing with so many conflicts that she had to learn to live without you in order to love you wholly. She did that."

Christian was rendered speechless for a moment, "Really?"

Giving a sharp nod and a smile, Flynn loved this part of the story, "She promised fate would bring you back together. You made her take her engagement ring with her and then a few months later you two literally walked into one another on the street and your relationship was stronger and formidable."

"Then why am I like I am now?" Christian sounded like a child as he asked that, "If we're like everyone keeps telling me we are then why the fuck was she blown from my memory and I find myself loathing her."

"You want my honest opinion?" Flynn asked and Christian gave a fearful head nod. "I think you've regressed back to a Christian that had no way of getting out of a great depression. You were so involved on what you had become, on the monster you had been made into that you didn't think you deserved anything but being given the ability to beat brunettes." Flynn watched as Christian controlled his breathing as he listened, "Ana was never just any other brunette and I think your mind still sees that. It knows she's worth more than a beating and a hard fuck, Christian. She gave you everything; a part of you acknowledges that."

"I don't feel anything for her though," Christian gave a perplexed look, his eyes searching out an answer in any part of Flynn. "If she's so fucking important to me why don't I feel it?"

"I have a theory that it's to do with a coping mechanism. You mentally cannot feel anything for her because in your subconscious you know you're scared to lose here entirely. All the words you speak to her aren't worth anything because you know, from what I know, she's probably shown you since this happened, that she loves you enough to deal with you and cope with you."

"My fifty shades double," Christian muttered to himself and then looked up alarmed, "What about the fact that I need control back? I need to take control of a sub and deal with my life that way. I need to reign back in and dominate how my life goes."

Flynn ran a hand over his chin, "Your urge isn't as much as it was I can tell." He saw Christian's fury ignite and Flynn knew to press it, "What about subs? What do you remember about them?"

Christian put his hands to his head and sat back, releasing a long breath, "I have some memory of getting someone new, but I just remember getting rid of one of the girls for displeasuring me."

Flynn thought for a moment before pushing for more details, "Remember the number at all?"

"The thirteenth," Christian commented with a great certainty.

Flynn decided not to divulge Leila's craziness today and seeing as he remembered getting a new sub, he would soon know it was her. There was overwhelming and then there was overpowering and Christian didn't need memories pressed on him. He needed to work this information the best way he could. He had to mentally take it all in and then make sense of it however his mind could.

"What?" He barked it as though he was commanding order.

"Nothing much really," Flynn noted and continued, "From that I can tell your memory goes back quite far. You were at fifteen when you met Ana. So we have a date almost on your last memory."

"Like that helps," Christian scoffed. "I don't particularly want to be stuck like this forever. I don't want to fucking loathe a woman that clearly would put her life on the line for me. How can I be ready to be like this?"

"For now though I think you need to get ready for what you're like now and find ways to change yourself for Ana," Flynn spoke with a feather light tone, "After all that's happened I'm sure you can do that. If that is what you want."

Shaking his head, Christian couldn't comprehend what was going through his mind. He snapped back like an elastic band and looked to Flynn with darkened eyes, "I think you mean Ana needs to be ready for me to be like this," Christian then took a stand and looked down at Flynn. "I won't ever be her nice husband again. That I can't change as quickly as she likes. So she's the one that will have to live with it."

Christian got up and left Flynn behind after that, not prepared to accept of Flynn's advice.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Flynn didn't want to leave without seeing Ana first, and after finding him taking a stiff drink, Flynn realised Christian's flippant behaviour to her whereabouts was just adding fuel to the fire of how condemned the atmosphere in the apartment felt.

Going to Ana's own office, Flynn knocked and heard Ana call out to let him in. She looked up at him, her eyes bloodshot and red, her face sore looking from crying and if he had to admit, she just didn't look well at all. He gave her a smile as he opened the door more, "Mind if I come in?"

"Course not," Ana replied and put the manuscript she was skimming down and got up and took him over to the couch. "What are you doing here?" She asked giving him a welcome hug before the pair sat.

"It's been a long time I know," Flynn replied and gave her a smile. "Christian called and asked me to come round. I've been with him a little while."

"Like old times, eh?" Ana joked, knowing that it seemed to be a time warp that Christian had been cast back into. "How did that go down?"

"Oh you know, the same ole same ole," Flynn gave a little laugh. "I know I primarily came here for Christian but, I needed to see you, Ana. How are doing?"

"I've been better," She mumbled in admittance and dipped her head and pushed her hair back from her face

"Ana, I'm so sorry about everything that's going on, in my honest opinion, Christian not only regressed back to an earlier stage of himself but, he has reverted to near enough full on Dom mode. I can't say that this is permanent or not but, if he is you need to brace yourself for the fact that this time you might not safe him," He started to tell her with an honest heart.

Taking a cutting inhale, Ana went off topic for a moment hoping that someone who understood the mind and psychology could divulge a reasonable explanation to her. "Why doesn't he love me?" Ana asked and bit her lip minimally to gather some inner strength, "When he first met me before he wanted me. He might not have admitted it willingly back then but, he did and I knew it and he knew it. Now he doesn't want me at all. He isn't even attracted to me."

"Ana," Flynn started in an easy tone, drawing her into a sense of security, "In my professional opinion, Christian is acting out of character. His mind is telling him to hate it all, but his question tells me that there is a part in him that is fighting to be set free." She saw fear ignite in her blue eyes like wildfire, "I'm not implying you walk away, I'm just being realistic."

"Good because I don't want to walk away," Ana remarked and signed so sadly her body seemed to deflate even more. "He's worth it. He is worth the effort to get him to love me again."

Flynn took Ana's hand, "I don't think getting him to love you will work this time, Ana. He is not the man you met and it's going to take a lot of strong willed behaviour to make him realise that he is worthy this time of your love." He could see Ana's expression falter more so than ever before, "If you are willing to fight him then I will be here for you to fall back on. I will be here for that release if you think he is worth the heartache?"

"He is," She whispered at him tentatively. She didn't say anymore, that easy testimony concreted her place in this house. Feeling Flynn squeeze her hand before letting their hands slip apart Ana knew she had a fall out guy. She could run to him when she needed sanctuary. That gave her extra potency to stick this out. Looking up to the retreating man, she needed to set a path here, "I might need to call in for sessions," Ana called out as he went to leave to go home.

"Is this all because of the situation here?" He asked, knowing he had to deal with that stone now. He could see Ana was becoming the tortured soul under so many demonic presences and he knew she was reaching out a hand to him.

"Kind of," Ana replied Quietly and looked up to Flynn, "everything that happened with Stephen, it just won't leave me alone since all of this and it's killing me to live without my husband's help and living remembering what that man did to me." Ana's lip trembled, "I can't live back when he did that to me. I've lived without those memories; I don't want to go back to that place."

"You know I am on the end of the phone whenever you need me, Ana," Flynn told her, offering her an olive branch for guidance than he already had. "That might stand for Christian but, it stands for you too. Night or day but, may I offer my grand advise?" He watched only Ana nod at him, "I think you might need to remove yourself form the equation, Ana. Look at taking a break," Flynn advised, "Go away even for a night and come back with a fresh mind."

That struck a nerve and Ana started to shake her head. She had this irrational illusion that if she went away when she came back he would gone. She wouldn't be able to cope with that. For now going to work and leaving him was hard enough. Purposefully going away would kill her.

"I promised to never leave him," Ana looked up at the good doctor, "I'm not going to break that promise. I'm not even going to start. Not even for a day." She took in a juddering breath and tried to give a smile to cover up the impending tears, "I need some air."

Ana didn't even see Christian standing in ear shot as she fled the apartment.


	10. Selfishly Chosen

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_Right, after the reviews we'll see how this goes down... But if you feel yourself getting a little like you wanna give up, I say go pay a visit to my AN in chapter 3 ;) HINT HINT... Thanks for the response to this and let's get some more turns going..._

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Ten

* * *

Christian had long since escaped the enclosed space of Escala. He had come to his club, a place that was his and a place that knew him as much as he knew it. He was thankful to see it still thrived and it still looked as good as he remembered. He couldn't deny how lucky he was to have such a dutiful wife, who even in the face of all this stuck by him. However, he deemed her an unlucky for being stuck with a man that saw no real use in her.

He didn't love her, though he desired to dominate her but, he couldn't bring himself to touch her that way. Hell, he hadn't touched her unless to threaten her or to feel her unleashed fury. If he were to marry someone he wanted to feel it every day and he wanted to love her and care for her.

Right now, stuck in Escala he was on self destruct mode and Ana was sadly stuck in the crossfire begging for her husband to reclaim his body.

He found a piece of home come back to him when he found a new case full of sex toys in the walk in closet and he realised there must be an element of kinky fuckery involved. He was disappointed to find flexible cuffs and easy escape ones but, after what he had heard from Flynn and Elena, and bits from his parents, he realised that Ana still gave herself even with even more hard limits than he could dream.

A part of him admire the fact that Ana was able to that but, it still didn't inspire him to take charge and touch her. There was just something he couldn't bring himself to do.

He had order his second whiskey, when he noticed Sawyer sitting in the corner and he realised that, although he didn't know the man well, he had a good guard there. Prompt and precise and knew how to do his job as well as Taylor did. He did just wish Taylor hadn't gotten so hurt.

He felt the need to have his right hand man here.

However, he was alone here, defenceless and vulnerable.

"Well it has been a while," a voice popped into his left ear, a figure breaking into his personal space. "It must have been a good three and a half, nearly four years."

Christian looked up to be met with a brown haired, brown eyed slender woman. He furrowed his brow, "Do I know you?" Christian noticed her look, and from his peripheral saw Sawyer advancing towards them. Raising his hand he stopped the guard and decided to indulge in this woman for a moment.

"I read about your amnesia issue and how distant you and your wife are coming," she sympathised and as much as she wanted to, she reframed from placing a hand onto Christian's arm. "I'm Leila Williams," She placed a hand out as if to strike up a new relationship, "I am one of your," She didn't respond, she just tilted her head to elude to the reply.

What one is she? Christian had to ask himself and could only imagine she was one of the lasts in his list. Christian took her hand, seeing his way out of his problem with losing the playroom. "How can I believe you?" He asked her, not willingly to just subject himself to her whim.

With a response, Leila jumped into action by opening her bag up. Leila opened her open and pushed a few buttons before holding her phone up. Sure enough, Christian's phone began to play and she grinned, "You kept the same number all these years. Clearly there are some parts of your past that you just couldn't hide away from."

That struck a chord with Christian. If he loved his wife so much why would he keep the same number for so long? Why would he want his ex-subs still having his number? That didn't settle with him but, he had no time to challenge it or sought out an answer he would never get.

"So, how come you didn't last?" Christian asked as he swirled the ice around in the glass. He was trying to see if she was put off by his blasé attention or if she was really a worthy candidate of knowing after clearly forgetting.

"Let's call me the one that got away," Leila played, keeping her distance from him but keeping the sexuality at a maximum. She ran a hand down her chest, as if to lining the hem of her dress and she looked up at him, her brown eyes full of nothing but seduction.

Christian laughed at her, "What makes you say that then?"

"I fell in love too easily," She commented and broke for a moment. With a sigh she continued her sob sounding story, "You too actually, just not with me."

"With Anastasia?" He asked knowing the answer before he even questioned it.

"Yes," Leila sighed. "She was a first for you."

_First_, Christian sat up straight, affected by that word in connection to Ana but, before he could even give it an inkling of attention it was buried and he looked to Leila as she stared at him with such want and desire.

"You let her sleep in your bed. You let her touch you," She started to tell him honestly, "And I know from training that you don't like being touch, Master."

Christian grinned at hearing just that name. _Master_. Oh yes, this woman knew how to please a dominant male. She was able to do that with just keeping the right distance, saying the right now and being exactly the type of girl he loved to beat mercilessly and then fuck as hard as he could.

"It's a hard limit for you," She told him and saw he was impressed with her. "Can I ask something?"

"Ask away," He replied and downed his glass of whiskey.

Leila leaned against the bar more, "Do you still love her?" Leila asked and even though she used to be his sub, she was slightly more upfront and dominant in herself.

"No comment," Christian replied simply and with a graceful manner. He didn't know what he's relationship with Ana was doing or where it was going but, he wasn't about to divulge the gory details to someone who he had just met, "Now, if you were one of my _girls_, then what colour was the room?"

"Red," Leila replied in a flash.

Christian nodded, although it could have been an easy guess, "And why wouldn't I let you touch my chest?"

"Because of your scars," Leila replied simply and leaned in towards. "I miss that lifestyle, _Master_. I miss the obedience, the pleasure for pain, the giving up my will to you."

And Christian felt the strength of his yearning for control develop in the willingness of Leila. "Oh, the stuff I can imagine doing to you," Christian murmured, the sickening thought was that he was willing to do it with his wife sleeping in the guest room. He was a heartless bastard and maybe this would prove that he was no longer worthy of her.

Maybe this would be the one thing that would change her mind on wanting to make him love her again. This might break him free.

"Are the things I've waited far too long for," Leila replied in response to his comment.

Leila wasn't playing anymore. After her mental break, after her stupidity of a breakdown and going postal, she got better, achieved things but, she had yearned for Christian since the day she had last seen him. However, she knew his heart would remain with Ana, his wife, but right now, he was needy and she was willing.

Familiar impulses ran through his body and took Leila's hand in his and began to take her our of the club. He would improvise and he would make sure Leila left so many shades of red she would hate the colour by morning.

"Where are we going?" She asked, not understanding how he suddenly went from drinking casually in a bar to wanting her. He was married. He had chosen someone else because she wasn't enough to unleash a sexual frenzy upon.

"You're coming back with me," Christian growled and gave Sawyer a look to tell him to not even bother intervene. If anyone stopped them he would have their head on a silver platter.

He needed to work out some of his loses and gain some grip onto control. He had no penitence for how Ana would survive this fall out but he knew he couldn't do any of the things he had in mind for Leila to Ana. It was like a glass wall was stopping him, trapping him.

"Yes Sir," She replied and listened to him and Christian only became more empowered by those two words.

Like music to his ears, he knew he would find a way to get her into the apartment without Ana knowing.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N: **_Now who's going crazy? Hang in there for chapter 11 it'll be worth it I promise!_

_If chapter 11 doesn't work out for you, I'll give you my home address where you can directly send hate mail ;)_


	11. Desperado's Fallout

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_So I was mean and went to bed! If I were American I could have updated again but, alas, I am not! So you're stuck with an update now! Now, thank you and enjoy!_

_You'll be getting another update when I'm done at work in about 11-12ish hours ;)_

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Eleven

* * *

Ana kept mentally reminding herself that she needed to ring Grace. She needed a mother whilst her mother wasn't here and she needed help. The pain in her side was worse, becoming excruciating if anything, and she had been battling a fever all day only to have it spike now. She had been curled up on the couch since a little after Flynn left and she hadn't had the energy to get up and see where Christian had gone. She had just remained under the blanket and prayed she would feel better again soon.

No such luck apparently as she still felt ill and the door was finally unlocking. Getting up, she was going to go and question her husband about his whereabouts and reiterate that common courtesy would have been to tell her he was heading out at least.

She had lost track on time and after getting some air she had come back and decided to put her and Christian's wedding tape on just so she could live a moment with the Christian she loved. She only resulted in crying and missing him all the more. Thinking about it, this utter desolation was a reflection on what she felt when they called off the man hunt for Christian's body all those years ago.

She never thought she would feel that ever again.

Now Christian was home, she could see where he got to and then she was going to crawl into the cold sheets in the guest room and just enjoy watching every night time hour lapse. Walking out, her hand to her pained side she wanted to just lay eyes on Christian.

However, what she saw made her stop in her tracks, all other ailments disappeared as the sight before her and it made her sick to her stomach. The devil that had taken up precedence on her shoulder mockingly laughed and sharpened his talons in preparation for the downfall. He was whispering Leila's name at her, reminding her of past events from well before Charlie Tango and he was sardonic of his inner torture to her.

Stupidly she had to ask, "What is going on here?" She felt like someone was breaking her ribcage in order to rip her heart from its cavity and throw it under Christian's foot so he could step on it and break it forever.

Christian looked to Leila and back, "I needed some control. Leila here offered that and who was I to deny?"

"So you brought the woman that tried to kill me once before into our home?" Ana asked, her anger making her eyes water but, her strong will begged her not to cry. Ana let out a laugh and shook her head at the sheer disbelief she was feeling, "This is un-fucking-believable."

"Master," Leila's voice broke into the air sickly sweet, "Permission to speak?"

"Yes," Christian authorised for her to speak and he liked how obedient this brunette girl was. He wondered what type of sub she made when she was in the throe of it all. He could only think good things for her.

Ana's eyes bulged at her husband. Was he actually fucking kidding right now? Was he actually aiding her in this moment? He had somehow picked up Leila and brought her here for a hard fuck and sadistically twisted pleasure. Ana had never felt the pain like the one that was ripping at her heart right now. It was consuming and if it made a noise, she was sure it would be an awful blood curdling scream, loud enough and sharp enough to burst her ear drums.

"It was an accident we met back up but, I would say that fate did it," Leila asked and saw how that comment affected Ana most. "We were both at the right place at the right time."

"Well you're in the wrong place at the wrong time now," Ana ground out, her heartache coming out as an almighty fiery ball of anger. "You're not wanted here."

"He wanted me," Leila replied simply and offered a small smile. "We cleared up the memory loss thing and here we are. He brought me here."

Ana didn't recognise this woman. The one that had almost killed her and been docile and obedient at Christian's feet. She had spoken in broken sentences and was lost in her actions. She was consumed in her hatred for Ana. She was quiet, subordinate but, now she was slightly more powerful but, willing to give her all to Christian's every whim.

And Ana knew what she saw because, of course, he would want her if she was willing but, Ana would have given herself over to him in the blink of an eye. If he wanted to use that to gain some control she would have committed to just keeping him here and not going out looking for a new woman, a new submissive.

Her biggest fears just seemed to continue coming true.

"I won't let you," She whispered and slowly rose her eyes, "I won't let you do a fucking thing to her when I'm your wife! There is no way you are _submitting_ her to whatever the fuck you want in our house and don't think for one fucking second I'm going to let you leave with her." She saw Christian take a step forward and go to argue back, "If you wanted someone to give a hard fuck to you, you could have just taken me! Fuck, I would have let you taken a belt to me," Ana admitted and memories rose like bile in her throat. She would have taken whatever he wanted to do to her in order to keep him here with her. Even if that meant breaking her she didn't care. She had become so desperate to make him see her for someone he wanted and loved.

"We both know you can't handle it," Christian gave his assumption based on what he had heard about Stephen Davis and his fallout.

"I would have!" Ana bellowed at him, her stomach constricting at the nasty thoughts of Leila and her husband coercing in sexual intercourse in her martial bed. "For you, Christian, I would have given you me."

"You're far too weak for me," Christian remarked with a less than happy note.

Ana's chest lugged it's breaths in a ragged manner, "I am not fucking weak so stop telling me I am! Our past together proved that to me. Everything we went through proved I am not weak." Ana was positively livid at that moment, unable to retain the amount of emotions rushing through her veins at what happened since receiving the call to say her husband had been attacked. "Our past didn't define us like that!"

"You're right," He started, goading her, "Because it's not my past," Christian put his hands in the air and then lowered them.

Ana reached round and allowed the palm of her hand to collide forcefully with Christian's left cheek.

"You'll regret that," Christian words slipped out like ice, his eyes targeting her with malice as he felt the sting in his cheek.

"I don't think so," Ana told him and looked at Leila, running her tongue along the inside of her mouth as she calculated the multiple ways to kill a bitch without getting caught. Sadistically, she thought about a frozen leg of lamb and then afterwards she could cook a meal and feed Christian the murder weapon.

That thought soothed her if only slightly.

"If you don't get out by the time I count to three you're going to wish you had killed me that night in my apartment when you had the opportunity all those years ago!" Ana screamed at Leila making her jump, she then took a careful step towards the slender brunette, "One," she started and Leila looked to Christian for a defence but found none. "Two," Ana took another step, "Don't let me get to three."

Without another word, Leila turned and all but bolted from the apartment. Watching the girl leave with her tail between her legs, Christian watched Ana intently, gauging her behaviour, trying to guess her next move. He wanted answers and he wanted Ana to pay for her actions. He was so close to getting some control and Ana had just taken that right from him all over again. God, if she was his submissive she would be punished to the extent that she wouldn't be able to sit down for a month.

"Why would you do that?" Christian asked as he got up in Ana's face, his breath heated with rage, his eyes hoping to kill a bit more of her soul with how much he loathed her for chasing his piece of ass for the night away.

Ana leaned in at her husband, closing the gap a little more, her eyes just as menacing as his, "I did that because when you get your head together and you remember me, because believe you will remember me, I don't want you to hate yourself for cheating on me. You took vows, Christian. You might not remember them but, that doesn't mean that I forgot them." Just to rile him more, she patted his face and stood up straight, "I won't ever forget how you took your vows and how you looked at me when you did. So forgive me for loving you enough to prevent you making a mistake."

With her piece said, she turned and stalked away, not prepared for another full blown, wall shaking argument. She left him no time to form an attack.

She had to seek some sanctuary and lick her own wounds right now.


	12. No Expectations

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_So a few of your think I lied and made this a cheating story. He hasn't cheated, he thought about it... There is a difference. Some of you seem to have forgotten that this isn't the Christian that was created in the last two stories – he's cold, real heartless and thinks he doesn't love Ana. He has no conscience where she is involved. So for the lovely guest reviewer who called my story sick and like all the other cheating stories, it isn't. He didn't have sex with Leila, didn't even kiss her. And Ana didn't stand by and watch; she killed the moment and fought back. If you don't want to read that is your opinion but, I won't let you make me feel bad for my story._

_Off my soap box! Right to those who are still willing to stick with this story read on and enjoy! _

_And for those who expressed ideas, I love them but, for what's in my plan it doesn't quite fit! Thank you anyway, you are amazing!_

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Twelve

* * *

Christian couldn't mistake the sob that Ana tried to hide and he saw the look Sawyer gave him when he said the building was secure and went to the office to continue his surveillance. It was like he was condemned man.

Walking into the living room, he found the room illuminated with the glaring brightness of television and when he actually looked before attempting to switch it off, he found it paused onto a scene of him and Ana. She was smiling with such happiness, and he was looking at her, like he had staked claim of the most precious jewel in the world.

Christian finally saw himself for what everyone else did – The good guy. He could see clearly now how much he loved Ana just by the fact that their gazes met and his hand was to her face in a delicate touch. Pushing play, he watched himself lean in and kiss her before he reached to her ear and clearly whispered something as Ana released a giggle. The noise of it hit him hard and it sounded familiar as it bounced around his head. It wasn't a noise he could claim he heard since being released from the hospital and he had to admit, he had never see Ana this happy.

All he had seen was her putting on a brave face and claiming to be okay. Right now, he could see how far from okay she had been in the last week or so.

He had to find her, he had to apologise. He had to do something to help him. He had no idea where she had gone but, he needed to clear his mind and so he took to the roof. A place he liked to come many times after tough deals or bad nightmares. Lately, he had been here most nights seeing as the nightmares seem to be more vivid.

With a clear head he could start to make Ana see that although he wasn't the man she loved, he was still polite. As much as he wanted her out, he never realised how his actions had consequences that would hurt Ana.

Climbing the steps, he came out to the open and saw that the rooftop was changed. It had seating now, and the presence of life up here. He turned to go over to view the whole of Seattle when he heard the sobbing and Christian stopped mid step as he saw her sitting out here. "I didn't know you were up here."

Ana quickly wiped her face and unfolded her legs down from her chest and stood up, "It doesn't matter. I was just going in," She lied and began to go towards the door. She didn't want to go in, she wanted to stay here and live in the love of the memories she had but, she also didn't want to stand in the same place as Christian.

With other intentions, Christian reached for her hand and as his palm caught hers he felt something buzz through his fingertips. The feeling of electricity struck him and he was compelled to keep her with him for some strange reason.

"You really loved him didn't you?" He asked, and he felt a pang of pain at the idea of Ana loving another him but, not him. This woman was actually more beguiling than he had ever thought, she was captivating and full of strength and love and she was deserving of so much.

"_Him_?" Ana asked as she turned to face him and ripped her hand from his unable to feel touch, "I didn't really love him, I really love you." She watched Christian shake his head at her and she loathed her eyes for beginning to sting with tears, and she released an ironic laugh, "I met you when you were like this. This cold, heartless CEO who loved to submit brunettes to rounds of sexual torment but, I wanted more and so did you. You fell in love with the first time you saw me and that isn't me putting words in your mouth, Christian. Those are words you told me."

"I wish I remembered that," Christian apologised to her.

Ana rolled her eyes when the tears became heavier and heavier, "I wish you did to. Believe me, I wish you remembered them. Hell, I wish you remember one piece of your life with me." She took a breath and began to hug herself, as if that would give her some sort of strength and defence, "The Christian I knew would never have done a thing like you just did. I don't even think the man I embarrassed myself in front of on our first meeting would have been that callous and evil."

Christian hated that now he had a wife who deemed him evil. She had been his biggest advocate and now she hated him, loathed him, found the evil in him and he snapped under the assumption everyone had of him. "You can't expect me to be the same Christian you know! I'm not him, I can't be him! I cannot make myself be someone I am not so stop expecting me to be!"

"I don't expect anything!" Ana erupted as she stood up, "As much as I want my husband back to hold me when I can't sleep or tell me that the stress of owning my own business will pass or as much as I want my husband to fucking seduce me during the middle of a family meal, I know you won't do that!" She threw her hands up the air in despair and then placed her hands on her head, "You don't light up anymore like you used to do when you see me, fuck you turned all of our photos so they were face down. Am I really that repulsive?" She asked him and, honestly, she dreaded the answer. "Do you hate me that much?"

"No," Christian moaned that word and ran his hands through his hair before giving up. "But you have to realise I am not your husband."

"I know that," Ana admonished in a shaky voice, admitting to herself more than her husband was long gone. "You aren't my husband, I know that. God, do I but, I'm a hopeless dreamer and I won't ever stop believing that our love will bring us together again. It did before I don't see why it won't again!" Ana then closed the distance between them, so much so the tips of her toes were hitting Christian's. "You may have changed, Christian," She said and shakily began to raise her palm up between them, "But your heart never changed," Ana said and for the first time in what felt like an eternity she rested her hand to his broad chest and thought a turning point came as he left her hand there. There was a rush of energy that coursed from her to him. A force from something so much more than them and Ana smiled for the first time in ages at feeling her husband close. Feeling the heat from his chest mask her palm she could feel his beating heart and she felt like the heartless man before her was her husband. He was the one man that could turn her on with the blink of an eye, who lavished her body with love and her life with gifts and the man who loved her with his entire being. For a moment, she believed nothing was wrong.

Christian looked down and suddenly his breathing changed. He began to pant and heave and he slapped her hand away. "Don't ever touch me again!" His literally spat those words at her, "If you're my wife you know I don't like being touch by that."

"I am your wife and I know I'm the only one that is allowed to touch you!" She shouted back, not letting him turn into the beast all over again. "You gave me that right!"

Christian made the gap between them wider. "Well don't you dare even think about touching me or I will have you tied up so fast you would beg you had never been born," He almost snarled his words at her and watched her not even flinch to him. Either he was losing his touch or he had gravely underestimated the woman he had married.

When she took a moment to meet his gaze, he knew it was the latter.

Releasing an ironic laugh, Ana knew this was always going to be a case of one step forward, fifty steps back. "Fine," She huffed at him, "If that's how it's going to be then we can both play at this." Ana felt like she was dangerously playing Russian roulette. All she needed was the gun to go off. "You can think again if I'm going to anything to make you feel better anymore," Ana told him, her tone short and snappy. "I'm moving back into_ our_ bedroom and if you don't like it then you can fuck off to the guest room. If you care so little for me then I won't care in the slightest about you either."

"Fine by me," Christian tried her, playing along with her words. He was seeing her giving up this life with him and he was hoping she would call the shots and break it off. There was one issue with that claim, he had no idea the type of character Ana really was. He had seen her at her fiercest, at her saddest, at her most lost but, he had also seen her redeem herself and he couldn't peg her as weak right now. He just hoped his attitude would wear thin on her and she would cave.

However, Ana gave a smile that even put the fear of Christ through him. He had never seen this on someone else but himself and he never imagined a woman he married could be his double. Ana hadn't lied when she made that claim. She was her own fifty shades and her heart was clearly worth it.

"And if you want to divorce me?" She asked him, "Do it but, it'll be you crying when you realise we have no pre-nup because you wanted us to be equals. Divorce me and take my villas and my home but, remember I can get half of your company and half of what's yours." She saw the panic ignite across Christian's face and she laughed, "If you had looked harder you would have known our marriage agreement. We only had one and that was to be in it together until the end." Ana felt powerful at having Christian unable to speak before her, "I can't believe I ever imagined that you would love me regardless of what life threw at us," Ana told him, her eyes watering so much the tears just released down her cheeks. "And do you know what hurt the most?"

"What?" He gasped at the only word that seemed to feel right. He couldn't believe what he was seeing or hearing. He had seen her give feistiness to make him realise her claims were more than just words but now after delivering blow after blow, she was out for his blood.

"I knew you stopped loving me the moment you looked at me in that hospital but, I just couldn't believe that we were over. I couldn't look at it for what we were made into," Ana then put distance between them, not begging her tears to hold back, she was heartbroken. There was nothing that could stop that, "And the sad truth here is that I still can't stop loving you."

With that said, Ana left the roof top haven and went back to the penthouse ready to put her photos back up, her clothes back away and climb into her marital bed.

Christian felt like a part of him was thrown from the building top and he couldn't help but felt like the poorest man around. "Then don't," he whispered out behind her. Now Ana was laying down the law he found himself consumed by her and he had no idea what to do with the feelings rivalling in him.

Christian's yearly liturgy of being loved had happened and now, because of who he had become, he was losing it all.


	13. The Stranger in the Room

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_SO I know a lot of you are asking about Ana's pain in her side – just wait and see what's planned ;) I wouldn't be dragging it out if I was clueless... That pain has been a pain in my muse's side since deciding to write this story LOL _

_Thank you for the response and enjoy! _

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Thirteen

* * *

"I think we need a word," Taylor commented as he cornered Christian. He might be still beaten and bruised but, Jason Taylor was back at work against everyone's orders.

"Where's Gail?" Christian attempted to deflect the moment. He picked at his breakfast as if he had no appetite – which he didn't.

"She's going through the pantry to do a big shop so don't change the subject," Taylor told him and slammed his hands down onto the counter and was surprised by the fact that he didn't exacerbate any of his constant pains. "I want you to face up to what you did last night."

"I did nothing wrong," Christian denied, not giving eye contact.

Taylor give a disbelieving sigh, "Leila fucking Williams of all people," Taylor exclaimed in a low, terrifying tone. "You couldn't have made it someone you didn't know."

"I don't know her," Christian stated, not withholding all of the smugness from his expression.

"I bet she told you though," Taylor assumed and he saw the guilt begin to swim into Christian's vision. "I know all about Leila Williamson and I hope you trust me enough to believe me that she is a piece of work." He watched Christian look at him intently, "She is mentally unstable and I don't doubt for one second that given the chance she would pounce on you regardless of whether you remembered your wife or not."

"I just needed control," Christian attempted to justify his actions.

"Don't you think Ana needs some control as well?" Taylor barked back, his tone still low and accusatory. "Christ, Christian, she lost you and her marriage in one swift hit and if anyone I feel for her most. I don't feel an ounce of pity for you when you act like you do. I feel for the woman that cries over you and you don't deserve her. You did but, when you push her and torture her like you have, I don't think you deserve even a tiny piece of her devotion."

Christian's eyes might as well have heated up with how the anger was penetrating through every piece of him and he slammed his hands down and stood up, "You don't know anything!"

"I know you though, Christian," Taylor narrowed his gaze, pointed his finger and didn't withhold on any of his aggression. "I knew the you, you were before Ana, before a lot of your subs. However," Taylor gave an exceedingly sad head shake, "I don't know this you. So I guess you're right, I don't know anything."

"Exactly," Christian mumbled at him, "So you should leave this the fuck alone!"

"Oh I will, but know this," Taylor dared to go on, not scared one bit of Christian. "You might not feel anything for her like you used to but, she still feels everything she always did. If anything ,the moment she got that call about you being in hospital her love for you magnified if I know Ana. The fact that you forgot her doesn't change her feelings and you seem to be the selfish bastard that forgot that she is a counterpart in this whether your mind remembers her or not." He watched Christian's morphing emotions as he was shown the brightest light ever, "You aren't a vicious man, Christian. You never were. The man I knew was never vicious. This man, this you, that was brought out as a result of that head injury never truly existed. Never, in the time I've worked for you have I seen you like this." He gave a nonchalant sigh, "I don't know how the brain works but this is worse than ever. You're nothing but a stranger. You're not my friend, or my boss."

Christian looked up, scared by those words, not willing to believe them but, what he was met with scared him. His right hand man meant every single word that he had just spoken.

"I can see you're starting to regret it all," Taylor pointed out, "And that is the Christian that loves Ana coming out." He went to grab himself a drink but froze, "If I ever find out you so much as glance at another woman with intent I will castrate you myself and serve you your testicles for lunch."

Again, Christian knew he meant every single word.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Even though she was up and dressed, Ana was pretty sure she should still be in bed. It was the first time in what felt like forever that she had been graced with a semi normal night sleep aside from the continual need to pee throughout the night that was. But she had concluded it was the sweet aroma of her husband's natural smelt melded with his aftershave that laced into the cotton of their bedding.

It was the only comfort she had, but today she woke up feeler sicker than ever. Even with her body killing her from head to toe, her heartache so much more. It was a constant, exacerbated throb like it was ready to burst out of her chest, sew itself to her wrist and make her a laughing stock.

She was loving a man that had proven how much he wanted to try to work things out with her.

Ana didn't say anything as she walked into the kitchen; she just wanted to sit down. Immediately Taylor was by her side and that hurt her. She wanted her worried fifty. She wanted Christian's eyes to look into but, all she got were Taylor's.

"You don't look too good, Ana," He commented and she shook her head only to fall against his cool palm as he pushed it against her forehead. "Jesus, you're burning up!"

"I'm fine," Ana pushed him away and could see from the corner of her eye Christian's twitchy palms. "I'll be fine once I've gotten into work. A company doesn't run itself," She took in a deep breath, not wanting to pinch her side because she didn't want anyone to know she was in pain. She wanted to get out of her own home and hide away, buried up to her eyeballs in work.

Taylor stepped in not taking any shit from her, "Let's get you back to bed. I can ring Hannah for you but, you aren't going anywhere." He looked over at his boss and didn't care for anything right now, "Christian, ring your mother."

Without fighting, Ana allowed Taylor to take her back into the bedroom and the moment she was in there she broke down. She was a hyper cell of emotions, each fighting one another to take precedence and now she was at her lowest with morale.

"Hey," Taylor said as he sat on the bed, "It's okay, Ana."

Shaking her head, she let her lip tremble, the tears falling, "He almost cheated on me, Jason. He brought her here." Ana let out a heartbreaking sob, "Oh God, he basically did cheat on me. He knew exactly what he wanted to do with her when he brought her here last night. He would do that with me in the same building, Jason."

"I know," Taylor admitted and saw Ana's tearful gaze widen in horror, "I laid into him heavily about it before you came out. Bastard is going to make mistakes and I don't care if it's his head injury or not, I will not let him forget them." He reached up and wiped her tears away, "Now, can I have faith that you can get changed and get into bed whilst I go and make sure Grace is on her way."

Ana just nodded and as soon as he was gone, she changed and crawled back under the sheets. She cried softly into sheets and allowed for sleep to join into each teardrop. She just felt like she was in a nightmare and needed waking up properly.

When she opened her eyes, she realised must have been dosing because no sooner than awoke she heard Grace's voice travelling through the air in the apartment. "I think she's got a reoccurring UTI," she spoke professionally. "The stress of everything won't be helping matters but, she seems to just be running her health down but, the symptoms you've seen match that."

"So what do we do?" Taylor asked, his eyes flickering between Grace and Christian as he kept close. He didn't know if this was a matter of guilt for Christian being close or the real Christian finding a way out.

"I think the hospital would be our best bet," Grace commented as she pushed the door open ready to go to Ana's aid.

"No, I am staying here," Ana spoke back sitting up as they entered, not letting them take her from the apartment. "You can't force me to go to the hospital."

Grace gave Ana a pitiful look as she came to sit next to her. "If you're no better after a new round of antibiotics or you get worse, I'm taking you myself," Grace told Ana who just gulped and admitted that fate. "How you feeling now? It took me a little long than I hoped to get here."

"I feel a bit better," Ana replied with a small smile, "but I do keep needing to go pee so excuse me." Quickly climbing out of her bed, she ran into the bathroom and went about her business before going back in and being commanded back to bed.

"I want you to sleep and I'll come in and check on you in a bit," Grace told her and quickly took her temperature and felt around Ana's side to feel for anything abnormal. When she didn't she then made Christian go and get some pain relief. It was more to make Ana feel like he wanted to help her than for Christian and she could see that Ana was given a mere slice of solace at her husband helping.

Grace didn't move as Ana finally curled up and went back to sleep. With Carla not here, and Ana placating the situation, Grace promised herself that she would be the mother that Ana thought she didn't need. However, that didn't stop Grace from getting closer to the moment she would ring for Carla. She just knew it would be the same moment when Ana let herself get too sick.

Christian took a seat in the bedroom and didn't move. He watched Ana as she began to fall asleep and just continued to stare at her. He had feelings for her, he knew he did. He just didn't want to confront them because the mere enormity of them right now was overriding his better judgment of letting himself fall into the fit of the frenzy.

He was scared of her love, that was why he fought her. He didn't realise his actions would bear such dire consequence as seeing her turn feral on someone that used to be his sub. He didn't realise it would take Taylor confronting him, Ana becoming more than a little dominant and his own sleeplessness to realise that he did feel something for Ana.

He knew he loved her, he did and he had thought so much he had worked a headache into motion. It was pounding on every brain cell he had, attacking his mind, causing him pain of too many magnitudes to decide how to describe it.

Without moving, Christian allowed the headache to thrash away. Even this was not anything near what he was due for the heartless bastard he had become.

He deserved penalising, torturous, nightmarish pain to be thrown at him.

A pain that would never die.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

It was later when she woke up and although she felt better, her side was pained and uncomfortable. As she curled up a little more, her hand going to her side, another hand beat her to it. It was large and unrelenting with its massaging and Ana pulled her eyes open in shock to see Christian sitting on his normal side of the bed.

His face was smothered with lost emotions and idyllic hope. "I am so sorry, Ana," He whispered at her, leaning in to kiss her.

_This couldn't be happening._

"Ana?" She called out to him, "I thought I was Anastasia to you, the woman that is ruining your life." There was a moment of silence and she had to look at him, she forced her fear aside and looked in awe at the man by her side. "Do you remember?" She asked cautiously, tentatively reaching up to touch his face only to have him fall against her palm.

Christian smiled and closed his eyes in pleasure as her finger tips tingled across his jaw bone, "I remember everything, Baby."

Disbelief rivalled her fever for swarming every cell in her body, "When?"

"It started last night," He told her, "You touched my chest and I had to push you away. I didn't sleep all night, I couldn't stop thinking of you but, Taylor laid into me and then you were so ill. I had to be here. I've been sitting here all day watching you sleep. I just snapped." He took a deep breath, "I don't expect you to forgive me, Ana, but I just had to step in and the moment I did I felt so devoted to you. I hate seeing you so ill."

_Oh my_, her subconscious whispered. Sobbing, Ana felt her husband's hand come to her face and she looked up at him. His grey eyes were lost and soothingly, full of love. There were no icicles or repulsion and she just sobbed again. And then she saw his tears, this was him and she just prayed it wasn't her fever doing this. She needed this to be real right now.

"Shh, don't cry. I hate it when you cry," Christian tried to relax her as he held her and he felt himself unravelling. He felt like he had been away from her for centuries and not days, weeks. He saw her eyes join his and as the tears fell they both were drawn to each other like a moth was to a flame.

Kissing her husband, Ana felt an immediate response as the sexual frustration she had been subjected to exploded and she felt herself yearn for her husband even more.

"God, I want you," Ana spoke in a feather light tone. She only ever wanted him and right now. He had come back to her, she knew that. The Christian she had been given after the attack had been one that couldn't deal with her touch, but here he was putting his hands all over her, kissing her, drinking her in.

Christian pulled up from her, delaying their kissing, "I'm not going to take forever, Baby, I want to have you but, I need you to get better."

"Christian, I just want you now," Ana whispered at him, her hands linked behind his neck. She pulled him down, "Just you," she whispered just before their lips met.

She didn't know if it were her fever or her general state of mind, but Ana was only just aware that Christian had her pyjama bottoms and panties off and was running his fingers over her clitoris, telling her how wet and ready she was.

And allowed her back to arch, his hands holding her still as he penetrated into her core, feeling the unison that had been broken and tattered for weeks now and both completely felt like the world no longer existed.

Christian remained gentle with her and reminded himself that she was really ill but, that they both wanted this. He kissed her, whispered at her and kept the rhythm going until he could feel Ana's body respond by dragging her to an intoxicating level.

As heated pulsed through her, Ana wasn't well enough to control herself. She had her husband, he had united them both and she just gave into the fall and felt her body tense and release as she allowed her orgasm to pulsate against his thrusts.

She was spent by the time she came down from a blessed heaven and Christian fell against her panting and kissing her delicately. He kept their closeness together, trying to make up for his behaviour. Christian knew this didn't solve a damn thing and he knew he had to try everything in order to succeed in making it up to Ana.

For now that meant looking after her.

"You should sleep now until you're next lot of medicine," Christian soothed as he withdrew from her and fell next to her. He watched as Ana, with heavily lidded eyes, turned and curled into him, their bodies becoming one.

"Please be here in the morning," Ana whispered her plea as she snuggled down, feeling the real Christian Grey experience around her.

"I'll be here, Baby. I've got nowhere else to go," Christian kissed into her hair, soothing her side. "Just sleep."

She fell asleep right in her husband's arms, head to his chest, heart repaired.


	14. Melodic Reality

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_Love your response to the chapter beforehand! You lot are incredible! __Thank you as always and enjoy what's to come... _

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Fourteen

* * *

When Ana woke up again it was the middle of the night and even though the room was empty she couldn't stop the smile that turned upon her lips. She let out a small giggle as she realised that she was still pantie-less under the sheets which could only mean that she had really had sex with Christian.

If it was a result of her fever then she was praying she was still suffering from it. Taking a minor stock check of her body, she knew she was still too ill to even contemplate work in the morning but, she was fine with that because she knew her husband would be there to look after her. Keeping her smile, she pushed up on the mattress wondering where her husband had disappeared to and that was when she heard it.

_There was music playing._

It was her tune, he was playing her melody and Ana paused and just listened. In all the weeks of grief and strife, hearing her husband playing the sweet melodic tune he had composed for her all those years ago made the feelings wash away.

Hearing the piano playing, Ana pulled herself completely out of bed and grabbed her panties and pyjamas and followed the noise. She walked barefoot and even though her body was telling her to go back to bed the sound was like a siren. It was calling her and she couldn't resist how perfect it all was to see Christian playing such a song.

He really did remember her.

"I still love this song," Ana murmured happily as she stepped in behind him, leaning down so she could loop her arms around his body and allowed her hands to graze across his chest. "It's been a while," She continued, inhaling his smell, allowing her body and mind to heal at just having him close to her.

"Get off me," He breathed out, his body tensing up on her. He almost completely stopped breathing as his body turned into stone and she didn't let go. "I said get the fuck off me!"

Ana quickly released him and near enough backed, "Christian?"

"You know how to fucking overstep boundaries," He heaved as though his personal space had been not only invaded but blown to smithereens. He got up from his seat and turned around to stare at hers and he got the expected response.

Ana looked terrified and lost in trying to work out why his eyes were cold and so biting and the reality dropped like a ten tonne weight and broke her. "No," Ana whispered with a tiny, fearful moan, "No, this can't be happening again."

"Oh, it is," Christian almost spoke with too much glee. "I don't know why last night happened but it feels like nothing but a nightmare. I woke up feeling sick and not knowing why I was in bed with you and then I remembered," He spoke with such animosity towards her that he could see it was hurting them both. "I remember having sex with you last night and I woke up like I did after that attack. I didn't fully know the woman next to me," He told her and ran his hands into his head, gripping at his roots tightly. "And do you know what you are?"

"What?" Ana fearfully asked him, terrified that he might cast her out even more so.

"You're under my skin!" Christian spat the words as if they were venomous and making him feel dirty just by speaking them. "I feel like I barely know you and I wake up fucking naked in bed with you!"

"You did know me," Ana spoke and for once didn't hate the tears that coursed down her face. "You remembered everything. You called me Ana, you told me not to cry anymore."

"Well, Anastasia, it seems we've lapsed," He told her, his eyes shining bright with the hatred for the predicament.

Ana shook her head; she wasn't going to believe that. She couldn't believe that. "You're wrong," Ana told him with a stern tone, "You are so completely wrong."

"How am I?" Christian asked as if he were the higher and almighty one. "How am I wrong? You don't know what I'm thinking!"

"That tune!" She all but shouted and pointed to the piano, "That is a composition you put together for _me_." She pointed to her chest then, poking her outstretched finger into her skin to make a point as her emotions ran rabid throughout her, "So how do you remember that if you've lapsed?"

"I don't fucking know, Anastasia but, I don't remember our life together passed meeting you in that hospital room!" Christian boomed back, his voice beginning to just take over the room with its sheer loudness and power. "I don't even feel enough for you to know that last night wasn't a mistake."

"Do you even feel anything?" Ana dared to ask as she felt as though she was thrown into a freefall bound for hell, "Or do you feel nothing?"

Feeling the guilt grow at how desperate she was to know he exhaled a sigh a met her gaze, "I know I don't love you but, I feel for you."

"Oh great," Ana cried out in disbelief, involuntarily letting out laughter to aid the moment and she rolled her eyes hard to stop the tears. All she wanted was her husband, her best friend, her soul mate back here. "I finally thought everything was worth it last night and now my own husband is standing here telling me us sleeping together was basically a mistake!"

"Well wasn't it?" Christian barked back at her.

"No!" She cut him down, "It was not a mistake because you were husband, Christian. You weren't this cruel, cold man that's been brought back! I don't even know where this version of you came from and I have to say I hate it!" Ana felt like she could something to release the anger in her. If anything the anger blew her sick feeling directly from her body. "The you I met that first day wasn't even this! I don't think you were ever like this!"

Christian marched up to her, face to face, eyes meeting eyes, both their aggressive energy feeding off one another, "I think it's time for wake up call, Anastasia. It's time to understand that you have to either accept me as I am or leave me as I am. It's your choice," He breathed the cold harsh truth at her. "You don't want to divorce me, I can see it written over every inch of you so it's time you faced the sorry truth of it all," He watched her, daring her to argue with him and then he placed that final nail in all of this. "You're married to a monster."

"No, I'm not," She finally debated back with the same hard tone she had used when they were up on the rooftop, "My husband is not a monster and I don't think you ever will be."

"I'm sure you won't be saying that when you find me fucking a skinny brunette," He spoke it too soon and felt the slap sooner than the realisation had dawned. If he wanted her to see him for the monster he swore he was then she sure did now.

As he watched her flee from him again, Christian sunk down onto the piano stool and hung his head. Only to put his head into his hands and cry openly at what he had become.

He wanted his life back. He needed that life back because clearly that made him happy.

Ana made him complete and he knew it.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Ana hated how filthy her husband had her feeling. He regretted making love to her last night and even pitied himself for taking advantage of her when she was ill. She could see that as much as she wanted to hold onto this life with a strong hold, Christian was going to be the death of her.

She'd gotten into the shower as quickly as she could and with seconds she slipped down into the shower so far she was on her side in the foetal position. She just sobbed her heart out against the bottom of the shower, her tears mixing and becoming one with the shower water. Her cries ricocheted off of the glass and marble tiled panels around her and she didn't care.

Her life had come back to her but, she had it ripped away from her with such vicious ferocity that she didn't know what to think. Why would life be this cruel? And, if it wasn't bad enough, for the first time in over two years Stephen Davis reared his ugly head. He was right all along. Christian would never love her again. It just took to this point to realise. It took them to build a life to realise that one moment could change it all. He had loved her, had wanted a future but now he wanted nothing.

But it didn't kill the hope in her.

Long after the water ran cold; Ana picked up her groggy feeling body, turned the water off and quickly wrapped herself up in one of the large fluffy towels. She was surrounded by riches from the tiles uses in the room, the bathroom set, hell to the flannels they used but, Ana felt like the poorest beggar going without Christian in her life.

With the biggest depression settling for the rest of the night, Ana got into her pyjamas and took a final look at herself in the mirror. Was this what a broken hearted woman looked like? If so, she had it perfected.

Gripping the basin Ana suddenly doubled over and breathed strongly until the pain subsided and as it did she felt weak and spent. She knew she was getting sicker but, a part of her didn't want to admit that. She was pretty sure believing it was the same part of her believing that her husband was going to came back to her.

She walked into the bedroom and run her hand along the dresser until it stopped in front of one her favourite photos of her and Christian. They were messing around, having fun with the family when Kate took this. Christian showing his possessiveness of her and his love adorned her as though her favourite accessory.

Ana dreaded the big bed before it. It would only feel emptier now and as she clambered upon it and wrapped up in the sheets, it feel more than empty. It felt like a stage for her to sleep on. She was too alone and decided she needed Kate here tomorrow for moral support. Without her, Ana knew it would be harder to face the truth. Picking her phone up, she dropped a text to Kate – _I thought we had breakthrough. Think you can come over tomorrow? I really need you. A x. _Placing her phone down, she realised it was still pretty much the middle of the night and Kate wouldn't reply to her.

So why not sleep away the dwelling loneliness?

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Ana woke up to arguing and immediately groaned out. She didn't want to deal with this today. She didn't want to deal with anything right now but this was beyond what she wanted. She couldn't even turn over and go back to sleep and ignore it.

It was just so use so she pulled herself up and sluggish followed the heated voices and paused for a moment to listen before going entirely into the main part of the apartment. Going out she found Kate and Elena together whilst Elliot's voice erupted upon Christian from gazing distance.

"Ana!" Kate exclaimed the moment she saw Ana come into the kitchen and immediately ushered Ana onto one of the stools, "God, Steele, you look like crap."

"Thanks," Ana told her friend with a dry throat and put her head down and wrapped her hands around it. "What's going on here?" She asked and looked up to see Elena and Kate wearing matching expression. "What?"

"Ana, Darling," Elena stepped in worriedly. "You look really ill."

"I really don't care right now," Ana snapped and immediately melted into an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, I just don't understand the awakening."

"It's okay, Steele," Kate told Ana and grabbed her a drink. "Elliot saw the text on my phone this morning and he's fed up of trying to be supportive when all we've watched is you being beaten down. When we turned up this morning, Christian looked like he was going stir crazy and being more standoffish than ever."

"Yeah, well that will be my fault," Ana drew in the blame and shook her head solemnly. "He remembered me last night. I woke up and he was there looking after me," Ana bit her lip before continuing. "We had sex," She felt guilty as she said that and she saw Kate and Elena's eyes widen. "He remembered everything and when I woke up he was gone." Her tears slipped from her eyes and she quickly attacked them with the back of her hand, "And I don't mean gone from our bed. He was _gone_."

"Oh, Ana," Elena sympathised and her and Kate began an advance to console her.

"Fuck you, Christian!" Elliot's voice boomed in breaking the moment and making all three women stare. "You're a douche bag and that is all you'll be if you don't even try to change! You're going to make the biggest mistake without knowing it."

"I can't help it," Christian managed to speak out and closed his eyes as if he were in the middle of some huge world ending battle. "I feel so damn lost."

"You think you're lost! We're all lost. Ana's lost, mom's lost, dad's lost, I feel lost! We were all living the good life and now we're all trying to accept you as you are. Even at your worst you weren't this bad!" Elliot quietened his tone a little, "What happened?"

Christian laughed out at that comment, "Did you forget I got smacked around the head with a baseball bat?"

"That's not what I meant!" Elliot released a growled of frustration, "You think I don't lay awake wondering why someone would go that crazy over a declined deal and attack my brother in such a way? I fucking love you, Christian! You and Mia are the best brother and sister I could have but, you never came back from that attack. You changed and I'm scared I am never going to see the brother again!"

Christian could feel himself getting fraught with ragged emotions as they seared through his chest.

"And do you know what?" Elliot began to ask, "If I'm scared I'll never get him back then what the hell must Ana be feeling?" He watched as Christian's eyes flashed with compunction and he wondered if that his brother fighting through all over again. "And in all this, I realised I'm more scared for her than I am for you or myself, Christian. Without you, she loses more than the man she loves."

"I can't stand this," Christian's cowardice began to shine bright than any other sign of repentance or conscience. "I need to get out of here." Christian was so consumed he didn't even see Ana, Elena or Kate watching on like a mesmerised audience. He just needed to escape.

"Don't leave," Ana called out, her voice weak but, strangely powerful as Christian stopped. "I don't care how much you hate me, Christian, but don't hate me enough to run out of here again." As grey met blue, she took a deep breath, "Please."

With all eyes on him, Christian knew this would be seen as peer pressure, but he nodded and left them all and locked himself up in his study.

He wasn't just a monster to himself, he was the monster to everyone.

The least he could do was make this easier for Ana.

* * *

**A/N:** Stick with the journey and enjoy... I promise to make all the emotions you lot have torn through worth it in the end =) KIRSTY PROMISE!

I know I've let a lot of people down but, I can honestly say this has been my plan all along and I have this story pretty much mapped out...


	15. Flying Negativity

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_There will be a lot more Christian POV coming up... For now THAAAANK YOU and enjoy as always =)_

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Fifteen

* * *

Christian never expected to contemplate divorce. Hell, he never expected to be in the married type of man that would elude onto a legal separation but, here he was weighing up the decision. If he were sitting here days ago, just after losing his memory, he would have slapped that divorce down and dealt with everything after but, now he felt differently. He felt something for Ana and it was strong and so set deep he couldn't deny it. He laughed at himself. Here he was plotting out what to do with his life whilst his wife, known to him or not, sat out with his mother ill.

How could he even think about this when she was so ill right now?

Giving up, and deciding he couldn't go through with divorcing Ana right now, he could hear steps approaching. He waited for the knock and called whoever was there in. He watched as Elena come in and he was still so shocked at her. She wasn't the woman he remembered; she was much more relaxed, loved up and happy. Not so prepared to command and order like she used to be.

"What's up, Elena?" He asked with a heavy sigh, his hand running over his tired face and felt ready to just cave and hide under his desk.

"I thought I would tell you that your mother's about to leave," Elena told him casually as she stood in the doorway. "She's just giving Ana another scolding and then leaving. Seriously your wife is one of the most unbelievably stubborn assed women," Elena saw Christian's eyes shine at her saying that and she hated him looking so lost. "Sorry, I know you don't remember her like that."

"I don't remember her at all," Christian grumbled and stood up. "What did my mom have to say?"

"Another UTI apparently according to the test she did here but, she is trying to get Ana to leave and go to the hospital for a routine check up," Elena gave a shrug. "If I had it my way I'd drag her."

"Why won't you?" Christian asked back as if it were Elena's job to do so and not his.

Elena shot him a look but turned and left him behind. She was going to bit her tongue and not speak what was on her mind right now. She wished she could go at Christian like Elliot had earlier but, she knew Ana was not up to more arguing. Not when she needed looking after.

As they both walked out they heard Grace speaking to Ana in a firm and yet oh so soft tone, "I wish you would let me take you in, Ana. We can get you better and quicker." She sighed, "I just know you won't rest whilst you are here, Sweetie. I know you too well."

"I know I never rest," Ana claimed back, "I plan to do that now. I just want to be better and I want to do it at home. I'm happy here." _And in denial to let her husband out of her sight right now._

Grace pursed her lips in displeasure, "I will be back after my shift to check on you." She looked to Kate, "I expect you to keep her like this until then. Am I understood?" She asked of Kate as she pulled the blanket more around Ana, not quite ready to head to work.

"Of course," Kate smirked, "I have the rest of my week booked off and most of that time will be making sure my girl here gets better. Plus Mia's going to come over later and take charge."

"Oh great," Ana scoffed, "I won't be getting any rest then."

Grace laughed, "I'll make sure my daughter tones it down."

Christian stood in the doorway. He might have woken up without any memories but, when he looked at Ana he did feel emotions, he was attracted and he wondered if this was a new turn of events. How could he not be? Even ill Ana radiated beauty. She literally pulsated every good element a perfect woman could and what more could he want when everyone loved her? He wondered if this was what everyone had always been like in regards to Ana for a split second his conscience took over, making him acknowledge what he was feeling. Was this what she made him feel when they first met?

"I'll be keeping her away from any and all excitement and stress," Kate commented and flicked a critical gaze at Christian as if to lay the law down. "She'll get TV and rest and everything brought to her. Elena and I will be a double force."

Christian could see how unhappy Ana was with her independency being snatched away from her and he had to smirk. She was such a defiant little beast that he found it a pleasurable to watch. More and more he saw that she was desirable and she was a match made for him.

Turing his head a little, he looked to Kate and wondered if he ever warmed up to her because right now he couldn't say he did but, she looked after Ana and loved her enough to put her life on hold for her and he found that admirable. He would grin and bear it all for her.

Finally standing up, Grace allowed Ana to curl up against Kate as Elena took her seat on the other side of Ana and she turned and approached her son. "You be okay?" Grace asked him gently and surveyed his face. She didn't get an answer, "Walk me out."

Listening Christian just followed Grace away from the three girls and remained silent. He had no need for words when they were futile.

Turning on her heels, Grace looked at her on before allowing her motherly instinct to kick in and work hard, "You're both fragile and this will take time. I expect you to still be here and not out doing anything stupid when I get back later."

Christian just hugged his mother, a little tighter than normal, and then let her out.

He would pay for his mistake of bringing Leila home for the rest of his waking days.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Hours later, after having to leave, Christian was left alone with Ana. He had gone into the master bedroom to grab some clothes to take with him into the guestroom. He had given up the fight of trying to reclaim back the master room. Ana was ill; she needed a creature comfort like that room to help her feel better.

He went into the bathroom to see if anything was in there he would need and immediately was stopped in his paces. Seeing the empty boxes around the sink he went over and reached to grab one of the multiple pregnancy tests. Grappling for one of the boxes he cross-matched to see which symbol was which. Christian felt his blood course through him, red hot and burning his veins and arteries to a thinner thickness.

There was clearly a new problem on their hands here.

Storming from the room, feet smacking the ground in loud resounding thuds, Christian let his breath hiss and heave as he went straight for Ana who was left in the living room. He threw the white stick at her before laying heavily into her with his accusations, "Is this why you won't go to the hospital?" He asked and saw her sit up gingerly, looking down at the test. "Scared I might find out you're pregnant?"

"This isn't mine," She murmured weakly, way too out of sorts to be dealing with his attitudes. However she brought herself to her feet, holding the stick up and sticking to her claim.

"Don't fucking lie! You left them in the bathroom, Anastasia!" He bellowed at her, and now he saw her flinch he knew it wasn't because she was scared but, suffering a headache. "So are you and I expectant parents?"

"No," She replied honestly but, she saw he didn't agree with that answer either.

"I won't ask you again, Anastasia," He snapped back at her, "Are you pregnant?"

"I'm not," She argued back but Christian wasn't having any of it. "Kate's pregnant!" Ana shouted at him to make him not even dare argue with him. "I wasn't meant to tell you until Elliot knew. Apparently you and I struggle with the baby making department and gave up trying months ago." She was shocked for a moment when she saw a look burst into the grey orbs at her, "So don't worry, you're sperm failed again." She meant it as a joke but, she saw Christian's expression begin to darken and she realised she had forgotten that this wasn't the Christian that took jokes and joked back. This Christian didn't take sarcasm when the moments were tense and he certainly didn't laugh anymore.

However, he did huff laughter to just show how guarded he was by her attitude, "Has that been medically proven?" He asked her and he saw her answer in the gaze she gave back and he took his opportunity to pounce. "We are never not bringing a child into this world!" Christian waved the failed test, "So you best be glad these are negative!"

"Or what?" Ana dared to ask and hated herself for her altruistic mannerisms.

Christian's grin became ugly and twisted with smugness, "I'll divorce you and sue you for entrapment!"

Ana gasped, "What are you actually saying?"

"I am saying that if you got me pregnant I would claim that you tricked me into having sex with you the other night so that you could get pregnant," He told her with tone full of intent, each punctuation made, each syllable spoken clearly. "I'll say you took advantage of me and my memory loss to get pregnant so that I wouldn't leave you. You have motive."

And it suddenly dawned upon her, and Ana felt her stomach revolt at the dawn of realisation, "You actually are a monster."

"And we have a breakthrough!" Christian exclaimed as she ran off and away from him, heading towards the bedroom. Conversely, even though he had made a point, Christian wasn't happy with himself. He was just becoming more lost and more distant from the man he yearned to be.

Ana didn't stop until she was locking herself into the master bathroom. Ana just slid down the door and waited, silent sobs cascading from her, and listened for Christian to leave. The resounding door slamming did the job and she just remained put wondering if she stopped moving then she might just disappear.

She just tried to breathe as minimal as possible in order to just make it passed this hurt.

Suddenly, as a result of the stress, the upset and the infection in her body, Ana bolted across the bathroom on all fours and threw up into the toilet. She heaved and coughed and felt her misery beginning to sink lower than rock bottom and to top it all her pain in her side only got worse with each new retching.

Pushing herself up onto wobbly legs, Ana felt like her limbs were made of jello and she used the sink to steady herself. Turning on the water she rinsed her mouth and splashed the cool water onto her face before attempting to stand up straight. Immediately she was bent again and whimpering at the pain pulsating from her side. With only Christian in the apartment, Ana refused to ask for help thinking this would just pass. It wouldn't be like he would care anyway. After all, he didn't want a life with her if he didn't want children like he had done anymore, and just the thought made the pain grow tenfold and she doubled over. Something was really wrong.

As it got worse and began to spread, Ana forced her independence aside and knew she had to beg for help or get it herself. She just didn't know what would happen first and a part of her stupidly prayed it was Christian she found first rather than her phone.

Walking out of the room, her vision swam and she felt the wall next to her take her entire body weight and she stilled for a moment to gather some composure. Again she doubled in pain and howled out as the power of the pain become excruciating. She wanted to drop to her knees but she had to get some form of help.

Skidding her feet along the floor, just managing the art of right, left, right she edged slower and slower towards Christian's office and felt like she was still a grand distance away. It didn't even matter that the door was right in front of her, she knew she wouldn't make it. The goal might have been golden and laced with help but, her body was now paying for her lies and cover ups.

The pain exploded in her side and lower back and even though she was sure Christian hated her he wouldn't be able to ignore her screams – surely? As if to show his heart was growing back, Ana saw his door open and he stepped out into the open, his eyes searching for the source of the noise as if he didn't want to believe it was her.

Who else would it be when they were alone for the moment?

Looking at him, her eyes pleading him, she suddenly began to drop as if her legs were no longer supporting her body at all and suddenly the pain in her side was replaced as the entirety of her right side was masked with the impact of the panelled oak flooring.

She just about saw Christian's feet before she was lifted off of the floor and into his strong arms. She stared at him regardless of her head lolling around as he ran with her in his arms and she watched him talk to her, his face contorted with seriousness and alarm, except there was no noise.

Every sense in her body was shutting down until it – all – went – black.


	16. Who I want to be

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_Update time! Thank you for the reviews and support! Now here you'll find out what's wrong with Ana and you can see how right or wrong you are =)_

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Sixteen

* * *

"Why is he even here?" Kate whispered to her husband as she watched Christian pacing on the other side of the room. They had been in the same waiting room of the third floor of the hospital waiting on news of Ana since they arrive over two hours ago. Elliot had taken to Kate's side when Christian had pushed him away. Grace had warned not to ring anyone else for now until they knew what they were dealing with and ideally, she would have preferred Christian not even called Kate or Elliot until they knew. The stress was far too much for Ana clearly and overbearing her would just make her health worse not better. "He can barely stand her and now his mister panicky."

Elliot looked to Kate and sighed, shrugged, gave up all in one, "I don't know what's going on with him but, I'm worried about him."

"He should be worried about feeling my foot up his ass soon," Kate admonished as she kept her eyes on him for a moment too long. "I just want him to wake the hell up."

"Babe, calm down," Elliot soothed tryingly but, he could see that Kate, like everyone else was just a influx of emotions that were colliding and attacking one another. "You need to understand that he isn't acting like this by choice. Like mom said, he's still suffering from whatever that hit did to him. I know I'm angry at him but, I have to take a breath and remember that attack changed him and we don't know when or if he's coming back."

"You're right. Sorry. I feel for him I do but, it doesn't forgive his attitude," Kate commented and sighed. "And there's one thing I can say and really mean regarding him," Kate replied and felt bad at her attitude as she watched Christian on his own, "I actually just miss the old Christian."

"We all do," Elliot said and planted a kiss to Kate's temple and gazed on at his brother's distant behaviour. "Believe me, we all do."

He could feel eyes on him, but Christian was trying in vain to ignore them. He knew he was a bad guy here. In everyone's eyes he was and he accepted that fate. After what he had done to Ana in the apartment over the pregnancy tests, he deserved disowning.

Christian felt the wetness hit his top lip and, out of human habit, wiped it with the back of his hand. As he pulled away to drop his hand, he saw the redness and swore. Quickly he searched his pockets for a handkerchief and couldn't prevent the taste of blood seeping into his mouth.

"Fuck," He said as he found one and quickly unravelled it and put the expensive cotton to his face. The rush of blood was making him feel a little lightheaded but he remained standing.

"You've done this before," Elliot ran to his brother's aid and guided him to a seat. "When you came back after the crash you had some syndrome and got nose bleeds too often to count."

Christian sunk into his seat and leaned forward at his brother's command.

"Pinch the bridge of your nose," He advised and sat back knowing how his brother hated the idea of touch. "It seems you're still having side effects again."

"Great," Christian muttered nonchalantly and just remained leaning forward, one hand on his nose, the other holding the cloth under his nose. He had t look up a little and ask his brother, "I hear congratulations are in order?"

"Yeah," Elliot grinned, "That's why Kate left. Ana forced her to come and tell me." Elliot couldn't stop the smile that just took over his face, he was like a man held on cloud 9 and he wasn't desperate for an escape. "She was coming back when you rang me."

"Sorry for killing the mood," Christian dryly spoke through the handkerchief and realised Ana was right all along. "I didn't know who to call once I got here. I didn't know who would answer my call. I didn't know what to do."

"You got her here that was right move number one, bro," Elliot soothed Christian. "I would have stopped anything to be here. Kate especially. We need to be here."

Christian shook his head, trying to understand but he couldn't, his head was pounding as if a truck was driving into and backing up to just push the pedal down and pound into his head again and he felt like a failure. All the money and wealth he had around him and he felt like the biggest loser ever. "The old Christian wouldn't have let her get this ill would he?" Christian asked, his tone emotionless, his eyes wide with lost. "I would never have let her collapse in front of me would I?"

"I won't paint this up for you, Christian, because you wouldn't have done that. You never did." Elliot let out a nervous laugh and leaned forward to lean on his knees, "I remember this one time, Ana had slipped down some steps at work and busted her ankle up. You wouldn't let her walk on it until the doctor said it was okay. You drove Ana crazy but you kept telling her that every time you carried her into Escala it was like your wedding night all over again." Elliot looked over his shoulder to Christian, "You did things to the extreme but, you never once made Ana feel like it was because you didn't trust her. She knew everything you did was out of love. That was why you were always so happy."

"I want to be him," Christian began to sob then. He, Christian Grey, hot headed CEO was sitting crying over a woman he was completely horrible to and now he wanted to be the man she loved. "She loves him so much and I can't help but feel left out."

"You feel something for her don't you?" Elliot decided to bite the bullet.

Christian nodded and mouthed an affirmative, "She says she loves me but, I know it's him she loves. The Christian she built a life with that is. She doesn't love me."

"The way she looks at you tells me otherwise," Elliot squished his panic with the truth. An outsiders insight was always much more powerful after all. "That girl is still very much in love with this Christian that's here. I think that girl just counts her lucky stars that hit didn't kill you like mom said it should have. You're a walking miracle so I think it's time you look at it like this, bro – You could have died and not have a second chance with one of the most amazing women I know. You could have just died outright and left her to be miserable."

"She is miserable though which shows I've lost her," Christian muttered and sunk his head into hands. He could hear his brother talking sense but it just seemed like Ana would never love him as much as that earlier Christian.

"Listen," Elliot warned harshly, "The misery she has now can be changed and it can disappear but, had you die," Elliot shook his head, "I don't want to see that now. I've seen her lose you before and she cut us all out. She didn't think she had a place with us without you around. She didn't eat, sleep, nothing in the time you were missing and looking back, I remember when the news announced the man hunt for you was over and she was left all alone on the sidelines. I never want to have to see that as we all have the one we love most with us." Elliot watched Christian try to digest everything all at once, "She still has you," Elliot told Christian, "Do what's right and open your eyes to everything. It might open more of you than you realise."

"I just want to love her right," Christian almost made that sound like a desperate plea.

"You will," Elliot confirmed and then took his brother in his arms.

Falling against his brother he took a moment of weakness before he sat up and just self soothed himself. He didn't deserve comfort not when he had bullied and cussed a woman that had done nothing wrong except given him love.

"Hey," Grace called out as she walked up the corridor towards the three waiting in the waiting room. Everyone standing, Kate coming straight from her spot, Elliot and Christian's private moment gone, "Come with me," She told them and turned to go back towards Ana's room a little. She pointed into a room to where Ana was sleeping and turned to face them all, "I thought you might like to see her."

"Is she okay?" Kate asked, just wanting to bolt towards Ana's room and sit with her best friend. "You were gone ages, Grace."

"She's had a lot of tests done that's why. I didn't want to leave her," Grace commented and let her shoulders slump for a moment, "We found out what was wrong but, Ana needed multiple tests done to evaluate her current state of health. It's exhausted her."

"What's wrong with her?" Christian asked, immediately standing up to confront his mom for answers. "Is she going to be okay?"

Grace sighed, she knew the severity of this wouldn't at first be registered, "She has a severe UTI still but, she's also got kidney stones in her right kidney and from the sheer size of them alone I'd say she's been suffering with them for weeks. So right now, I can't predict what the outcome is going to be." The fear began to climb the walls around them and she knew she had to carry on. "We've just got to keep an eye on her that's all and with her electrolytes being well off so we're trying to get those to balance but, with her right kidney suffering right now she needs a little help with this. She'll feel better once those start to equal out. She's on an IV drip and the doctor gave her some morphine to help settle the pain. We need to get her hydrated again and working on the infections in her system."

"So what happens now?" Elliot asked, deciding to be the big brother. "Once her electrolytes balance is equal do we take her home?"

Shaking her head, Grace spoke solemnly, "It's not that easy. We need to try and break the stones down and get them to disperse enough for her to get them out of her system. She's on the medication to help with that but, we have to wait." Grace only saw the worry she was making everyone feel but there was no way of avoiding, "She might have to have surgery yet," Grace alerted them and she saw the worry begin to cover their expressions. "We're not passed that option just yet."

"Surgery?" Christian gasped, praying that Ana wouldn't need to go through that.

"Please tell me that's final point of call," Kate near enough begged, her eyes beginning to water, her gaze flicking between Ana's sleeping form and Grace.

"If her body doesn't break them up and absorb them or release them from her kidneys in her urine then surgery is the only way to make sure that Ana gets better." Grace gave a weak smile, "With today's technology, she'll be in and out with barely any scaring." She inhaled a positive breath and stood up straighter, "Ana would hate us for all moping around outside her hospital room. She's going to be fine in a couple of days. For now she just needs us all to keep her mood up."

"Mom's right," Elliot jumped in, "Let's go and wait for that little lady to wake up and we can look after her."

"Bully her more like," Kate commented as they began the short walk.

Christian didn't speak a word to no one. He just followed. As they walked down the corridor, Christian felt out of the moment. Everything felt surreal; he felt like he was plunged into water and the words became deformed and distorted.

"We need to get the others here," He just about heard Kate comment. "She'll go ballistic if we don't," She continued, her hand firmly fixed into Elliot's hand.

"We will, Baby," He then heard his brother speak and the nickname struck him hard.

As everyone took a place around Ana, Christian froze at the sight of her. This wasn't his place anymore. He didn't deserve to be with Ana when he had caused her so much stress and upset. She didn't want to divorce him and the inner masochist in her made her strong and for the most part resilient.

Now, seeing her reduced to her weakest, Christian was running scared.

He just didn't want to lose her in any way.


	17. Not Giving Up Easily

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_I think first of I need to send everyone a whole load of love for sticking up for in reviews and still supporting my story after some guest reviewer decided to 'trash' all over my work. To say it hurt is an understatement but, to those that stood up for me, THANK YOU! =) _

_Now enjoy... _

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Seventeen

* * *

"Oh God, Ana," Elena sparked up, her eyes watering as she came into the room. "What the hell happened?" She asked, her voice taut with concern as she took to Ana's side and was shocked at the state Ana now was in. She looked so much weaker than before, with dark circles under eyes and she suddenly looked gaunt and emaciated. It was like the bed was swallowing her whole and as if medical intervention was making her sicker.

"I collapsed at home and woke up here," Ana replied to Elena and tried to sound better than she was capable of but it seemed that her body was just on an increasing decline. "Christian apparently brought me in."

"Where the hell is he?" Elena all but hissed as she scanned the room. "I swear that bastard will pay for not being here."

Ana grabbed Elena's hand, "He doesn't have to be forced here." She could see the same fire burning in Elena's eyes that torched the entire of Kate's face but, Ana was in no mood for the fighting when she felt like her body was unable to hold on armour. "He's lost right now. I can't be there to try and help him and I don't want to be doing that from a hospital bed."

"You aren't giving up are you?" Elena asked as she perched herself on the edge of the bed, her attention solely on Ana.

"No," Ana shook her head, "I'm just tired."

"Do you blame her?" Kate jumped in suddenly, "She's had everything with Christian to deal with, work on top of that and now she's got this. I hate that it took you collapsing for you to see how severe this was, Ana. I hate that it took you so long to realise how ill you are."

"I know," Ana grumbled. She felt awful as it was and that was more guilt that illness and she didn't want to deal with more guilt tumbled onto her.

"Why wouldn't you just let Grace bring you in?" Elena questioned, trying to think of a hundred and one reasons why Ana wouldn't even anticipate how much better the hospital option was.

"We've gotten this out her already," Kate jumped in, still unhappy with Ana's excuse. "It's not a great one."

"Well entertain me," Elena spoke and turned to face Ana with a questioning stance. "What is it?"

"I didn't want to admit I was this ill," Ana admitted dryly and tried not to give Elena eye contact.

"_And_?" Elena pressed knowing that Ana wasn't done quite yet.

"It wasn't that bad. I just felt ill and the pain wasn't constant," Ana spoke and held her side as she pushed up a little and shifted to get comfortable. "I didn't know I was this ill with stupid kidney stones."

"Not really stupid when you were told there's already damage to your kidney," Elliot jumped in, taking a stand and going to the end of Ana's bed. "Next time you're ill, I'm not even listening to you. I'm going to drag you here and not let them discharge you until they've ran every test possible."

"Great," Ana mused unhappily at the thought. "Let's just realise I didn't think I would be this ill."

"None of us did," Grace commented as she came in and gave them all a smile. "How you feeling now, Sweetie?"

Ana gave a grin, "Worse," she muttered sarcastically. There was no point in lying now was there? She had to admit that since that argument she felt like everything was getting far too much. And all she could think about was what Christian had been saying to her. She didn't know why but, she couldn't understand him and she wanted to. She wanted to have him here with her holding her hand because admittedly she was terrified.

"I'm not surprised with how sick we let you get. I swear to God, I will never listen to your hard headedness," Grace scolded and felt her voice going tight as she thought about it. "You're losing every right."

"You sound like Elliot," Ana pointed out wryly and gave a sarcastically deprecating smirk at her brother in-law. "I feel like my freedom is being stolen from me."

"Oh it is," Elliot quipped and grinned widely, tossing a wink at Ana who rolled her eyes.

"Grace, what's going on with Ana now?" Elena asked, wanting nothing more than to be back at Escala like they were this morning.

Beginning to shake her head, Grace looked to Ana with a face full of seriousness, "Ana's there's no change in the stones size only that they've moved and are causing an obstruction in your urinary tract. They are just too large for us to wait and use any of the options we laid out before us. It's too late. There's only one other option now," Grace went to speak but Ana spoke over her.

"Surgery?" Ana asked and swallowed her fear as Kate grabbed her hand as Grace nodded.

"I was so hoping it wouldn't get to this, Ana but, I can assure you that you will be in minimal pain and most probably be out of here in a few days if all is well at the end of this," Grace replied, quite grateful for her medical knowledge so she knew the risks and complications that were at the end of this procedure. "I think your doctor's thinking about performing a less invasive procedure that will leave you with a tiny incision mark on your back. You'll still be stuck in here a few days but, your pain should be gone immediately."

"Whatever, I just want to be home," Ana told Grace honestly, not telling them her fears. One of her fears was because of her husband finally cheating on her and the other revolving around the prospect of surgery. It always seemed to bring on a darker dawn.

Ana gulped, she had to do this without Christian.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Christian sat on the floor looking at a life that he had no memory of. He was happy in the snap shots of life. He was completely and whole heartedly devoted to Ana, his wife and what looked to be his best friend.

This was a form of torture in itself.

He wanted to give so much to be that man and feel what was frozen and immortalised and he couldn't for the life of him drum up one ounce of emotion that remotely linked in with the happy people living in a world gone past.

"I just spoke with Grace," Was all he said to get Christian's attention and he saw the man look up, his body rigid with need to know. "It seems that Ana needs surgery now. She's getting worse and the medication made no changes and the delay only made it less optional to opt for the modern way of breaking the stones down. Apparently she should be home in a few days after monitoring for any complications."

"That easy?" Christian asked shocked, "And so soon after?"

"She's having less invasive surgery according to your mother so she won't be opened up," Taylor relayed the information he was given. "I guess it's a silver lining to what's wrong with Ana." Taylor noticed Christian's look grow ever more solemn, there was no CEO or monster here. He wasn't laying in wait. "Want to talk about whatever's on your mind?"

Christian thought about it for a moment, "I keep remembering having sex with Ana the other night. I told her it was a mistake. It wasn't," Christian mumbled softly and lifted his eyes up. "For the first time I felt like a woman really needed me in bed, that she really wanted me and that it wasn't just a hard fuck and that was it."

"Oh believe me, she really wanted you. God, you two should have burnt out years ago but, you're still going strong," Taylor quipped with a light chuckle lining his tone "The amount of times you two have been caught in the past is scary. I just wish you remembered them and were still embarrassed."

"Elena's birthday," Christian muttered under his breath and placed a hand onto his head. "You caught us, didn't you?" He saw Taylor nod and another sharp pain bolted through Christian's head and ignited a new memory. "Christmas," he murmured softly.

"_Are you sure about?_"

"_As sure as I was about coming back to you_," Ana's sweet, delicate tone talked back at him and even though Christian was well aware of Taylor's presence and of the fact this wasn't real, he wanted to revel in the moment. He knew that grin she was giving him, that look of want, he knew it! "_I'm sorry the cast isn't sexy_."

He looked down at her arm and remembered the scar her arm harboured. The sketched in damage from Stephen breaking her arm! God, Christian felt alive with remembrance. And without meaning to his lips began to speak for him, "_Looking at the rest of you, I really don't give a fuck_."

"_Give a fuck_," Ana murmured seductively at him, finding that nothing stopped him wanting her. "_Give a fuck to me_," She continued and saw his eyes lighten up. Christian felt the throb in his body. He felt a need for a woman's body for more than anything else.

The moment his hands touched her he was shocked back to the room he was in. It was the same place but Ana wasn't here, Taylor was. There was stillness in the dead like something had died and he didn't understand how much electricity he felt as a result of Ana.

She was his livewire and he had treated her as if she was something that needed scraping off of the bottom of his shoe.

He now felt the fever pitch she set upon him and he felt his chest cease at the thought of her. He never wanted to hit her or command her because for once he was given something more divine. Something lifelong. Something he needed to survive.

"Do you remember?" Taylor broke into the moment. He had been trying to get Christian's attention but it only seemed like he was now getting it.

"I don't remember it all, I just remember the first time me and Ana had sex after she came back," His face scrunched up as he tried remember more but it was all a haze. The most prominent thing he remember was her cast on one arm and a red bow on the other. Another bolt of memory shone through and he felt overwhelmed, "I think it was Christmas."

Taylor grinned, "You got caught by everyone turning up that day."

"No one's told me that, Jason. No one's told that!" Christian was almost a buzz of excitement at the claim. The thought made him feel like a weight lifted. He felt like there was a way to be the man everyone loved him being. He wanted to be the Christian he envied.

"That's good. It's a start," Taylor could see this was a breakthrough; this was the start of getting life back.

"Jason?" Christian asked up, finding it wrong to call him Taylor all of a sudden. "I don't remember a lot but it's weird since bringing Leila back here I don't have the urge to gain control over a woman. My urge is barely there and that's scaring me. Jason, I don't understand a thing I'm feeling and I'm terrified."

"Don't be," Jason told his friend, "Go with it because once you've experienced that you'll understand what is it that made you love Ana." Taylor stood up then, his pains still causing him havoc, "Want to come with me to the hospital?"

"I want to stay here a little while more," Christian replied and looked at the photos. He had seen Ana already in that hospital bed, swallowed by the seriousness of the situation and Christian wondered if he could be what she needed right now.

He didn't even know if he could be what he needed for himself right now.

"I'll wait a little while," Taylor commented and watched as Christian began to thumb through a wad of the photos, inspecting them, trying to track them on a timeline that didn't quite exist right now. He left and knew Christian was slowly finding his way back to them.

Feeling an even sharper pain in his head, Christian just gave up for the moment and curled up with the photos of his happier life a reach away.


	18. Of Men and Love

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_I wasn't going to update again tonight but, plans changed and here we are! Thank you, thank you and thank you! Enjoy and, oh yeah, thank you =) _

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Eighteen

* * *

When Ana opened her eyes again she saw Grace sitting by her bedside. She closed her eyes exhaustedly and coughed against her dry throat, feeling discomfort explode into her side. Immediately she felt a hand join hers and she forced her eyes open again.

"Hey Sweetie," Grace spoke over the bleeping of Ana's heart monitor. She was willing Ana to open her eyes and look at her. She wanted Ana to look at her so she knew everything was going to be okay.

Coughing again, Ana winced, "Why am I in so much pain?" Ana asked Grace the moment she had found her voice. "I was told I wouldn't be in pain."

"I know, Sweetheart," Grace soothed her daughter in-law. "There was a complication and they had to open you up," She tried to offer a smile as if to say it wasn't as bad as it was. "They had to remove part of your kidney that was damaged from the stones."

Ana nodded, not really taking it all in but, she felt like something was missing from her and her eyes glazed with tears, "Is Christian around, Grace? I thought he would be here."

"Oh, Ana," Grace started, not sure what to do right now.

"I want Christian," Ana began to cry weakly, her heart rate beginning to gallop. "I just want my husband." She looked up to her mother in-law feeling lost, "He should be here. He was last time I was in hospital."

"He's gone out for some air," Grace quickly covered for Christian's absence, "He will be back soon, I promise but, I think you need to rest, Ana. Your body's gone through a lot."

Grace released a breath she was holding when Ana's drug addled brain. She bowed her head and steadied herself against Ana's hospital bed. She was exhausted from weeks of turmoil like that. She wanted life to resume and have Christian being the worried husband that refused to move from his wife side and who lit up the moment he even sensed his wife. She wanted Ana to have that light in her eyes and to hear her giggle as if there were no cares in the word.

God, she even wanted to catch them at it!

Leaving the room, Grace reached into her white doctor's coat pocket and pulled her phone out. Walking down the corridor a little she ran her son and heard him answer in a defeated tone, "I need you to get here."

"Why?" Christian asked back, knowing his responsibility wasn't just to call in once or twice and wait on the news.

"Because the surgery was a lot more complicated than they thought. Christian, there was a lot of damage and when Ana came to she was asking for you. At the time it wasn't so bad because she ended up sleeping straight away. She couldn't fight to get you here but, she really needs you now. She just started crying because you aren't here," Grace told him, hoping this was affecting him and he wasn't going to go off the handle at her. "So I need you to get here now."

"Why me?" Christian asked back in a snappy retort.

Grace felt her own anger exceed her ability to hold down, "Because she's your wife! Now man the fuck up and just give her a bit of peace. She is really ill, Christian and I wish my old son was here because then Ana would be feeling better already but, you're not him. I don't know you but, I know you care for her. Or you would have cast her out and not batted an eyelid the first day you got home."

"Why do I feel like I am being ganged up on?" Christian asked the simple question and felt like he had to fight to get out of this.

"Because you are being ganged up on and I will continue to do so in order for you to stop making stupid decisions like not being here!" Grace replied honestly, "I know you're lost but, you need to think about the bigger picture here. Ana is our priority right now, Christian. That makes her yours as well."

"I'm on my way," Christian told her back and closed the call off.

Grace turned back to face Ana's room and sighed. She would do anything to get life back to normal.

And that was what she was going to do.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Christian rushed out of the elevator, the slow climb still wreaking havoc on his pounding head. He went to the nurses desk, ready to demand answers but, was stopped when he saw his mother standing with Elliot and Mia.

"Where is she?" Christian asked, his own voice exacerbating his headache. "Is she okay?"

"She's resting," Grace replied back and gave a smile. "She's confused and wanted you here. I lied and said you were getting some air and I got her to sleep. Do you think you can just be there for her?"

Christian nodded his head, running his hand over his head, "Where is everyone? I would have thought they would be here for Ana."

"We are here for Ana," Elliot reminded her sharply.

Grace placed a hand on Elliot's shoulder to calm him down, "Elena and Kate went with Ethan and your father to get something to eat for everyone and Carla and Ray are down with Ana. It's good you finally made it."

"Okay," Christian commented back and lifted his left hand up to graze through his hair. He had to gather the nerve to go to Ana. He also had to tell his mother about the intensity of the headaches he was getting.

"Hang on. Are you wearing your wedding ring?" Mia asked as she noticed the light catch gold and her eyes had to wander after it. She didn't want to get excited over this but, surely him wearing his ring was sign?

Christian looked down at his hand and smiled at the banded finger. A part of him had kept the ring on him since he found it. He didn't know when it got there but, Ana had left it on the main dresser in their bedroom and he had felt drawn to it. If not scared shitless of it! Now, however, feeling the fever of Ana's love on him, he was compelled to wear it and it suddenly felt like a part of him had been restored. He had no idea what was going on with him and he was terrified of that along with the magnitude of love he had obviously learnt to give and take.

"Yeah," Christian replied in a quiet tone as he gazed at his hand.

"So is this some sick trick?" Elliot asked, knowing how Ana would respond to seeing Christian with his wedding ring back on.

"No," Christian replied back with conviction.

"It better not be. You were at home deciding what to do to Ana next whilst we were sat here whilst she was in surgery. Sure, that sounds right," Elliot allowed his tiredness and worry for Ana get the better of him.

"Elliot," Grace ground out, letting off a warning shot for him to calm down.

"What?" He asked and turned to Christian for the attack, "Well you weren't here!" Elliot exclaimed, his nerves with his brother thinning.

"I wasn't exactly sitting at home watching fucking television!" Christian boomed, his voice erupting from his chest. "I was at home trying to be the man she wants! That's what I was deciding to do with Ana! Give her the me she wants," He saw them gasp, his mother visibly taken back, "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"We can sort it later, but for now, she needs you," Grace spoke back and drew Christian more into the corridor, "She's in the ICU down there. Carla didn't want to leave so I've managed to get the nurses to allow one person. Go and swap down there with her for a moment."

"Okay," Christian said and went to walk off when Grace grabbed his hand. He needed to heed this warning. "Don't upset her. She is suffering from the anaesthesia. She's confused and thinking irrationally okay?" Grace warned and he nodded at her, "So just go and be Christian for her."

Christian said nothing and disappeared.

"I'm really worried about him," Mia commented as her mother's arms wrapped around her and she soothingly rubbed her arms. "He's acting even weirder than before."

"Mom, she's right," Elliot stepped in as Christian disappeared, "I think he needs help."

"Don't worry, once he's seen Ana and she's settled I'm going to take him to see a specialist," Grace sighed hating to think that something terrible could be going on with another of her children. Ana was enough right now. "I've been speaking to a neurologist and I think Christian's at a stage now to cooperate."

When Christian was out of the sight of his family he found himself looking at Carla and Ray. He edged into the room nervously and got a welcoming smile from Carla who excused herself to allow him time with Ana. He was grateful they didn't hate him enough to cast him from the room.

When he was alone, Christian looked to Ana and felt the nerves spark to life. She was worse than he could ever have imagined. Swamped by wires and tubing, machines buzzing around her, IVs pushed into her skin.

And all he found himself thinking was what the other Christian would do.

He stood, watching and it seemed his presence caused her to open her eyes and look at him. He took that as a sign to move forward and he took in her sleepy blue eyes and found himself unable to look away, "Hey."

"Hey," Ana grinned back at him and gulped deeply. "You know," Ana started to say and gulped dryly against her sore throat, her eyes straining to look to Christian's, "I'm really glad we didn't get pregnant like we wanted to." She closed her eyes as the tears began to fall, "I would hate for you to hate our child as much as you hate me."

Christian felt that comment stab his heart from all possible angle. Each new stab releasing a piece of his soul as he allowed them to pressed their blades into his already tainted heart. They had really planned a family? Had nearly gotten their chance? God, his life to Ana was beyond anything he could have dreamt.

Ana shifted a little and groaned out in pain before continuing, "And if you want to divorce me so much, I'll sign the papers and I'll move out as soon as I can. I won't even try for half and half," Ana told him, ignoring her own tears as she admitted the sad fate that she was being dealt.

And something shoved those sharpened blades further into his heart.

"You shouldn't be making rash decisions right now," Christian told Ana and for the first time in weeks, he took her hand in his and gripped it supportively. "It's not clever to do so."

"But it'll stop this hell," Ana whispered as exhaustion began to wrap its delicate arms around her and pull her into the darkness. "It'll make you happy. That's all I want, Christian."

Christian knew he should have felt liberated by the words she had just whispered but, he wasn't. He was satisfied with her finally giving in after she put up such a fierce fight and he wasn't prepared to let a woman go who fought against his every single fifty shade in the hope that he would resurface as the man she fell in love with.

He pulled the chair close to Ana's hospital bed and he sunk his head in remorse. Here she was, this beautiful woman whose heart exceeded a measurable size. This woman was his wife and he was not the husband someone deserved. Ana deserved better than him, than waiting on the old Christian to revive back into this body.

His wife had been in hospital in excruciating pain and he hadn't been there to hold her hand. He hadn't been the support and strength she needed and he was the one that was forced to come here by his own mother. If she hadn't intervened, Ana would have still been here suffering on her own.

Wearing his wedding ring or looking at a few photos didn't make him the Christian she really loved and adored. He still wasn't that man. He was a man with a yearn inside and few spacey memories of life with Ana and most were from the last few weeks when he had targeted her with pure venom.

He was truly the monster in all of this.

Slipping the ring off, Christian knew that wouldn't cure him.


	19. Hesitancy of Truths

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_I know my updates have slacked from spoiling you guys but it turned into a God awful day and I nearly just gave in... But here, you go! Update for you, bedtime for me I think ;)_

_Enjoy and thank you!_

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Nineteen

* * *

Christian had refused to move from the room. He had been along for hours but before that, Carla had found him crying in his seat, his hand captured in Ana's and she had swooped in and hugged him tight and he had realised one thing – the touch of another didn't repulse him. He was lost as though he had been taken and set loose from his capturers and told to find his way back home.

Except the way was only flooded with thick, unrelenting mud that he had to trudge through in order to get to his destination.

His goal was now Ana and wanted to feel what he had when they had sex the other night. The wholeness he felt was something he couldn't quite comprehend but, he was now driven to go for it, to want it, to nurture it.

However it seemed the tables had been changed. She was giving him the divorce he wanted. Except now he didn't want it, he wanted to give this ago and learn what love was because he hated who he was. Christian had always had a warped sense of self and when Ana thrust her loving nature upon him he ran scared but, now he was sat here because he wanted to be.

There was a greater force keeping him here than there was driving him away.

"She'll be moved soon," Grace cut the moment with her words, making Christian look up at her. "She's got a room waiting in the private wing as per your orders on the hospital whenever one of us are admitted."

"Money speaking again," Ana groaned as she woke up and spoke dryly and sarcastically. Immediately as she balled her fist up and tried to push herself up a little before realising she was much too weak for that and gave up.

"Hey you," Grace spoke in a delicate tone, "You thirsty?" She asked and Ana nodded, her eyes closed momentarily as she tried to come back to earth without a reverberating thud. Grace waited until her eyes were open before bringing a cup to her lips.

Swallowing the coolness, Ana looked to Christian, "Why are you here?" She didn't want an argument but, his words still cut her apart every time she thought about them. "You should be having some sub party back in our bed seeing as I'm trapped here."

"Anastasia," He hissed at the thought. "That's not what I want."

"It is though," Ana thought back and felt the agitation fire up in her stomach, immediately colliding with her side and making her wince. "Or did I imagine Leila the other night?" Ana looked to him and could literally feel Grace's burning gaze from one side of the bed at Christian. "Seriously, Christian, you don't have to be here. I might be your wife but, I know I'm not priority in your eyes. Our marriage is futile to you."

"You're not a priority?" He asked her, his tone biting and bitter, "You collapsed in front of me and I have never been more terrified. I have a life with you somewhere within me and I am trying to fight to get it back. Please don't stop me doing that."

Looking to Grace, Ana could see this was more than a sincere moment and out of habit, reached and grabbed Christian's hand in hers only speaking when he laced his fingers with hers. Her Christian was fighting strong. "Okay."

"I will spend a lifetime making up for this," Christian told her honestly and felt a tear reluctantly pull at his lashes before falling. "I deserve to pay for what I've put you through."

"I was going to make sure you did," Ana joked tiredly and felt her eyes getting heavy. She tried to fight it, scared she was going to go to sleep and wake up to a monster all over again. Could she cope with that? She didn't know.

"Go with it," Grace cooed, running her hand over Ana's head and waited for her breathing to even out with her slumber. Her eyes shot to Christian, "You almost slept with another woman?"

"It was a mistake," Christian backed up, his eyes watering at the memory. "I thought I needed that control but, I didn't. I will pay for that for the rest of my life, Mom, but I will make it right. I need to," He dropped his gaze onto Ana and felt his breathing race. And suddenly Christian put his head into his hands and felt the need to scream. "_I _want to be right."

"I think you need to get seen to," Grace stepped in and pulled him from the room. She felt his resistance but, she was taking charge, "We need to see what's going on with you, Christian. You are too off and on right now and I don't want Ana exposed to that until she is a bit better." She looked at him, "I have a neurologist here to check you over."

"No," Christian replied back, snapping shut the lid on that idea.

"Do you want to get better or not?" Grace asked and stood up straighter, "Do you want to be stuck like this?" She could see Christian's face soften with acknowledgment, "Sweetheart, I wouldn't do this if I didn't have your best intentions at heart. I want you better. I want to see you less lost because right now that's what you are isn't it?" She asked as his eyes met her, "Lost?"

"Yeah," Christian admitted.

"Then have faith in me," Grace asked of him simply.

And that was when the realisation dawned. All of this was a moment of a faith, a testimony of that.

Christian took a look over his shoulder as a nurse went into Ana's room and began to check her vitals and he put his faith into his mother's hand and allowed her to lead him away from Ana's room. He was lost, more than a little lost and he wanted to find his way home.

However, after meeting the doctor and finding himself faced with yet another CT scan, Christian rejected the notion. He was terrified to be trapped in that when he was already trapped n this life. "I'm not getting in that," Christian resisted, the situation becoming real suddenly.

"Do you want to get better or not?" Grace asked her son, not willing to let him leave this floor of the hospital until he had a scan done and doctor had checked him over. "Do you want to get better or not for Ana?" Grace asked again, not fussing him or caring right now. She wanted answers and Christian needed tough love.

"I do," Christian replied in an almost silent manner.

Grace took his hand, "Then let the doctor help you, Christian."

He nodded and let them do what they needed and didn't resist. He remained silent as they left him alone and he was staring up as he was slowly moved into the machine. It felt familiar and not for the reason he had had a scan done after taking the last hit that sent his memories flying.

Lying still, Christian felt his agitation begin to rival him strongly and he felt his breathing begin to race. He had a continual headache and the noise of the CT machine was not soothing him in the slightest. He wanted to head back to Ana and ask her for help. He needed her and the feeling was overwhelming.

He had no memories of her and yet he was more than needing of her.

"Christian," His mother's voice burst into the tunnel, "I'm right here, and I need you to calm down. Think of Ana. You will be back with her soon. I can promise you that."

Taking a deep breath, Christian closed his eyes and shut out the world. He thought about the memories of Ana had he – her standing at the end of his hospital bed was so vividly strong it was overpowering and suddenly the imagined changed to Ana on her knees in the middle of street. Everything was silent as he was focused on the sight of her on the floor and suddenly he remembered her falling and landing at his feet in his office doorway. With her apologises spoken and her attitude to her, he realised this was their first meeting and he remembered the interview she had carried out.

Christian's eyes flew open as he was moving and found himself in the openness of the room again. It had imagined his way through and immediately sat up, ready to bolt. Except his mother stopped him again.

"We need to see what the scans say," Grace told him and tried to assert enough authority to make him realise that he had to see what the scans showed.

"Ana, I remember meeting her, mom. I need to go to her," Christian's pace was hasty and his eyes were wide with looking for his quickest escape. "I don't need someone to tell me I'm irreparable, mom. I know there is something wrong and I don't need to be told I will never be right again."

"We'll get you to her," Grace spoke calmly. "For now you need this, Christian. Good news or bad."

"I need Ana," Christian put his hands on his head. He was disconcerted for himself but overwhelmed with his need to get to Ana.

The doctor came over, "Well then let's go and see what your scans say and we can get you back to Ana." He gave a smile and directed the way to a doctor's office where he put Christian's scans up and stood for a moment observing them.

Grace got up to look, "Is there anything evidently wrong?"

"There's some swelling there," The doctor pointed to a place on the scan. "It's not a lot but, it looks like the swelling has slowly been reducing. From the old scans there's no way to say when it started seeing as Christian's were entirely clear. With any blunt force trauma we can never be sure what's going to happen. I mean the acceleration of the brain after the hit was enormous from external examination but, at the time, there was no real brain injury. It seems, Christian, you had a worse traumatic brain injury than we first assumed."

"Well I could have told you that with the headaches I've been getting," Christian mocked, eyes on the door.

The doctor shook his head, "No, I think those are more to be with post-concussion syndrome. You've had it before and sufferers usually have symptoms of it for years. I think you lapsed. What's your attitude been like?"

"Awful, but I think that's more me reverting back to a different me," Christian grumbled as he sat down as if he were a punished child.

"It's not abnormal with head injuries to see mood swing, behavioural changes, personality swaps. It's just the brain coping with the trauma and from the scans there was visibly some swelling that didn't appear in your first and last scan. It's minimal now and almost completely reduced so we do not have that to worry about." The doctor surveyed Christian for a moment or two, "You might find that you begin to settle more and feel less confused and agitated. I'm not going to tell you this is going to fix all problems but you may find your memory comes back. If not completely, from what you've said it's definitely plausible to come back in pieces."

"I remembered everything the other night though," Christian mentioned, remembering how he felt for Ana. "I had sex with my wife instead of hating her and then I was back loathing her. How the fuck does that happen? How do I go from remembering to not remembering?"

"I'd say that's unlikely to happen. Amnesiacs do not simply remember and then decline back like that. If you've been told information about you relationship with Ana by multiple people then you're mind would work those to make you think you had working memories," the doctor spoke with professionalism and could see Christian trying to keep up. "You simply were living the moment of what everyone has told you only for your mind to scare you of it once you took it."

"So I didn't remember?" Christian asked, his tone sinking into a lost boy's whisper as if he had been told Santa wasn't real and the idealism was burst.

The doctor shook his head, "Highly unlikely in my professional opinion."

Grace could see that Christian lost all attention at that point and took over to listening for him. She was going to take him back to Ana's room and get him settled. He needed to rest and with her own shift coming up; Grace wanted him to be here so that she could keep an eye on her son and daughter in-law.

When he got him sat down in Ana's room, she went to tell the family what was happening and she was glad Carrick was there to wrap his arms around her because she needed the comfort. She needed him right now and he was here.

Relinquishing the hold of her husband, she gave everyone a run down on both Ana and Christian and urged them all to go home. Ana wasn't going to be awake properly until the next day and they needed to rest as much as she did. Getting everyone to listen, she went back to do her own last check and found them both sound asleep.

What else could she do? There wasn't anything so she left the pair and decided she could come up during her shift she was sure of that.

Hopefully finding them same situation.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Christian shot awake in a cold sweat. His nightmare was after him even when he was awake. His heart rate told him that and to make matters worse, this one was different to the others that scarred his dreams.

He had seen a tombstone, words chiselled into the marble in grand, bold lettering saying "_Here lies Christian Trevelyan - Grey. Beloved son, brother and fiancé_." He had read on as his eyes slid to the right of the stone to lie on a body slumped against it. Next to the stone was a battered and beaten Ana and Christian felt ignited with hatred and anger.

He remembered that sight all too well.

If Stephen Davis wasn't already dead, Christian would've killed him now.

And suddenly Christian remembered seeing Ana for the first time at his parents after coming back from the dead and then his memory jumped. Shaking his head to focus he remembered her scrubbing the floor of blood and he felt worried about what had got them to this spot. He felt like his head was going to explode when he remembered the influx of moments that surrounded those memories.

If this was his memory coming back then he was going to be near death at this rate when they were all back.

Grace back into the room, unable to stay away from the pair for long, at that moment to see Christian shakily get up from his seat. "Christian?" She called out as he looked dazed and as if he was about to collapse.

"Help," He begged her just before his headache got too much and he collapsed to his knees.

The blood dripping from his nose only to splatter against the linoleum floor beneath him.


	20. Slow and Steady

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_I seem to be lacking with update times =P Blame life! Now enjoy and THANK YOU =) _

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Twenty

* * *

Grace had gotten Christian up off of the floor and asked a nurse to grab something to help with his headache. She had sat him and just like it started, his nose bleed stopped. Now Christian had told him mother about the tombstone and Grace had admitted to the funeral and everything and Christian remembered everything after waking up in the helicopter. He remembered the hospital and not knowing his own name and then he remembered the nurse that triggered it all and the thought of Ana burst across him like a sun bursting kiss.

And as his headache finally became a dull ache he caught Ana staring at him and it worried him. Ana was agitated. She had awoken to see Christian being helped by his mother as his nose literally ran with blood and even though he was fine, she wasn't sure.

He pushed his mother away and told her to go Ana's aid, he was fine, he didn't need more help.

Grace only went knowing that the nose bleeds and headaches were linked and from his expression, it seemed they were linked to his memories. She was going to leave the pair and go and see the neurologist for a second opinion and give careful observation on her son.

"Ana, you need to lie back down," Grace placed her hands to Ana's shoulders and tried to get her to lie down.

"He needs me," Ana pointed to Christian and struggled to get up. "Christian," She breathed as pain ripped through, "He needs me."

"Ana," Grace's tone tightened, almost sharpening. "You had surgery only hours ago. This is advisable in your state so will you please lie down and allow Christian to get cleaned up and you to rest."

Christian could see Ana's ability to fight back a losing feat and stepped in. He wanted her better, definitely not worse. "Ana, I'm fine," He put his hand up, one covering his nose and mouth to hold the blood and he saw her eyes water – without meaning to he had called her Ana and not Anastasia. "I just need for you to lay back down. It's a nose bleed."

"And a headache," Ana pointed out, knowing how to read her husband like an open book. She pushed herself up a little more," I know how to read you, Christian. I can always tell when something isn't quite right."

Grace, taking a stand, stepped in, "Ana, you need to lay back down," Grace repeated her previous order. "You ended up having major surgery and now you need to rest to recover. I swear to God if you don't listen I will inject your IV."

Giving up with a giggle, Ana gave in and fell back to her pillows and then looked to Christian who was staring at her as if a ghostly apparition was sitting on her bed with her. "What?" She asked warily, waiting for the fall out to begin and him to attack. "What's wrong?"

"I love that noise," He commented weakly and shook his head. "I do love that noise. It's one of my favourite sounds," He stepped closer to her when she nodded at him and he just had to feel her close to him. "That is a heavenly sound, Ana."

"So is hearing you call me Ana," She quipped back and moved a hand to her side. "How much damage is done, Grace?" She pressed on, not wanting to delve too much into a part of her life that seemed to curse her with a lot more pain.

Ana was terrified to give herself to him. If she did and he snapped back faster than a rubber band then she would be left alone in the middle of an apocalyptic fallout. As much as she wanted to believe that Christian was shining through, and she fully believed he was, she couldn't just give her all to lose it all.

She couldn't put faith in the fact that he was here to stay when they had way to prove that all not. She could believe it and love him but, right now, she would leave with the fear of waiting on him to be revolted by the mere thought of her love. She hated the fact but, she had to shield her heart from her own husband.

The one man that loved it most.

Grace slowly lowered to the bed when she noticed Christian's nose bleed was officially over and he seemed more settled than he had in weeks. "There was more stones than we saw on the scans. One had lodged in your ureter and was causing such pressure you weren't far from a ruptured. The doctor had to remove only a small part of the kidney when he took the stones but, the recovery is extended dramatically. We won't know what damage your ureter there is until we get you up and going to the pee on your own again. The catheter has to stay in for a few days or until you stop passing blood so that means no moving around on your own, got it?"

"Got it," Ana mentioned with a smirk and the moved a little to reveal the tube coming from her side and clumsily moved the sheet on her. "So that's for?"

"Draining blood and fluid if necessary," Grace pointed out as simply as possible. "That'll be removed as well when there's no blood. Right now, there's quite a bit which is expected so soon after surgery."

"Great, I'm tied to this bed," Ana mumbled nonchalantly, feeling prisoner.

Christian chuckled, "You usually like that," He mumbled and from the look of mixed horror and amusement on Ana's face he had said the right thing. He had no idea why he wanted to say it but he was compelled to and in his mind ticked another memory. He remembered having her tied and easy to his sexual attacks.

This time that glorious memory ignited across his brain without any nosebleeds or an exacerbated headache.

"Did you just remember something?" Ana asked, even she couldn't hide back the hope that wanted to dance in her tone.

Christian nodded vigorously, "I think so."

"Right I'm going to leave you to speak because I need to get back to work," Grace sighed with a lack of enthusiasm looking to the black strapped watch on her wrist. She wanted them to talk but, she wanted them both to rest. "Christian, are you going to go home tonight or staying here?"

Christian looked up wide eyed at his mom, and then to Ana and he just spoke what his heart wanted more, "I'm staying. I have nowhere else I would rather be."

Giving a bright smile, Grace looked to Ana and knew there was a shining light at the end of this for sure. "Get so sleep please, Ana."

"I will do," Ana whispered back accepting a kiss and seeing Grace leave. She did close her eyes and then hated the piercing silence that clawed at the walls. So she slowly moved her head and looked to Christian who had seemingly fallen into his own heedlessly dangerous thoughts. She hated that there he was, her mercurial man, looking so damaged and confused by the life sitting around him. "Hey," She called out and saw him look over and she could only see sadness in his arms. The monster, the evil Christian wasn't home at the moment. "You can go home you know?"

"You'd like that wouldn't you? I mean, you gave me the chance to divorce you now and leave me so why would you want me here,"

"What?" Ana asked confused and had to press for more, "What are you going on about, Christian?"

Standing up to full height, he began to pace, "Do you really want to grant me a divorce?" Christian asked and he noticed the same look of terror colour her eyes and expression. "When I came into you after the surgery, you told me you you'd give me a divorce to stop this hell." Christian closed his eyes against the pain that began to well with tears in his eyes, "I am so sorry I brought that upon you, Ana. I hate that I made you feel like that. I hate myself for letting you go and being so reckless with the love you were offering me."

Ana racked her brain to the point she began to feel sick like she had since the surgery. She had given him the walk way for a divorce? Oh God, no. Her stomach bottom completely and she felt the blood rush from her face. She didn't want a divorce and now she had given him the perfect opportunity to go ahead and divorce her and their life they had together.

But as Christian spoke up, Ana was more shocked by what else fell from the luscious lips of her husband. She was so shocked she found herself staring intently, trying to keep up.

"Living without you now, Ana, would make me the unhappiest man ever," Christian admitted to her and just felt himself crash and burn right in front of her at the idea of them both losing the fight. He looked at her, his eyes tracing over her as he waited for an explanation but, all he received was a look of confusion and absolute silence.

Ana didn't know what to say as her mind buzzed with the act of trying to find some memory recollection.

"Please speak," Christian begged in a desperate manner, his eyes morphing to beg her to do so.

"I'm sorry," She finally spoke up and saw that Christian took that the wrong back, she raised her hand up to her head, the IV line still stuck to it and she rubbed her forehead to push away the headache she was working up. "I'm actually going to admit that memory loss is amazing right now, because Christian, I barely remember waking up, the only thing I remember is opening my eyes and you were here like I had hope and prayed for. I don't want a divorce. I never did and I never will. I just want my life with you. That's what I wanted all along. I wouldn't want you here

"But you said," Christian spoke up and remembered his mother's own words. _She is suffering from the anaesthesia. She's confused and thinking irrationally okay?_ Christian saw a glimmer of hope because Ana, with a clearer mind, obviously didn't mean it. Or well not all of it, he chided him. "So you don't want a divorce?" He asked and she shook her head slightly. "Or to give up?" Again she shook her head at him. "But you'd do anything to make me happy?" He asked and saw her give a little smile and nod her head as an affirmative. He took a deep breath as he filled her in on her own memory loss, "What about being glad we didn't have a baby like we had planned?"

Ana's heart thudded harder, even the heart monitor proving her inner most physical workings. "That," She bit her lip, "That is true. I would have hated if we had a family and you were to have subjected them to what you did me. Hating me is one thing but, I wouldn't have tolerated you hating them too."

"I'm sorry for that. I understand that the old Christian loved you enough to give a family but, I can't right now. I'm too fucked up, Ana. I'm not ready to share you quite yet." He watched as Ana began to bite down on her lip as he said that and he knew she was seeing a Christian she knew but, he couldn't think. He couldn't focus right now and he knew he had felt what he was right now. "Can you stop biting your lip please?" He asked in a tone heightened by agitation, "I can't handle it. It makes you alluring when you do that. Like you're my siren," He spoke as if he were an insane man trying to find sanity.

"I used to be," Ana admitted remembering how for years he said she called to him – Mind, body and soul. She prayed that this wasn't just a momentary glimpse of the man she loved most.

Putting his hands to his head, Christian had to admit everything he was feeling. Ana had to finally know. "I remember you giving me you for Christmas," Christian spoke softly as he decided to just be confrontational to his emotions and not his wife. "I know I love you. I do. I know that now, Ana." He put his hands to his head and just watched her as she watched him and he stood up and paced. "I'm scared I did too much damage. I'm scared that everything I'm feeling is short lived because you will never be able to trust me again. You'll never want a chance with him," He came to stop by her bed, his chest heaving with the fear that was running rabid and wild through his veins like a disease capturing red blood cells. "You were right, I am a monster and monsters don't deserve to be loved by someone like you."

Ana reached for his hands to quieten him for a moment, "I loved you and your monstrous fifty shade sides once, Mr. Grey. I think you find I have a lot more love to give so I can do it again."

"You would do that?" Christian asked fearfully, his eyes searching the blue orbs staring at him. His soul taking surrender under their full power and he would willingly give up and let a white flag fly to have her love him.

"I would easily walk to the ends of the earth for you, Christian. Haven't you seen I would easily put myself through whatever you said or did and still say I love you at the end of it?" She asked him and gave a small smile, "I love you enough to wait."

Christian felt like a weight was finally lifted from him. The weight that had been pressed onto him when he came to after the assault and the same one that had been carried around since that life changing day.

"Can we start again?" Christian asked, "Can you give me the chance to make a life with you? I want to try. I know I can. I know I can get better," He begged desperately to her, ready to drop to his knees if necessary.

Feeling her heart soar, Ana knew she had to create a boundary. She couldn't jump into the deep end both feet first. She had to take this slow, especially with her in the hospital. "Christian, I want to be with you but, I can't jump back in. We did that the other night and I woke up to find you gone. I just need to protect myself a little until we're both together because right now I can't have you and lose you for a fifth time."

He just nodded. He gulped his understanding and knew he had to stick this out like she had for him if he really wanted a future with Ana.

Christian not only understood Ana's notion of indecision to love him as she always had but, he respected it as well. How could he not? He knew enough of her now to know her shy and tentativeness side were quirks that helped make her the independently driven woman before him. Even though she fought strong, her shy side helped her see rational and think objectively. It was as though it was the part of her brain that made her calculate a situation that would only have a perfect outcome. She fought off of the negative feelings in her and made them into positive, life altering ones with that rationality.

Like now, she was holding off loving him like she once had but, only because he saw her point and accepted it. He understood that there was hope but, there was no rush but, he didn't feel like this could take more than a few apologises and grovelling. This could take years and that thought made his heart sink.

Clasping a hand onto his, Ana looked at him, "Fate always works out for us. Christian, believe in that and you can see that one way or another, you will love me like you used to. Even if I have to spend every day of my life doing so."

"I already think I'm in love with you," He admitted and pulled her hand to his lips before straightening her hand and pressing it to his chest, "I finally feel like I have a heart," He told her as his heart thudded through his chest and into her hand and there was no fraught behaviour to get her hand away.

There was a long way to go but, at least there was faith on their side.

_Fate_, Christian inward whispered at the idea of familiarity. He knew all about fate. _Fate brought us together. It's keeping us together and it will hold us together._


	21. Your Love For Me

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_Hey guys! I'm so pleased you liked the last chapter =) So I hope you like this one too =) Thanks for the reviews an now to give you more... ;)_

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Twenty-One

* * *

Ana gripped the side of the bed even though she knew full well Grace had her hand, her father was behind her and the doctor was watching on warily. Her mother wanted to be there but, it was either Grace or her own doctor that had to help and Ana had much more faith in Grace.

She felt like Bambi on her legs and the pains that had been managed for the entire day before were now exploding throbs as her body realised that part of an organ was missing for sure and there was a six inch incision mark on her side.

With everyone urging her, Ana pushed herself to walk but, only seemed able to slide her feet along the floor in a slow shuffle. She was weak and scared to move. If her foot hit that floor a little too hard would the pain be unbearable?

"I only went to grab food," Christian commented as he came in to find Ana being steadied on her own two feet.

Ana grimaced for a moment, thankful for the break already, and stabled herself against Grace, "Trust me, having to carry my chest drain and catheter bag is not a job for anymore but, my dad insisted." She then looked up at the doctor, her eyes like puppy dogs, "Can you please not just remove them?"

"Sorry, Ana, they're still showing a little blood," He stepped forward and put her hands out, "I want you to stand straight, use me to help you so I can see how much pull there is on the incision." Trusting him, he watched as Ana took his hands and stood up straighter, even if it was shakier than he had liked, it was something. "That's good. How does you side feel?"

"You really want to know?" She quipped at him weakly and he nodded, not speaking, just waiting. "It feels like someone went at my side with an axe," Her words held no conviction, held no strength to them but, they rattled with truths. She heard everyone laugh and it was a sound so foreign after so many tense weeks that right now it perked her up. "I know it would feel better if I were allowed to just lay down."

Giving a sincerely apologetic smirk, the doctor shook his head, "I want you to go for a short walk with support. I know it's uncomfortable with the catheter-"

"And embarrassing," Ana whimpered pathetically.

The doctor gave an empathetic smile, "Soon you'll be mobile without that but, for now, we have to help your body however we can. So I need you to go for a walk just to get your circulation back properly and you can stay in bed for the rest of the day."

"Until tomorrow," she quipped at him and took back Grace's support.

"Until tomorrow yes," The doctor commented. "Now who's going to help? The sooner we do that the sooner you can be lying down."

"I just want to lie down now," Ana grumbled under her breath really not ready to face a longer walk than the two steps to the end of the bed she already done.

"I'll help," Elliot stepped up willing to get Ana's morale up from its low level, "We can walk up the corridor and back and then you can settle."

"I'll help as well," Christian stepped in, feeling a rush of jealousy light every fibre of his being. "She's my wife."

Elliot chuckled at the incredulous moment, "Shame that hasn't been the attitude you've had recently." He didn't mean his tone to be so bitter but, Elliot felt like he had been grieving for his brother when his brother had been right in front of his eyes. That stigma was finding it hard to leave.

"I'm trying to show I'm sorry!" Christian defended heatedly, his horns becoming locked with his brother's over Ana's welfare. They were both concerned for her and both wanted to look after her now. Christian, although jealous and angered, appreciated Ana having Elliot as a form of support. Especially since his memory deteriorated.

"Stop it," Ana stopped them, "I have two sides and I'm too tired for these squabbles." She looked to them both, "Now both help me out here so I can just get myself into bed and beg to get high."

Both men chuckled and began to help with the slow walk out of the room, her walking easing a little and she just focused on her goal – the bed. She should have laughed because she never expected to want to get back into a hospital bed so soon but, she guessed she had already accepted her stay at this medical prison.

"You better not go to the pee whilst we walk," Elliot joked sarcastically and could see the redness grow in Ana's face as they made their way to the door. "I know you have no bladder control but, for me you can try. For me?" He watched Ana's face literally turn beetroot red before his eyes and he laughed a little, "I'm joking, Ana."

"I don't care this is humiliating," Ana grumbled as they finally started to make it somewhere with this journey. She turned to her husband, "I bet when you first woke up not knowing me you knew you'd be doing this right?" Ana quipped sarcastically, "Helping me walk after surgery, holding my chest drain and seeing me at my worst."

"You're beautiful," Christian commented and saw Ana's blush turn shades to a lighter peak.

"Don't make me puke," Elliot jokingly spoke up. "You two are forever going to be my cause for an upset stomach."

Christian let out an inhuman growl, "Shut up, Elliot."

Listening to them too, Ana had to giggle at the brotherly rivalry but, the moment it began she caught a glimpse of red and had to stop. "Christian," She said and reached up, ripping at her side. She didn't care as pay exploded; she went to her husband's aid. She was grateful when Elliot moved with her and she panicked. "Grace!" She called out and looked to everyone coming out, "Grace, quick!"

"Mom!" Elliot called out, panicked by the sight. "Shit, Christian!"

"I'm fine," Christian lied and tried to catch the blood with the palm of his hand and felt his mother come to his size, pressing gauzes to his nose to help. He tried to push off the help but, he was feeling another headache coming.

Carrick rushed over, "Ana let's get you back to bed." He said as he took the chest drain from Christian and allowed his wife to help Christian wholly. "Let your mother help."

"We'll go and get you seen to again and see if there are any changes and then we can come back and settle down again," Grace tried to give Christian an end result. "What harm can it do?" Grace asked and saw that Christian wanted to get his seen to now.

"Baby, let's get you help," Ana tried to step in, not willing to leave him.

Christian turned to his wife, "Ana, go back to room. I'm going to let mom get me seen to. I will be back soon and we will get to the end of this."

"Let me come with you," Ana tried, not caring for her health. If something went wrong, she was in the right place, right?

"Looking like you do? You need resting, not trailing around a hospital," He chuckled eyeing her up and day in her hospital outfit not too stable on her own feet, "You need to be back in bed, Mrs Grey." He watched her lips widen and he felt his heart swell in his chest, "That sounded good."

"Yeah it did," Ana laughed nervously, her tears coming as she heard him call her by a frequented nickname. "Oh, it really did."

Christian moved closer to her, one hand holding the tissue to his nose, the other grabbing Ana's, "You need to get resting so please do that and I will be back."

"C'mon, little lady," Elliot pressed for Ana to move and finally she relented as Grace let Christian in one direction and she went back to her room, everyone waiting to fall into the room. She noticed the doctor and nurse still hovering and she just wanted to be left alone until Christian was back.

No such luck apparently.

Ana painfully got back into bed and laid her aching body down. She quickly found her mother covering her with the starchy sheets moments later as if she were still ten years old and home from school with the flu. That one piece of creature comfort made her settle a little but, her mind was running loops around her and she was beginning to panic.

"Do you think he's going to be okay?"Ana asked, her tone biting at so many emotions as she tried to settle upon one – angst, fear, loss, love. She was alive with all of the wrong emotions.

Carla took a moment to sit on the bed, "Annie, he's in the right care at the moment and I bet you he will come back here and tell you he's fine." She covered Ana's hand took on her mothering role, "Now, how you feeling? Do you need anything?"

Giving a nod, Ana spoke miserably, "Christian. I just need Christian."

"I know," Carla said as the nurse sorted Ana out, making sure the tubes weren't tangled and that her blood pressure was skyrocketing after exerting herself. Carla watched both the nurse and her daughter diligently and even she couldn't mistake the sickening rush in her stomach when she saw the blood coming from Ana's chest drain.

"How are you feeling after that?" The doctor asked, "Are you feeling any light headedness or nausea?" He asked and Ana shook her head at him. "No abnormal feelings at all?"

"No," Ana replied honestly, "I'm just exhausted."

"Well we'll leave you to rest. Do you need anything for the pain?" He asked and Ana nodded. He ordered the nurse to get some morphine and gave Ana a smile, "I'm sure your husband is okay, Ana but, please remember you need to rest as much as possible to aid this recovery."

When the doctor left she felt the tears bubble and her mother instantly gave her a tissue to use until she calmed. Which she did and then watched the door. Ana's hands tore through another tissue as she waited for Christian. Everyone was sitting waiting and talking but, Ana just wanted to be with her husband. She should be with him. She should be glued to his side not trapped back in a hospital bed.

It felt like forever and a day before Grace and Christian entered the room and everyone held the breath in wait. They had been gone hours already and Ana was near the point of passing out now but, as Christina took a seat, she forced herself to wake up enough to hear the new truth.

"There's no explanation for the nosebleeds," Grace started exasperated at the results of the tests. "It could psychological with his memory coming back but, his scans are thoroughly clear. There are no signs of lasting physical damage from the attack. Christian, physically, is healthy. We just need to keep an eye on him and watch for any abnormal changes."

As everyone absorbed the new influx of Christian's injuries, Ana turned her head away from the conversation, phasing it all out so she could take in her husband sitting beside her. He was silent himself, withdrawn, worried, hell he was scared and she knew it.

When he finally looked at her, she could see her husband there. Could swear to God that there was no damage, no injury, no memory loss. He gave her a brief smile, leaning towards her, pulling his seat even closer to her bedside so to close the distance.

"Are you okay?" Ana asked, her voice a low tone as she tried keeping the moment between them whilst everyone else carried on listening. She did care for what Grace had to say but, she cared more for how her husband was coping with it all.

"I love how much you care for me," Was all Christian replied to her, giving a small curved smile.

It felt like one step forward, fifty back every time he made a note of something that was so prevalent in their day to day life's but, Ana had to remember this was her fifty shades of hearts and flowers coming back to her – trusting her, appreciating her, knowing her, loving her.

"I will forever," She told him sincerely, "Now are you okay?"

For the first time Christian smiled at the prospective future ahead of them, "I am now."

As everyone settled into conversation, Ana felt her hand suddenly become occupied. Slowly she lowered her head and allowed her tired eyes to look and see her husband's hand sitting in hers, fingers entwined, and a habit he seemed to have picked up – his fingers were playing her piano melody.

She couldn't help believing he was here to stay.

She just didn't give bad luck a chance to snatch it away.

She revelled in it.


	22. Hesitancy of the Moment

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_Aloha! I seem to have a real love of this story and I don't quite know why! However, I plan to look at my other stories soon, just when this one stops being an attention seeker ;)_

_For now, THANK YOU and enjoy!_

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Twenty-Two

* * *

"Go," Ana whispered at him, "You'll just be watching me sleep at this rate and I need you to eat, Christian. You tell me off enough so remember I always tell you off too." She could feel the medication sweeping her system and she was ready for peace and quiet. She only liked one person watching her sleep and that was her husband.

Still unsure of his actions and feelings, Christian leaned down and kissed her cheek, "I will be back later."

"I thought so," Ana murmured drowsily and felt the rounds of farewells happen before Christian came back once more and left her. Her heart was buzzing with emotions; she could feel it beating again instead of seizing its motions of life.

Christian took one last look and was ready to get food so he could come back to be by Ana's side when he saw Taylor coming towards him at a frightening pace, ready to stall him. He allowed his guard to pull him to the side and speak without everyone hearing.

"Sir," Taylor stepped in, "We have an issue at GEH. Ros wants you there."

Christian was pleased that Ana didn't hear this. She didn't need to that stress of knowing there were any other issues outside of their marital status. That was enough right now. He looked to Taylor and at his family, "What's happened first?" Christian knew that look that Taylor was giving him, he could literally feed of it, "What is it, Taylor?"

"It's Barrett, he wants to try again at getting a deal," Taylor said and saw the name strike up a whirlwind of dark and twisted emotions in Christian. He knew that Christian was well away of the men who attacked him, and he was well away of the lengths Christian was going to destroy the man that made him into the man he was today.

Christian laughed, "After he's henchmen attacked us?" He scoffed his question, "He can think again if I'm going to conform and make a deal with him. I'm not stupid and that bastard took more from me than I did him!" He felt himself get heated, his hands literally twitching at his sides as the anger bubbled and boiled.

If there was one man that needed vanquishing it was David Barrett, the man that hadn't taken Christian's decline all that well. At the end of the day, Christian took on business that he would see thrive. Barrett was living a pipe dream and Christian Grey didn't live on the premise of pipe dreams, he lived them day in day out.

"I want him removed from my building," Christian stated and then looked to his father as they all stood waiting. "Dad, I need a favour."

"Whatever you need," Carrick started and took a few steps forward. "I'll help however I possibly can."

Nodding at the satisfaction of having this help, Christian felt his controlling CEO, Dom side coming out to power him through this, "I want a restraining order drafted up against David Barrett and I want it to make sure he comes nowhere near me, my wife or anyone in my family. I mean him and anyone associated with him."

"Is it necessary to be this extreme?" Kate asked knowing that this would result in amplified security and Ana being kept out of the loop whilst she was still this unwell.

"Kate, he got his men to attack Jason and I. I can't and I won't take the risk that he will do something like this again. Nothing prevented this from happening and right now, with Ana's health how it, I would rather take every overprotective approach and be hated for that than letting one of you get hurt and being loathed for not doing a fucking thing."

"Calm down," Carrick jumped in and soothed the situation. "After the attack and the motive behind it, I will look into it as soon as but, for now, do you think it's wise you going to GEH to see him?"

"Yes," Christian bit back, "I'm going to go and sort this and then I am coming back here."

Knowing there was no stopping him, Grace now stepped in, "Christian you need to watch out. You're still volatile. Your moods are still as unpredictable as before. Is this wise?"

"It's necessary," Christian replied back in a simpler manner. "I will do this and close this chapter."

"Hang on," Elliot suddenly said finally. "Why wasn't this asshole arrested? We seemed to have lost sight of that matter since all the crap that started happening."

"No proof," Christian exchanged a look with Taylor as he said and he felt the bitterness eat away at him. "I won't let him win this. Someone like that took on the wrong man that day."

"Men," Taylor stepped in, correcting Christian as he did so. "Now, let's get to GEH and back. There are men posted here, everyone needs to get food whilst Ana rests and we sort this out. Then we will be right back here where we are needed."

Everyone seemed to accept that notion as they soon found themselves dispersing with the idea of being back by Ana's side as soon as. Christian didn't allow Taylor time to keep up, he was on a mission and he was angered to the extreme at the thought of Barrett at his work again.

And when Christian walked into his work he felt empowered and driven. The moment he saw Barrett he wasted no time, "If you've come here for another deal breaker, I'll let you down now. I don't want to and never will want to work with you, Mr Barrett. That isn't up for debate."

"I thought after your near death you'd have a change of heart," Barrett spoke smugly as he watched Christian with a gleaming gaze. "Like you had a change of, ah, memory."

Looking to Taylor, Christian spoke one final time, "Taylor get security to help you get rid of these men. They're trespassing," He then sat nothing else but went into his office. He wanted away from Barrett as soon as possible because he could feel himself getting ready to get blood on his hands.

He sat his desk and this time looked at the photos as moments of his life and not invading lies. And then he saw something as he picked up one of the photos he had faced down and wondered what the hell it was. Curiosity snapped at him and she grabbed the piece of paper and read it the words imprinted onto it.

'_Mrs Christian Grey – the title Ana wants until death. 14__th__ May 2013. 09:32AM.'_

He knew the pain was coming and this time wasn't shocked as it happened. He remembered this moment and how Ana answered the call with _"Mrs Christian Grey here, how may I help you?" _and he knew that his wife was his for life, for eternity.

This had to be the most painful way to get his memories back but, he wanted them so much he would endure this without any complaint. Placing his hands in his head he remembered how that same day his wife was ripped right out from under him.

"Christian," Taylor asked as he came into the room to find Christian, head in hands, silence running freely.

"I've got a headache," Christian admitted feebly. He released his head and looked at the sheet of paper and then the smiling brunette opposite him and Christian could feel his life slotting back together. When he had first seen Leila he had seen her as a pawn, she was means to get his kicks but, now the thought of her made him sick. If he thought long enough he would actually find him throwing up into the bin next to his bed. "I want to make sure that none of my subs can get near me again," Christian admitted to his guard. "I just want to make sure that I can get back to my life with Ana."

Taylor smirked, "You don't need to go to such an extent to ensure that. They haven't been bothered with you for years and believe me, we'll be ready for Leila or any other threat that might come our way."

For once, Christian felt like he would have the control he thrived on and the love that kept him surviving.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

Hearing someone by her door, Ana watched for a moment as a huge bouquet of flowers entered the room closely followed by their buyer. "Hey," Ana mused as Elena came into the room. "Now you show your face." She needed to test her humour because apparently the pain from walking was above and beyond what the doctor had mentioned. She needed a distraction and here she had it in Elena.

Elena popped the vase of flowers she had in her hands and down and smirked, "I know I disappeared but, apparently I can't handle you being hurt. Just like I couldn't with Christian. I really am a bad friend."

"No," Ana told her back sincerely, "You're not a bad friend. You're here now and yesterday I was barely awake. I feel bad everyone standing around waiting for me to wake up."

"Stop that," Elena scolded and walked to Ana's bedside, "How about today?" Elena asked as she noted Ana's exhausted expression. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel just perfect," Ana lied and looked to Elena. "I'm more worried about Christian."

"I heard about the nosebleeds," Elena commented sympathetically. "Where is he right now?"

"Grace took him to get proper food," Ana gave a small smile as she remembered his resilience to leave. The way he fought his mother to stay here was so reminiscent of the old him that I felt myself just fall back into that way of life."

"Well, that's not a bad thing," Elena remarked and felt Ana's expression literally burn upon her brain. "What's the matter?"

Ana sighed before she caved to her thoughts, "I do feel like I've lost him all over again, Elena. At times I feel like I did when I came to you at the club that night. I feel like he's gone and never coming back but, then he does something and I know he's still there. I'm scared I'm not strong enough to endure more loss."

Elena immediately grabbed Ana's hand, "You're stronger than you believe you are, Ana. Don't ever doubt that."

"I guess," Ana stated to appease Elena for a moment and quickly took in a deep breath and move the conversation onwards. "I need to check on work, could you grab my phone for me, please?"

"Oh no," Elena stepped in, "I know what you're doing and I don't think so."

"I have to see what's going on there and I need to call Mia. Her and Ethan still aren't working things out," Ana tried to show the urgency to it all even though she had no energy to execute ending her worry.

"Ana," Elena spoke in an exasperated tone. "Can you not just stop a moment and get better? All these issues will be there when you're out of the hospital. So for now, can you do what you're meant to do and rest please?"

"No, they'll be worse than ever and I'll be stressed over them then," Ana stressed but, she could see she wasn't going to win this especially with Elena's next moves happening before she could do a damn thing about it.

Elena picked up the button for morphine pump and hit it, "That's what you're doing." She told her friend and took Ana's scolding gaze in her stride. "You can't try and survive when you're in pain and tired. If I hadn't had done it, then Christian or Kate sure as hell would have."

"You're so mean," Ana grumbled as the warmth of drugs wrapped around her pained side and lulled her into a sleep as if it were singing a sweet, melodic lullaby. She hated how instant the effect of morphine was on her but, when the pains disappeared she loved it. Who wouldn't?

"And you're so going to sleep," Elena laughed and slipped into one of the chairs in the room and spoke to Ana as she slowly eased into a drug aided slumber. She wanted to speak with Ana, try and make this normal, but at the end of the day, Ana was in hospital ill and that was the bottom line. She would do anything to help her friend get better.

As she was leaving the hospital, Elena saw Christian coming back in, flanked by yet more guards and she rolled her eyes. They hadn't had any potential threats for literally years but, here they all were with their

"Come on," Elena motioned and led him over to an empty bench.

Christian was feeling a fool for everything. His wife was very much his most prized possession but, his attitude to her proved that he had thought of her as if she was the most worthless piece of fake treasure possible.

Now his body was thriving for ultimate forgiveness. He needed to repent more than he had. He had to show her he was sorry. He had to prove he was prepared for a life with her because the thought of divorcing her now after seeing the light scared him.

"What's this about? I want to go to Ana," Christian tried to hurry the conversation along.

"You can but, this is about Ana," Elena told him and put her hand to his. "I know you feel like you're back," Elena commented weakly, "but have you remembered that Ana is a little more standoffish to your marriage?"

"Yes," Christian murmured.

"Good, I just wanted to make sure that you wanting her back would tolerate her resistance. I was hoping I would see you before you got back so that I could make you away that your wife is terrified to lose you all over again. She will be hesitant you but, believe me, that girl is worth it."

"I know," Christian gave her a smile, "I just want to make it right and I can't do that by being here."

Elena knew not to top him any more than she had and so she stood up, "Go up there. I just made her take morphine for the pain she's in so she is now completely out of it. Be there when she wakes up."

"I will be," Christian grinned with the idea of being Ana's first sight again. It excited him and made him feel special. Accepting a hug from Elena, Christian rushed to Ana's room. He didn't even care if she was asleep; the sight of her was enough to make him feel like he was had life.

Whilst coming in, Christian had a moment and it was like an influx of information. He remembered moments of a life that he could have claimed weren't his. If it wasn't for the sound of his name coming from Ana's lips then he would assumed otherwise. If it wasn't for her hand gripping his cooper hand, or her fingers dancing over his scars then he would have claimed watching a movie.

He felt someone come to grab him but, he pushed them off and made a beeline for the elevator. He was consumed so much he had one goal: Ana. He only felt himself begin to settle when he came to her room. He raced in, ready to take in her sight but, what Christian came back to made his feet become one with the floor, his heart freeze over and his veins begin to bubble.

This could be the one thing that Ana left him for.


	23. Listen Here

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_And here we, another cliffhanger over... ;) Enjoy and thank you! _

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Twenty-Three

* * *

With blood boiling the moment his saw Leila sitting there on Ana's bed whilst Ana slept burnt into his retinas, Christian had no remorse. He pulled Leila from the bed and didn't care one bit when she hit the wall to stop her from falling over. He had no idea what she was doing here but, she had made it pretty convincing by gaining herself a nurse's uniform and pretending to be one. He was livid and if he wasn't careful he would start foaming at the mouth at how angry he was, at how tricked he felt by her that night. Of course, he didn't forget his role but, Leila knew his marital status, she knew who he chose in the past – he chose Ana. Yet Leila didn't stop him from wanting to do the deed with her. Not that night anyway.

The thought really was making him feel ready to gag.

Feeling the movement of her bed jolted Ana awake and the moment she saw Leila sobriety hit veins and she was wide awake. Then that crushing pain that felt like someone was standing on her chest, bouncing a little to make the ribs begin to crack and break beneath the pressure attacked her.

Leila was in her hospital room and her and Christian were in a heated moment. His face was taunt and tense with an oncoming growl whereas Leila's was soft and full of plea. Watching her Ana felt her heart sink and her swim as she remembered the night Leila was brought back to Escala. Her husband almost slept with that woman and right while she had been in the other room. He had planned for that, had imagined it, fuck, had wanted it.

"Why are you here?" Christian asked, unimpressed with the lack of diligence to his security. He, at one time, didn't remember hiring them but, they were the newest recruits to Taylor's teamed and the less informed and he hated that they were manning the door. "How did you know Ana was here?"

Leila laughed, "She's Christian Grey's wife, the whole of Seattle knows. She became famous when she cheated you into marrying her." Looking to Ana, Leila didn't hold back, "I thought I understood why he picked you but, I don't understand now. Why would he want someone that he has to look after now?" She asked and even as Christian prevented her moving forward the venom still dripped from her lips, "You're worthless if you're like this! You cannot feed his needs and yearnings! You cannot fulfil him like I can. You are useless."

"And you are done!" Christian barked and began to remove her from the room and place her into his security's useless hands when a voice stopped him going further than he was already.

"I'll tell you why he wants me," Ana choked up, finding her voice in amongst all of the physical and emotional pain she was unwillingly trapped in. "Christian fell in love with me the moment he saw me. We were drawn to each other and he gave me the chance when I asked for more. He didn't run from it like he had all his other subs. He didn't even care when I didn't submit like you all did. I found my voice in our relationship and I made damn sure I used it and was heard. If I didn't like something I didn't safe word to make it stopped, I made him change it so we met in the middle. Our entire relationship is built on what we both want, not what he needs because he doesn't need whips and chains and woman bound to his bed. He needs me, a wife, a woman that loves all of his fuckedupness and doesn't even batter a lash. He needs love and attention and adoration even when he believes he doesn't deserve it. He needs me," Ana starting to close her summation, "He doesn't need you or any other of his 14 subs. You're worthless when compared to me."

Leila looked defeated for a moment and then her anger built, "Loved you so much he forgot you."

"He forgot you too, you psychotic bitch!" Ana spat back, sitting up too fast for her protesting side. "So don't you even dare say that to me when it's me that he is falling back in love with! He didn't even care for you when I chased you out of our apartment. He didn't even stop me threatening you so who does he really care for more?" She asked clasping her side as though her anger was going to start seeping from her incision wound.

Christian wanted to go to Ana, help her, soothe her, do whatever to make this moment disappear. However, he could fee Leila beginning to quiver with anger and he had to shake his head to shift the headache attacking. In doing so, he sent the memories flying into his head and he remembered the night he found Leila and Ana face to face, Leila with a gun and Ana trying to talk the situation down. He remembered Leila's easy submission and him nearly losing Ana as a result. Leila was volatile and Christian wasn't going to let her do real damage.

"I can forgive him for everything he has said and done to me. Even forgetting me is forgiven but, I will never forgive you for even taking advantage of him. I am not calling him a saint because we all know he isn't," She looked to Christian to prove that she didn't hate his sinning side, she loved his imperfections. "I know our love will get us through this because he loves me enough to come back to me," Ana paused a moment, her gaze laying onto Leila and even though her energy was dwindling she still had the power to unnerve Leila, "To remember me and how much he loves _me_."

"You don't love her that much," Leila commented and spun around even with Christian's grasp on her wrist. "I love you, Christian," Leila told him tentatively and as she dared reach for his chest he swiped it away so forcefully she was made to cup her reddened hand. "I will always love you, _Master_."

Ana watched Christian almost grieve that term that used to whole such endearment. He was like salt on a wound to him now, cracking open a past he had survived and didn't want to be cast back to. He looked assaulted by the term 'master' now and he showed no potential to thrive upon it. It only seemed to live on the anger it thrust into his body.

"I am not your master and I never will be again," Christian began to say to her, his jaw clenched with his attempt to remain calm in the situation. "I don't love you, Leila. Our relationship was purely consensual fucking. You were my submissive; I didn't love you enough to make you more than that. I only used you." Christian leaned in, "You were never enough for me. You will never be enough and I will never love you." Leila went to slap Christian but, unlike with Ana, he caught her hand before she made contact and felt control place itself in his body. This time in a good way. "I wouldn't dare think about adding assault onto the trouble you already are in for being here."

Leila huffed unhappily and turned to Ana, "I wish you had died. Then I could have been the one he loves. If you had never came into his life I could have gotten him back!"

"No, you couldn't have," Ana replied and slowly settled back down to her pillows knowing her body was done. She could feel how much the stress and strain had had an effect and she knew she was going to pay a beauty. "I've got too much to live for, Leila."

"I'm not done here," Leila countered threatening Ana. "You haven't seen the last of me. You'll wish you'd never met Christian Grey when I'm done."

"That's enough!" Christian broke his silence. His last nerve finally snapping under that threat but, he noticed that Ana didn't even show a glimmer of fear and that just empowered him more to remove Leila from the room. However, he needed to put his two cents in and then he would be successfully done here. "Going to listen to me, Leila?"

Leila just nodded finding fear in Christian's incensed demeanour.

"The woman behind me has survived so much that I'm pretty sure she is indestructible. In the beginning she accepted me for me, not for _that_ lifestyle. She loved me unconditionally regardless of my actions and when I realised she wasn't like, she wasn't a submitting slave, I realised I had a real woman. Someone that wasn't with me to please me with her actions. Oh no, Anastasia pleased me by giving me her heart and finding mine. I married her because I found love above a lifestyle of BDSM. I don't need that. That won't keep me happy for the rest of my life. The woman behind me will. So I think it's time you left Leila, and never came back," Christian ended with a smile on his face. He remembered his life with Ana. It was all there, back in his mind where it should have been.

And Leila needed to go. Opening the door, he threw Leila out and barked an order at Sawyer and Taylor and then slammed the door closed. Throwing Leila out like he had gave Christian a burst of control. He had made a notion to prevent her from coming into his life and now he was making sure it stayed that way. For good. Going back into the room, he saw Ana trying to stop herself from reacting. The moment they looked at each other, Christian saw how Leila affected Ana. It was so raw and real, that Christian felt a part of himself die.

That night was all about his greed and need and he hadn't thought about Ana. At that moment in time he hadn't really cared for her. However, now he did and he was swamped to drowning point at how much guilt he had acuminated for himself. He had made Ana feel like she wasn't wanted and he had made her feel unloved. He saw that now and he wanted to never see it again.

He loved her. He wanted her. He needed her. All of those screamed at him and made him react and he rushed to her side, climbed onto the bed so he was on her unhurt side and just pulled her into his arms. Nothing felt more right than those actions he had just placed into motion.

For the first time in weeks, Christian held Ana tightly in his arms and allowed her to cry. He felt her move, her head and hand coming to her chest and for once he didn't feel as if he had been bitten by something and needed to get rid of it. Her palm burnt him and he found it pleasurable. He was healing her and she was healing him. Finally she became completely undone and he knew it wasn't healthy for her but she needed a proper release. She had to fall for him and trust him to catch her. He just hoped she saw he was willing to do that now. He would catch her every little fall, even if it was at her own clumsiness.

Ana reached up and grabbed a piece of shirt as she sobbed her heart out. She might have done it a lot over the weeks but, she was so glad to having someone there to look after her and hold her. This time she had her husband to cry to and not the four walls of a room. And suddenly she felt herself able to calm down. Unlike before she could hiccup a few sobs and look at her husband.

"I've missed you so much," She whispered and sniffled. "I just, I don't know how to survive without you, Christian. I don't want to do this ever again. I just want to grow old with you and see you every day. I don't ever want to feel like you don't love me."

"Oh God," Christian gasped at her, "I-I don't have words to explain how sorry I am, Ana, but I have promises to live forever making it up to you. I know you don't see me needing forever to do that but, right now I have to make up for being how I was. That's my prerogative." He took a deep breath, "I just want to love you and work on for this."

"And we can," she whispered to him as she began to calm completely. "I wish you would wear your ring again," Ana commented as her left hand took to his and she noted his empty wedding finger. It still sent a painful pang into her heart and cut her up but, she knew one day life would be like this was another closed chapter to their life.

Reaching into his pocket, Christian brought out the gold band that hadn't left his finger until the day he threw it at his wife as though to metaphorically end their marriage. "I put it back on after your surgery but, when you told me you would give me divorce to make me happy and to end the hell you were living I couldn't wear it without knowing your thought on it. I wasn't making you happy anymore and that said it all. I had ruined everything."

Ana watched his gaze drop and she moved minimally, "Look at me," Ana asked of him gently. When he looked to her she felt him come and wipe the tears away from her cheeks and cup her hand so gently, "I never want to divorce you. That is one of the things my nightmares are made up, Christian. Do you understand?" She asked and he nodded, "I never imagined to have to be that strong but, I would do it all over again. Before you I wouldn't have been that strong but, I can't stop being strong and loving you and that's because of what you've done to me, Christian. God, you loved me even after everything and you waited for me. You _loved_ me in more ways than any other man could love a woman. You fixed me after I was broken."

"But you did leave," Christian admitted. Even though he felt himself to be back where he was before the attack, he found it all fresh and knew.

"Part of our story," Ana gave him a playful smile. "God, we have some love story to tell our grandkids one day, Mr. Grey." She then reached for the wedding ring in his closed hand and slid it back onto his finger, a smile growing as it took its place, "Perfect," she whispered and laced her fingers to his.

"It is perfect," Christian observed pleasantly as he pulled her tight against him and allowed her to settle. "Everything's going to be okay now," Christian remarked and kissed into her hair, taking in her natural scent that soothed him. "I have you back where you belong," Christian mumbled as he settled. "_Right in my arms_."

Ana went rigid at that. He had told her that the night before hell broke loose scarring her life with its profanities and evil.

"I remember and I won't forget again. Not when you're here," He vowed knowing that if his memory lapsed he wouldn't be able to stop it. "We're both where we belong."

"Right in each other's arms?" Ana asked and moved stiffly to look up at him, blue meeting grey in a fierce moment.

"Right in each other's arms," He confirmed and finally lowered his lips to her, feeling the rush of endorphins and adrenaline that only Ana gave him. The kissed was the final piece to sealing their life back together.

He was finally right where he belonged.


	24. Finding Perfection

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_Thank you for the response and enjoy this update =) _

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Twenty-Four

* * *

Ana took a deep breath but felt the pain it caused. Yesterday had really done a number on her. She slowly became aware at the beating beneath her ear and the heat against her cheek and she almost went to push away but, then realisation set in thick and fast. Her husband was making her warm and keeping her safe. Here he was, in her hospital bed with her and nothing else seemed to matter. She was with her husband and that was the most notable thing in her recovery.

"Ah," Ana heard from behind her and she turned a little to look and saw a nurse, "We need to wake him up and get him off of the bed. It's not hospital protocol and I need to check you over."

"Please, just leave him," Ana pleaded desperately as though this were her only life line.

The nurse gave a displeased look, "I'll give you two an extra thirty minutes but then he is up and I am going to let take your blood pressure and make sure everything is okay before the doctor arrives. Got it?"

"Got it," Ana replied and gave an appreciative smile. She watched the nurse leave and she literally snuggled in move to her slumbering spouse and felt his arm tighten a little around and she felt safe. For the first time in weeks she felt like she had a place in someone's world again.

She began to drift when she heard conversation driving closer and she knew exactly who's voice the main ne belonged to so she didn't even bother to move or wake up. She just stayed where she was.

"I mean we haven't heard from him all night so we can only guess he's gon-" Kate was abruptly cut short as she found Christian laying beside Ana, his arms around her, her best friend awake as could be and a small smile formed on her lips. "Found him," She commented to her husband and Grace and went into the room. "Steele?"

"Hey," Ana whispered back and looked up to Kate, "Was he missing?"

"Yeah," Kate grinned as she sat down on the chair that usually occupied Christian and leaned in, not caring that she was literally talking over Christian's body. "So this is new," Kate trailed off and saw Ana smiled.

Ana just nodded lightly, not bothering with words right now. She was just revelling in what had happened the night before.

Grace stepped into view with her motherly smile on, "How you feeling today, Sweetie?"

"I don't feel too good," Ana mumbled, closed her eyes and took in a deep sign. "I think it's all catching up on me." She opened her eyes and looked from Kate to Grace, "Leila was here last night."

There was collective shock that even erupted from Elliot.

"Christian made her leave after laying into her pretty heavily," Ana told them truthfully and she gave a watery smile, her lip beginning to quiver, "He's back." She recognised the look of doubt that swept across their gazes, "This time I'm sure of it and so is he. I know I'm going to be hesitant towards it all for a bit but, I know it's him."

"I think the way he's wrapped around you is a sure sign of that," Elliot quipped, giving Christian a once over. He then began to grin, "Next thing we know you'll be love making when we walk in. Sterile environments won't help you."

Ana laughed but, ceased up and cut her giggling short. Yeah, yesterday really had done it. She couldn't wait to have the catheter and chest drain removed so she could actually get comfortable. Right now she felt limited more so than she thought she would be and she felt like she was an invalid.

"You okay, dear?" Grace asked, stepping forward a few steps.

"I'm in pain," Ana admitted, her voice strained and minimal as the pain bite around at her threshold.

"That's why you have this," Elliot reached over Ana with the PCA button that was by her bed. "You're given it so you can control your own drugs, little lady. Use it."

"I don't want to," Ana grumbled, "That stuff makes me as high as a kite and knocks me out."

"Ana," Grace started, "You need to rest so your body can heal. Sleep is the best thing for that now." She could see Ana start to argue with her and she hardened her look, no more nice Grace. "You not only have one hell of an infection in your body, Ana, but you had kidney stones removed and part o your kidney. Your body needs the rest. It needs time to recuperate and if you're not sleeping when your body says to then you aren't healing well enough."

"I just don't want to sleep all the time. It's all I feel like I've done lately even before the operation," Ana grumbled unhappily at the prospect of sleeping but still being tired.

"And you will be doing that for the next few weeks," Grace commented using the doctoral part of her brain. It was making her think rationally and without the ability to back down like a mother might to their child. "So don't try to work through the pain and don't refuse the pain relief. I wouldn't tell you to talk it if I didn't think it was good for you. From a doctor's point of view I just want you better."

"I know," She put up a fight again, her tone lingering low.

"Just listen," Christian's voice erupted suddenly, reverberating through Ana and it came out hard and harsh all at once. He was half asleep when he heard his mother's reasoning and now he was going to back her up sternly.

Ana was more terrified of this moment than she had expected to be. She closed her eyes, and pleaded with herself – please be him. Please be him. Please be him.

"Hey Baby," Christian's voice penetrated her mental mantra, a hand coming to the side of her face, "Open those eyes for me."

She did as he asked and saw the soft grey orbs that she caught watching her sleep on countless mornings. Ana couldn't deny the excitement that illuminated her face, "It's you."

"Of course it is," Christian smirked at her. "I told you I would be here."

Ana knew she could settle with the dread in her if this same wash of excitement attacked her straight after. "I thought you had gone back to mean Christian," She admitted lightly, her tone scolding him lightly. "But you're not him."

Letting out a chuckle, Christian gave her a kiss, "I don't aspire to be him either, baby, but I do aspire to be stern with your recovery and make sure you do everything right."

"God, I didn't think I'd ever be so happy to hear you lay the law down like that," Ana giggled lightly as her eyes met with her husband's and she knew he was home. There was no impending doom or icicles developing as he looked at her. He adored her again, she could feel it.

Not caring who was in the room, Christian cupped her face and brought her lips to his. He kissed her passionately showing how much of him was back. How out of his mind he was for her. He was all there but, he was still pretty much falling in love with her all over again.

Elliot and Kate both coughed to break the moment and were satisfied when they were successful.

"Sorry to disrupt but, I need to do my rounds on Mrs Grey," The doctor apologised. "I need to check the incision and make sure everything is in order. We're probably going to remove the catheter and I need to give Ana a once over, I'm sure she would like the privacy," The doctor spoke up and everyone looked to Ana who just nodded. He watched everyone begin to file out before he noticed Christian was still firmly stuck at Ana's. "Mr. Grey?"

"I'm staying," Christian demanded stubbornly and crossed his arms over his chest.

Ana reached up and pulled one of his hands out to hold, "Go and get some fresh air, Christian. That or food. Hell, if I'm allowed food, get me something." She watched Christian grin, "Plus I want to know how Leila got through to me. I thought that would be impossible."

"You're right, it was _supposed_ to be. There are some people that need firing," Christian commented, his eyes narrowing with intent. "I will be straight back here once the doctor leaves."

"I didn't think anything less," Ana commented back and felt his kiss and watched him leave, albeit still hesitantly.

"Mind if I take a look at your side?" The doctor asked as the nurse came in with clean bandages ready for her incision to be inspected. The doctor helped Ana a little before lifting her gown to reveal the long gauze on her side. As he peeled it away, he was obviously inspecting, "I think we'll remove the chest drain in a moment once I've done this." He stilled a moment, barking his orders to the nurse before he began to clean his own handiwork up. "There's no infection there but, that's not to say we don't have to be over precautious."

"Yeah, I would prefer to not be in here longer than I have to be," Ana quipped and tried to just phase out the irritation of feeling him clean the wound and then begin to cover it and she tried even harder to leave this place as he removed the chest drain and consequently checked the catheter bag out a second time only to look satisfied.

She wished she had kept her husband here when the doctor decided to remove that as well. _Always the martyr, Anastasia._

When he was done and he left, Ana felt the air in the room change. She was more independent now. Not a lot, she knew that but, she was not going to have to carry anything but herself to get around now. She could cope with that.

Even remaining silent, the nurse did her side of the job without much conversation having seen Ana remain quite distant. Ana knew soon she would understand the protocol enough that she could do a Leila and pose as a nurse and sneak into peoples' room. She watched as her blood pressure was taken and then her temperature and Ana could see the displeasure wash upon the nurse's face.

"What is it?" Ana pressed, wanting to know what was wrong now.

The nurse shook her head, "It's probably nothing but, your temperature is still elevated slightly." She gave Ana a bright, optimistic smile, "Apparently that infection just doesn't want to leave you easily. We'll need to take bloods again and test that to be sure but, I think it'll be more antibiotics."

"Great," Ana grumbled imagining her doorway out of here getting further and further away.

The nurse could see Ana's mood dive and she understood it entirely, "I'll let your family back in and don't worry about the infection. That's our concern whilst you're here," She told Ana sweetly and collected the rubbish left from her bandage being changed and left the room.

Ana sighed and laid back, placing a hand under her head as she waited for the nurse to just leave and everyone to flood back in. To be told she had a fever only made her think of the thing that had rendered her pained and irritable since before Christian's attack.

She watched her husband stride in alone and she threw a smile at him and she could only imagine how tired it appeared. She was exhausted and she had done absolutely nothing.

"You've got to be happy to be freer, eh Baby?" Christian asked jokingly as he came back in. He was soothed after going ballistic at the pair that stood security at the door last night. He had then fed them to Taylor and knew full well they would survive Taylor's punishment.

"I am but I have a bone to pick with you," Ana muttered as he got closer to her side. She watched him question her with a cocked brow and she smirked for a moment before dissolving into a sort of half hearted seriousness. "I blame you wholeheartedly for getting me an UT-fucking-I in the first place," Ana scolded him playfully as he leaned on her bed.

Christian smirked at that as he remembered the pleasurable moment in the restroom of that restaurant, "I believe we caused quite a queue." He shrugged and spoke as everyone else entered, "I think I'm going to make us a bucket list."

"Of?" Ana asked, half knowing where this conversation going and she felt her sexual inner goddess stir. It had been a while laying dormant, not willing to get excited all the while Christian was a complete asshole.

"Places for us to consummate," Christian gave a wicked grin, the sexual desire roaming freely in his eyes and he couldn't wait to have his wife healed. It felt like an eternity since he felt like this but, now he did he was revelling in it beautifully. He saw Ana blush and giggle and his craving manifested in him.

"Oh great, we're gonna see fumigation take over Seattle when you're better, Ana," Elliot joked and chuckled, even Kate was giggling at the thought. "I swear it's a chastity belt for you for your birthday."

Biting her lip in anticipation, Ana replied, "I'm pretty sure Christian Grey would have the key made for that."

"Oh I so would," Christian spoke smugly. There would be nothing stopping him rekindling with his wife.

The world had better beware of that day.

It was greatly anticipated already.


	25. My Punishment

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N:**_ I will declare it now – THE END IS NIGH FOR THIS STORY! Not sure if there will be a sequel. I'll see what happens! =) For now enjoy and know how thankful I am for all of your love, support and reviews!_

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Twenty-Five

* * *

Sneezing, Ana gripped her side and found back against the bed. Opening her eyes she looked over at the guilty party of lilies that had been sent in by one of the authors she had discovered and couldn't wait for someone to come in and throw them out of the window so she didn't have to use up valuable energy levels to do it herself.

She gave in when another sneeze burst free and she sat up a little, throwing the blanket off of her body, reading to think of the easiest, least painful way to swing her legs around and get out of bed without mass damage.

"Where are you off to, woman?" Christian cut her short of skipping out of bed and going feral on a vase of flowers. "You're meant to be resting and getting help with moving around."

Ana just resulted in sneezing and wincing all in one movement. "The flowers," She pointed at the abomination in the corner as another two sneezes attacked her. She felt literally near tears as she sneezed four times in a row.

Christian didn't need to be told; he saw the lilies and jumped in action. He knew that those and tulips were a no go for Ana and he immediately worked on getting them out of the room. She could hear him tell the guards that were now under Taylor's careful watch get given orders. They were yet to sack the men on guard as Christian and Taylor had decided to give them a run for their money. Christian was going to be the slave driver and enjoy it and admittedly, Ana was going to enjoy it as well.

After learning that Taylor had Leila arrested it seemed that Christian relaxed and let his guard down completely especially after she was readmitted to a psychiatric institute. She wasn't their issue and he would never make her one. He almost made a mistake and for that he would punish himself for the rest of his days.

Christian's biggest torture was sitting and dwelling on how life had unravelled from something he loved to something he would hate. How did a man that was so happily in love turn into the beast he had? He didn't know and it seemed no one else did either. He hated that he was left with no answers, no explanations and no reasoning. It was like one day he switched off this life and then switched it back on. His scans were inconclusive and they were now so clear of damage it had even his mother and her neurologist friend baffled.

It was like no attack had occurred.

No one would believe a man who protested that love healed him because that was crazy talk, he knew that.

"You're looking pensive again," Ana pointed out as she shuffled around on her bed to get comfortable. It was like her husband waited for her to be comfortable before he joined her on the bed. At first he sat down with her then he kicked his shoes off and clambered on next to her and held her close. "You're going to have permanent lines soon."

Christian stifled a laugh as he realised he did seem to be stuck in his own head a lot lately, "I just keep searching for a reason as to why everything happened. I didn't sleep last night because I remember how awful I treated you. How can you forgive me if I can't forgive myself?"

"Easy," Ana moved a little to look up him, "Because you're here now and making it right. Don't dwell on the past when we're both here with one another." She heard him sigh and watched as a nurse came in, this one didn't ask Christian move but, just checked Ana over and gave her a new dose of medication stating they were lowering the strength ready for when she got the okay to be discharged.

"I can't wait to get you home," Christian murmured as he relaxed and let his worries go away. "I can't wait to have you in our bed, sleeping where you're comfortable," he was so desperate to get her home especially when his mother made him go home to sleep. He hated it but he found himself unable to argue with his mother when Ana was on her side willing him to go home and get proper rest before he came back and stuck by her side for the entire next day.

What they seemed to ignore was that he rested better in the chair by Ana's bedside than he did in his own bed.

"I can't wait for you to be okayed for cardiovascular exercise either," Christian whispered in her ear, nibbling at her deliberately to hit her ticklish spot. "I promise to make you scream my name from dusk until dawn."

"You already do," Ana laughed, the drugs doing their job to numb the pain and for once she found herself not wanting to sleep straight away. The nurse hadn't lied apparently. "I'm pretty sure we

"We'll take a second honeymoon then," Christian optimised wondering where else they could profit from getting a grand beach side villa. However, he felt the silence wrap around them in a graceful embrace, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Ana told him and saw that he didn't buy her lie nor would he just to let the situation pass by. "I just remember how you wanted to get rid of everything just so that I had nothing. I just can't imagine life without it all now. I mean, I miss my simple life but, I know that we are financially stable. It scares me that I had to start thinking about living on just own income and not have yours to share everything with. Since we got married we began such a duo at everything that I think I forgot how to do it on my own. We share the bills, the deed to Escala is in our name, all our holiday homes are in both our names. Our lives are so joint that I just felt in a mess at the thought of splitting everything."

"Never again," Christian soothed. "God, Ana, never again."

"Do you think we can make something that we can do, you know," She moved to look at him, only grimacing a little with the pain, "In case you suffer a relapse."

"I won't suffer a relapse, Ana," Christian's voice was tense as he said that as if he didn't want to face that possibility. "Is that how this is going to be?" He asked as he unwrapped his arms from her side and got up off of the bed. "Am I going to have to wake up every day and watch you doubt if it's me or if it's _him_?" He put his hands to his head as he turned and faced his wife, "Is that going to be my punishment for the rest of my life?"

Ana felt herself tear up. She didn't want the doubt but, her life was stolen from the moment that baseball bat made contact with her husband's head and although she wasn't there and she wasn't a catalyst for it, he still lost himself as if it were splattered across the garage of GEH.

"No," Ana whispered out her plead and reached for him, "It's not, Christian but, I'm scared okay?" She threw her fear at him, "God, I'm terrified because we don't know what tomorrows going to hold. Fuck, we don't know what the next minute is going to hold. Sure you've not had a mood swing or any signs of him coming back in days and I love that. I do but, there is a part of me that is just waiting for him to show his face and if I had to be honest, he scares me." She met the grey gaze that had settled on her, the look carefully watching, "I might have played the strong woman who stuck up to you, Christian but, I was scared at how little _he_ cared for me. I hated how much he wanted to hurt me. How do I know I'm strong enough for that again?"

"Do you not think it scares me to go back to being him?" Christian asked her, understanding the demon that was pretty much occupying every waking moment. "I remember everything from before, during, from now and I just remember your face when Leila and I came home. It makes me sick, I want to punish someone for it but, I can't because if even I go after Bennett myself, I can't erase memories."

"I don't expect you to," Ana told him and pushed up completely, bringing her legs around so she was balanced and comfortable. "We both lived those weeks, Christian and neither of us can take those back but, why should we? If anything, knowing my love for you was what kept me there the most showed that I don't think I will ever love a man quite like I love you." She took a breath, wiped her tears and continued onwards, "But that other Christian that I lived with, he doesn't know how much I love you however much I proved it by fighting for you. I just want to make sure we have everything covered just in case."

It was irrational, but Ana just wanted a piece of security that would show, more than the house already did, how real Christian and Ana's love was for once another. It wasn't a big ask, but it would prove a memoir for years to come. One that could show their love story and how they both changed.

"So you want to write a diary or something?" Christian asked, trying to think of as many ways as they could secure their history in case the unthinkable happened again to them.

"Or something," Ana shrugged and felt like it was stupid idea, "But let's forget about it. I don't think you're going to change back and I will believe that. I won't believe I can lose you again. I won't."

"Ana," Christian said and dove at her, grabbing her arms to force her to look at him, "I want to make sure that whatever happens everyone knows how much I love you because believe me words do not express how much I love you, how much I am in love with you and how I plan to love you." He then gave her small smile, "No one will ever know how much this Christian is crazy about his wife."

Ana grinned, her blush shinning through on her paled features, "I don't think anyone will ever know how much we love _each _other."

"Well it's settled then, we can try and tell the world the story of us but, I do worried we might get caught up in the moment," He joked and Ana giggled. "So it's settled?"

"It's definitely settled," Ana confirmed and grinned at him, her eyes still forever soul searching in the depth of his. "I do want to know something else," Ana changed the subject in a gentle manner.

"What's that?" Christian queried, having no idea where the conversation was about to veer off to now.

"I just want to know how you're coping," Ana started and brought her hand up to push his hair out of his face, the softness like heaven to her finger tips. "Have you not any headaches or nosebleeds?" Ana fretted and had to ask him. She had to know that he was really okay and not just saying he was to keep her calm.

"None," He told her with sincerity as he climbed back onto the bed and resumed his earlier position. "Even with all that's gone on I have been thinking a lot."

"Thinking about what?" Ana asked and turned so her chin was resting on his chest.

"I want us to try for a baby. When you're better of course," Christian commented softly and he knew it was going to sound sudden but, the longing only seemed exacerbated since getting his memory back and hearing Ana say she was glad they didn't get pregnant when they thought they were. "I also want us to move and make a house a home."

"Well this is a change," Ana replied, consumed with domesticated bliss she released a contented sigh. "A pleasant change I'll admit." She snuggled down imagining a home that was for her and Christian. Would he end up building it from the ground up or chuck a celebrity out of their perfectly situated home for them to live? She actually didn't care as long as she woke up with Christian in it every day.

"Who bought you lilies?" Kate asked in disgust as she marched into the room. No privacy in this damn place was blatantly clear. Plus, Kate had seen the offending flowers outside waiting for disposal and knew immediately that Ana would be grateful but hate them. "I mean you're sick in hospital, someone should put a memo out that no lilies or tulips make it near you."

Ana laughed against her husband's chest before looking back up, "I'll get my husband on that little memo trip."

"Do, I saw how much you sneezed at my grandmother's funeral when you came with me. You literally bounced off that pew," Kate said with a slight chagrin at the memory and then inspected the other flowers, reading the cards, "I see a lot from Christian and a lot more from people I don't know."

"People I've snatched up thanking me for not dying I guess," Ana joked and watched as Kate finally left the multiple vases alone. "How come you're all here?"

"Shouldn't we be?" Grace asked as she came over to give her son and Ana a kiss hello. "I came to check on you but, the moment the girls found out they both were coming with me."

"Nowhere else I'd rather spend my Friday," Kate joked as she fell into one of the seats. Admittedly, the pregnancy was tiring her already. That and her husband had found his libido and about five other guys and kept her up all night. The baby had rekindled a new heated romance in them.

"Plus!" Mia piped up, her voice full to brim with excitement, her eyes alive with it. "We've decided that when you're cleared to we're going on a girl's holiday. Elliot's arranging for the guys to go but, we were thinking Barcelona or Madrid."

"No," Christian spoke up, sitting up as he felt terror build in his throat. "Why wasn't this passed by me? Ana's just recovering from surgery, she's still fighting off infections and you're planning a getaway away from me."

Ana reached up for her husband, gingerly sitting up herself, "Hey, calm down. It's not _from _you, Christian, but, it might do us good." She pushed her finger to his lips before he could put up a fight, "Think about it. It'll probably do me good to get away from everything that's happened and clear my head as well."

"And get away from me," Christian slandered the idea.

Sensing paranoia becoming vapid in the air, Ana knew she had to calm this, "Don't you dare start that!" The voice that erupted from her voice box was a bit more sterner than the voice she had intended but it worked and Christian looked at her. "If you think that's the reason I won't go but, look at the bigger picture here. I doubt I'll be up for an extended holiday-"

"It would just be a long weekend affair," Mia jumped in to point out how long.

"See, a long weekend. We'll have our phones, hell I'll take my laptop just to see you and when we get back you can be waiting for at the airport," She was sensitive with his feelings as she said this. "I think a break would do us all the world of good, Christian. It won't be happening now so just think about it."

"I'm scared everything will change," Christian fretted. Hell he was terrified he would change and Ana wouldn't be there to challenge him from the moment it happened. What did he do then?

"Nothing is going to change," Ana told him, trying to convey her optimism. "You're gonna be the same Christian who jets off with the boys like I'll be the same Ana that gets kidnapped by the girls. Do you understand?" She asked giving him a reassuring smile, it wasn't a whole, teeth baring grin but, it showed how much she was believing in that proclamation.

"I understand," Christian whispered as he unwillingly gave in.

"Good," Mia stepped in and looked at her brother. "I swear to God if you do change back to that asshole I will personally take Taylor's gun and shoot you myself," Mia threatened in the sweetest manner possible.

Ana looked at her husband's shocked face with much amusement, "Count yourself told, Mr. Grey."

All Christian could do was gulp and fell hot under the collar; his sister could be quite threatening when she wanted. How the situation had made her become.

Yeah, a holiday would do them all good!


	26. That Welcome Home

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_For those who thought that chapter 25 was the end you will be surprised ;) I said the end is nigh... Not quite yet but, it's coming! So enjoy what's left of this and thank you! _

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Twenty-Six

* * *

Ana couldn't believe she was finally home.

After being holed up in a hospital for another eight days, Ana had taken her discharge papers and practically wanted to frame them. However, that wasn't the case when she found herself practically pained and exhausted by the time they had all made it to the cars. Now she wished she had drugs on demand and professional help on hand twenty four seven.

She couldn't fault Christian though. He had been with her every step of the way. Hell, he even learnt how to change the bandages properly just so he could do it at home. If he was going to snap back to evil Grey then she wanted to be dead and buried when that apocalypse rained down upon them.

For now they were back in the beautiful state of marital bliss where they went to sleep in one another's arms and woke up that way. It was as thought nothing had ever happened and it was as though this was their destiny.

Their fate. Ana still believed strongly in that because she felt like her and Christian were stronger than ever regardless of her living on tenterhooks. She loved him, he loved her but, there was always that doubt in the back of her mind that bugged her – what if he changed over night?

Oh god, now she was sounding like him! One moment they were plodding along in marital bliss and bam one of them would sit there and wonder '_what if?_' for too long and sink back to the worry and doubt.

However, Ana was pleased that now she could squish that doubt with every passing day that evil Christian didn't resurface. It was like the hope she needed and they both knew that one day they would give up living day to day and just enjoy the life her and Christian had created for themselves.

Feeling her stomach rumble, Ana found herself craving chocolate and decided to get some herself. After all, thoughtfulness always made her hungry and chocolate was perfect for these moments. Going into the kitchen, she went over to the sweet cupboard, opened the door to it and then reached up gingerly and slowly to reach for a snack.

"Should you be doing that?" Christian called out from behind her and saw her jump slightly, jolting herself enough to clasp onto her side and feel her legs go weak. "Shit, I didn't mean to scare you, Baby."

"I'm fine," She ground out as she nursed her side heavily. "I'm just still tender and I caught the side of the counter top," Ana told him with an air of confidence to ease his guilt. "It winded me, that's all."

"Are you sure?" He asked as though he were grieving for her.

"Yes," Ana smiled, "I'm sure." She put her hands to his face, ignoring her side and kissed him. "Welcome home, Mr. Grey. How was your day?"

Christian began to calm and smile at that welcome home, "Better now I'm back with you. I hate knowing you're here and I'm there."

"I'm an incentive to come home to," Ana grinned at him playfully and wagged her eyebrows at him. "You should wanna work hard and fast to get home."

"Oh, I do wanna work hard and fast just not with work," He said as he pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her warily of her incision mark. "I cannot wait until we can consummate this new relationship of ours."

Ana giggled, "We consummate a _lot_ of things."

"Yes we do," Christian grinned and leaned in, pecking her lips once before looking at her, "The rooftop was by far the best one."

"Are we forgetting the Eiffel Tower?" Ana asked with a keen smirk, remembering their time in Paris.

"Oh no, I love how we defiled that monument," Christian spoke smugly remembering how he arranged for them to be alone on the Eiffel Tower for one evening and how, against one of the enormous brown steel support posts, he took his wife into ecstasy with Paris as a back drop.

Even though she was now pressed between her husband's and the kitchen counter, Ana had the niggling voices in her head – you're not healed enough. What if he changes again? You don't want to prolong your recovery. What if he changes again? However, Ana wasn't listened to the voice that concerned her husband's memory. No, she was more concerned with her own state of health and how exhausted she was from _resting_.

"I'll let you defile me when the doctor ticks that box," Ana seduced him, knowing that the days until sexual bliss were only in the horizon. "For now, Mr. Grey, are you okay to just kissing me like school kids?"

"Only if I can do it like a randy school boy?" He teased and lifted her up onto the counter top. "I'm fine with the kissing and the touching." He then reached up, kissing her as he did so, and opened the cupboard, "Now what was my wench after in this cupboard?"

"Chocolate," Ana told him immediately, her eyes lighting up with excitement. Not only was she getting chocolate but, she was getting her husband as well. Double whammy!

"You like chocolate way too much. I'm pretty sure given the opportunity you'd marry it," Christian teased her as he moved things in the cupboard, searching for something.

"It's illegal to marry that or Ben & Jerry's, otherwise I would have done it by now and be a happy 50 stone lonely woman."

"So I'm second best?" Christian played the mock hurt.

Ana shook her head as he handed her a bar of her favourite chocolate, "Nope, you're third best." She then looked at him, grinning brightly at him and then poked her tongue out at him. "Of course, you're my first pick, Christian!" She then eased herself down to the floor, "You taste just as good too," She winked and then grabbed his hand. "Come and cuddle me on the couch. I'm tired."

Listening, he went with her but, had to question why she was so tired. "Have you been over doing it, Anastasia?" Christian asked, berating her. "Have you?"

She shrugged as they walked. "I did some work that's all," Ana told him, chewing on her lip for a moment. If she wasn't still in her recovery period then she would have found herself thrown over her husband's knees and counting each new spanking as he delivered it upon her behind.

"Ana!" Christian shouted, "What the hell am I going to do with you? You're supposed to be on bed rest and I find you raiding the cupboards. You're supposed to be relaxing and healing and I hear you did work."

"Turning a page of a manuscript is hardly manual labour. I didn't even break a sweat," Ana protested, not about to feel bad for sitting and spending her day reading.

"It's still work," Christian growled. He knew it wasn't mega work but, it was still a point of stress.

"Tell me the difference between me reading an undiscovered author's book and reading one that's been published?" She watched him try and find an argument but, he was failing in finding one. So Ana smirked knowing she had won, "So please tell me what is so bad about me reading exactly?"

"Fine, but I dare hear you've taken a conference call or been on the phone all day with Hannah throwing your demands around I won't be happy," He warned and watched as Ana gave him a quickly guilty look before turning and walking away. "You didn't!"

"No," Ana lied but, she couldn't hide the devilish look on her face. She slumped down onto the couch and grabbed her fluffy blanket as Christian sat down. "I did nap for a while earlier. Does that make this better?"

"No," Christian admonished sharply. "I swear you don't understand what a recovery means. Maybe I should go and grab you a dictionary to reiterate the definition of the word _recovery_."

"I'm pretty sure you know what it means, Mr. Know-it-all," Ana literally challenged him back and as smugness grow over his entire face she rolled her eyes.

Christian, with a smug smirk, was having too much fun with berating her, "There's multiple but, one that strikes me comical as you do the opposite is the restoration to a former or better condition. I don't think my wife quite knows how to do that."

"At least I didn't eat a dictionary," Ana grumbled her smart ass remark and turned back to the TV. "I think it's only fair I recover how I'm comfortable."

"Why can't you just read books that don't require you're editing? That has to get stressful, surely?" Christian asked, only being this concerned because it involved Ana's health. "We have a library full of books you love."

"I haven't had chance to go in there much since that incident the first day you came home. I haven't been in there since then," Ana commented, only now realising how long ago it was since she had been in the library-piano room.

"That's my fault. I am so sorry, Ana. I wasn't me, I wasn't thinking," Christian apologised for the evil Christian's behaviour

"Stop it. Don't worry about them," Ana waved his concern off. "What's done is done. You're more important than some books."

"I still did it. I did that to you," Christian's apologises literally spewed out as the guilt sat itself on his shoulders again.

"Shh," Ana stopped him. "What's done is done. We move on. No more dwelling, okay?" She asked him and saw he was still cynical of her claim. "Okay?" She asked, her tone tensing up.

"Okay," Christian replied and watched her smile again and then allowed her to get s comfortable as possible and turn the TV back on. Christian felt awful for his demolition of the books. In the attack he had actually ripped apart a few first editions and he saw how that effected Ana. Those books were as sentimental to her as his piano was to him. Now he had been searching to find replacements and at least allow her to have the books back on her shelves.

He knew she was more upset than she let on and he knew one day he would feel wholly forgiven.

"What else is bugging you?" Ana asked, tipping her head back to look at him. She knew silence when watching TV but, this silence was tense and full of thoughtful elephants in the corner. She couldn't stay quiet when it was distracting her.

"I don't want you going away," Christian practically whined at her as he thought of her leaving next weekend.

Christian knew it was a weekend break for the girls, hell he was having one with the boys, but he felt like everything that happened had caused Ana to decide to break away from him. God, he remembered how sad she had looked when he told her he would take everything from her, blamed her for changing his lifestyle, loathed her. Anyone would want to run away from him after that.

"I will be back the following Monday morning," Ana told him with a smile, "We'll be flying into the same airport, Baby, practically at the same time."

"I just don't like being away from you. Not after you've been so ill," Christian told her, his need to keep her close becoming overbearing suddenly.

"I know," She pushed back his concerns, "But I need some space, Christian. I need you. _You_ need this." She lifted herself top half off of him so she could turn around to face him, "Believe me, Baby, our little reunion will be well worth it when we've both relaxed some and really gotten over all the drama of the past month or two."

"I'll just miss you so much," Christian whispered mournfully as he began to feel him fall into the darkest part of his mind. "I'm scared of you leaving me."

And there it was, in the cold light of day, the real reason to Christian's continual hesitancy to this holiday break – it being her get out clause after all of the pressure and strain.

"Oh no, Christian, don't be," Ana told him cupping his face. "I will be back after a few days. Remember you're leaving me too for four days," She saw that wasn't going to satisfy him so she said all she could right at that moment. "For now I'm here," Ana told him, and kissed him back tentatively. "It's still six days away, silly man," She reminded and curled up into him. "So for now, I'm here. Right here in your arms."

Christian had to loosen up at that idea. She would be back home right in his arms after four days.

A long weekend wasn't that long after all.


	27. Seperation Anxiety Kills

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_Even ill I managed to write this and I really did think I wouldn't manage it! But here it is! Thank you for all of the reviews and support guys =)_

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Twenty-Seven

* * *

"Maybe it was the car journey here," Mia's voice sounded muffled and yet so fervently heavy with concern through the door as she spoke. "I mean it was a lot of windy roads to get us here from the airport."

"And the heat," Kate pointed out as she came back in from the large decking for their villa.

"I haven't drank a lot today," Ana said as she came out from the bathroom holding her stomach. "I should have drunk more. I know I was supposed to but, I forgot and the food on the plane did not agree with my stomach one bit."

"I noticed you went a bit green, Steele," Kate mentioned and remembered how both her and Ana couldn't enjoy the food. It seemed Mia was the same as after one or two bites. "I think we better relax and make ourselves at home seeing as I plan to hang out poolside until our flight back Monday." Kate rubbed her hands together in glee, "So first we need to get food," Kate began to go to the kitchen to see what the villa had been stocked with per Christian's instructions.

"We need Ana hydrated before we go anywhere. I saw a drug store down the road," Grace perked up from her spot and went and grabbed her bag. "I'll be back and we'll look at what to do for dinner. For now I want to see you lot outside enjoying the sun and Ana get some fluids in you."

"I'll come with you, Grace," Elena piped up grabbing her own handbag and going over to Grace. "We'll leave the young ones to enjoy themselves."

"Oh no," Grace interrupted, "I'm fine going alone."

"Nonsense," Elena stopped her again with a cheerful giggle. "We'll be quick and I'll feel better if you're not alone. Anything could happen."

"It's a two minute drive down the road," Grace pointed out, "Plus we have a car. I doubt I'll get into any trouble

"Has anyone seen my phone?" Ana's voice cut them short, panic stricken and frantic as she dug through the bag she had on her on the plane. She was pulling everything out before Kate stepped in and stopped her.

"I have it," Kate commented cheerfully. "My husband and I predicted that you and Christian wouldn't deal well with the separation so soon after your reconciliation and we just knew you'd be pining for one another. So I have yours, my handsome man will have your husband's and you can call him later."

"What if he needs me?" Ana asked, her voice soft, her eyes doleful as she imagined Christian having a tough time.

Kate rolled her eyes, "He can survive half a day, Steele. And tonight, before you go to sleep you can call him and talk to him to your heart's delight. Deal?"

"I get no other option do I?" Ana asked and saw Kate shake her head. Letting out a miserable moan, Ana took a deep breath, "Fine but, if he needs me-"

"My husband will tell me," Kate said and then took Ana's hand. "Now, Steele, get a bikini on and get outside. The whole point of this weekend was to relax."

"Well I would if someone hadn't taken my only point of call to getting my husband!" Ana groaned and stopped, "Plus, I am not wearing a bikini with a bandage across my side. I'm bad enough with tan lines let's not add a giant rectangular one to my body."

Grace who had stalled leaving for a moment jumped in, "You can take it off, Ana, as long as you don't sit in the sun too long with the incision exposed. You don't want to get sun burn on that. I brought fresh gauzes with us so you can least be comfortable in the sun for a little bit. And you're stitches are under the skin so you can go swimming as well if you're careful."

Wincing at that idea, Ana shunned it, "I won't be going swimming I don't think. I'm here to lie out there," she pointed out to the pool beyond the back doors, "and _recover_."

"My son will be happy," Grace noted Ana's sarcasm. "Now, Elena if you want to come with me I'm going now." Grace spoke chirpily as she began to leave, Elena following straight out behind her.

"Better listen to mamma's orders," Mia chimed happily. "Let's get outside!" She then disappeared into the room she had dubbed for herself, humming happily away.

Ana had to laugh, "I guess we better get ourselves out there before our mother in-law comes back and gives us the telling off of our lives." She disappeared to her bedroom and quickly rummaged around her for her favourite bikini. Finding it, she quickly set to work getting it on and then carefully peeled away the gauzed she literally hated removing but, she knew the air would be good for it. And plus, she had Grace here. She had a doctor on hand. She was fine to do this!

Deciding to not let her new battle wound ruin this holiday, she grabbed a towel and went out to find the girls. She found them already dressed and fixing drinks and laughing away.

"I'm so ready to sleep," She spoke with a yawn and hated how exhausted she was getting after the entire ordeal with the kidney stones and operation. She was twenty-four going on eighty-four at the moment or so she felt.

"Wow, you do have smoking body," Kate exclaimed and just stopped herself from making a comment about a body after having a baby but, stopped herself. Nobody would but, Ana and Elliot knew and no one would until the twelve week scan. She really prayed she looked half as good once she had given birth to an Elliot spawn.

"But ouch, that still looks nasty," Mia pointed out and saw Ana cover up her right side. "Sorry, Ana, I didn't mean to pry but, it does."

"Try seeing it daily," Ana grinned weakly. "It looked so much worse days after the surgery that this is practically nothing."

"Go out, Ana, me and Mia are just working on drinks," Kate pushed Ana to go and relax and only scolded Mia when Ana was out of ear shot. She knew Mia was only speaking the truth but, Ana was going to have major self esteem issues as it was. She didn't need that made worse.

Ana just went and climbed onto one of the sun loungers and even those she was out here she could hear Kate having a word with Mia. She really did mind Mia pointing out her new wound mark. They all knew it was there and that was final.

Kate came out with an alcoholic free cocktail for her and a cocktail glass filled with water, "Mia is working on the most alcoholic beverage ever and I thought we would go for drinks both suited for our current health states." She grinned as she passed the drink down, "You've gotta drink more of the boring stuff so I put an umbrella in it and extra water shaped like ice."

"Thanks," Ana retorted sarcastically as she laughed at the absurdity of her friend's notion to keep her healthy. "I'm sure my one and half kidneys will appreciate it."

"I thought so," Kate giggled as she sat down and enjoyed being doused sunlight. "This is such a nice change isn't it?"

"Really is," Ana sighed happily took a gulp of icy water and finally released every stress and worry that had been placed upon since the day she got that phone call that changed her entire life. She'd barely closed her eyes when she heard Grace call out they were home and she realised she must have fallen asleep the instant she closed her eyes.

"We brought back tapas! We might as well eat traditionally," Elena exclaimed as she went onto the patio to find all three ladies relaxing - Kate and Ana together on beds whilst Mia said with her feet in the water. "I think that's an easy dinner after our flight here."

Grace waited as all three girls came in and she made a beeline for Ana. "Ana, come with me a moment," Grace tugged on Ana's hand and began to draw her away from the group. She could feel Ana's reluctance so she didn't pull her too far.

"What is it, Grace? Is everything okay?" Ana asked noticing that Grace looked bristled, ready for a difficult moment. "Grace?"

"I want you to take this," she handed her the bag. "I think you might be more than dehydrated, Ana." She gave a smile and left Ana alone with the bag.

Looking in, Ana saw pregnancy tests and quickly looked to see Grace encouraging her from her side of the room. Sighing, Ana went in and knew she wasn't ready for a positive test. She was still recovering for Christ sake. Her body was still healing and her husband was still in a frame of mind that made him feel the need to grovel.

Before she would have loved a baby but, right now, she was getting back into a way of life with Christian. She didn't want that to change right now and she certainly didn't want to jeopardise the progress the pair of them had made. Looking at herself in the mirror, she mentally gave herself a pep talk before she opened the first box and set to work on seeing if her future was about to change.

Waiting on the test, she practically bit her nails away and wanted nothing more than to quickly dial for her husband and hear him but, she didn't want him to find out the start of their potential family life over the phone countries apart.

Looking down, Ana knew she felt indifferent by the results. Wrapping the tests up and hiding them in the trash can, Ana left the bathroom and went to tell Grace the results.

"Negative," Ana whispered at her mother in-law. "All of them." It was so clear in Ana's voice that she was actually more upset about the tests being negative that she was physically letting on.

Grace scowled as Ana went out. She was so sure she was getting another grandchild.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

"I'll take that thank you," Elliot said plucking his brother's phone from his hand.

Christian growled and lashed out for his phone, "Give it back, Elliot! What if Ana calls?"

"Ana is currently sunning herself according to my wife so will you just relax. If you're phone goes off you'll hear it!"

"What if I miss her call?" Christian asked with so much agitation his skin was prickling. "I want to be able to answer her call."

"Right, Kate and I have a pact," Elliot began to tell his brother, "She's keeping Ana's phone on lockdown and I'm keeping yours. She's sending me updates, I'm sending her updates. All we want is for you two to get some rest and go back to your marriage fresh and ready. Now Kate literally just text me to tell me that Ana had literally fallen straight to sleep the moment she laid down by the pool. Does that satisfy you?" He asked his brother and saw his expression not change in the slightest. "What's wrong, bro? I mean, she's fine. You're not."

"I am just scared that if I'm here I'll stop remembering and she'll be heartbroken," Christian fretted out loud and could feel his heart palpitate at the idea of losing Ana again – knowingly or not.

"Any headaches?" Elliot asked, not really answering to the rest of that sentence. He watched Christian shake his head, "Well then will you please just enjoy yourself because I won't let you worry until you get one of those, a nose bleed or you start acting weird." Elliot sat up in his sun lounger and swivelled around so he a sitting on the edge looking at his brother. "I could just be riding on a bias train or something but, I don't think you're gonna be him again." He stood up, "If you do I'll personally take a baseball bat and hit you again." He gave a smile and began to walk away, "Now who's for a beer? Let's get this guys holiday started!"

Everyone chorused for one but, Christian.

Elliot swung around to look at his brother, "Christian?" Elliot asked as he stilled by the shallow end of the pool, "Are you gonna have some fun or am I going to need to call you _Christina _again?"

"Fuck off, Elliot and bring out the beers!" Christian exclaimed, half needing the beer, the other half wanting his brother to just leave him alone for a minute.

Christian did start to relax – after his third beer and then agreed to going down to the beach, hoping on a board and going water boarding. It seemed like a good idea up until the cool ocean spray sobered him up and he wanted his phone so he could call his wife. He knew once he was back he was going to get Taylor to give him his cell so he could check in.

Christian usually loved being on the water whether that be as the captain or the passenger. However, right now, he was not enjoying the motion of hitting waves or waiting on his brother to fuck up and fall off the board he was water boarding on.

Carrick came and sat down heavily next to Christian. "Live a little, Christian!" Carrick shouted over the excitement of the men as they watched Elliot stay on the board in the water. He could see his son's thunderous face didn't clear nor did he gain enthusiasm to idea of _living a little_ right now.

"Your mother sent me this," he spoke as he passed his cell phone over to his son and waited for him to take it. "Apparently she's exhausted but, they've got her relaxing in the sun."

Christian took the phone and looked at the photo displayed on it. There she was, his Ana, lounging on a sun bed right before the pool at their Barcelona villa, sun glasses on, a smile gracing her lips. The angry red line of her surgery shining brightly against her sun kissed skin as she chilled out with Kate on side and Elena on the other.

"According to your mother Ana had a little issue when they first arrived where she was vomiting but, once they got her drinking more water she settled and felt better," Carrick told Christian and gave a reassuring smile. "You're mother has it under control."

"She was told to do to drink more water," Christian grumbled at the phone. "I swear that woman doesn't listen to protocol," Christian ran a hand over his face. "Can I just ring her?"

"No," Carrick replied and took his phone back. "Your mother text me again as we were setting off out here. Ana's fallen asleep so she wants her to stay rested and let this weekend away do what it's supposed to."

"And he's down!" Ethan screamed out as he and Jared watched Elliot fly into the water leaving the board to float behind the boat. "We have a man down!"

"C'mon Elliot!" Jared yelled out, cupping his hands around his mouth, "You can do better than that."

"I think my brother can!" Elliot shouted back as he swam towards the slowing boat as Taylor pulled it in as close as possible without Elliot winding up hurt. "C'mon, Christian, it seems that you are turning into the boring one here!"

"Just because I don't wanna make a dick out of myself doesn't mean I'm the boring one," he shouted at his brother as he climbed back on board. "Honestly I can think of better things to be doing."

"Like sitting on the phone with Ana?" Ethan mocked and got approving remarks from everyone.

Christian nodded, "She's my wife who was just really ill. Sorry, if she's a priority."

"We understand that, Christian. Christ, we sat by her bedside as well but, she is doing what she's supposed to so now it's your turn to just relax and enjoy the manly side of this holiday. Please, little brother. Do it to shout your big brother up."

"Fine," Christian caved and unwillingly he allowed them to coerce him into the water and even though he wanted his wife, he did enjoy himself. Even if he did just go with it and couldn't wait to just be back at their own villa!

Later that evening, just as they finished up eating their own makeshift meal, Christian heard his phone ring out and he didn't even think twice about answering. "Hey," He answered and for the first time since landing in Madrid he relaxed completely at seeing his wife's face appear on his screen.


	28. The Welcome Back

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_Well, I thought I was going to have to disappoint you all and not update... I didn't think I'd have a muse at gone 10pm once I had gotten home from work and everything... but apparently this chapter wrote itself in next to no time! That's a result ;) So I hope you enjoy... and thank you! _

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Twenty-Eight

* * *

"Their flight has landed," Taylor commented, with Gail by his side. She might have not gone away but, she had been there waiting for him on arrival. "They should be out soon."

"An hour too late," Christian grumbled unhappily. He had deliberately made it so that both flights arrived at the same time. However, Barcelona seemed to not care about Christian Grey's plan and had left the men waiting around for their other halves to touch back down on Seattle ground.

Taylor had to laugh, "And boy does the airport know about that."

"It's ridiculous," Christian remarked, his tone heated and ready for a fight. He just wanted that sweet reunion but, it appeared life had other ideas. "I should buy this fucking airport and fire everyone that works here just so I get competent workers."

"Why haven't you?" Taylor asked and Christian broke enough to let out a spark of laughter.

"There's my girl!" Elliot exclaimed as he saw his wife waltz through arrivals towards him.

Christian watched as Kate ran to Elliot, Grace to Carrick, Mia reconciling with Ethan. Hell, even Elena was getting love from Jared and yet Christian's heart began to pound against his rib cage. He looked up but, only saw strangers and her hated them all. They were of no significance to him and he felt like they were keeping his Ana away from him. It had been a fraught couple of days but, right now the minutes were taunting him like little demons. Where the hell was she?

He felt as if he was going to break any moment. The longer he waited, the worse he felt but, then the masses began to disperse, running off into the arms of their loved ones and suddenly there she stood – his wife, the light of his life, the mender of his heart. She stood with a small smile on her lips, her hair bouncing freely framing her now gently sun kissed skin and he had never seen a better sight in all his life.

Going up to him, she dropped her bag, placed her hands to the outline of his jaw lines and reached up to kiss him the best welcome home ever. She felt his arms encase her, pulling her securely to his broad chest, their hearts beating as one and it was as though the separation didn't matter anymore. It was gone and forgotten. They were where they belonged after all.

As she fell back onto the flats of her feet, Ana gazed up at him, taking in the best sight ever. "My shoe lace was undone," she grinned at him. "I knew if I left it I would end up on my face. I wanted you to have me back unhurt." She tilted her head, "Or no more hurt than I am," she giggled at him and just realised that her husband was just staring at her. "Are you going to just stare at me or am I going to get to hear your voice?" Ana asked teasingly and realised the breakaway had done more than just made her relax. She had no doubt that this man was her husband. The seed of doubt didn't implant in any part of her mind.

Christian didn't speak, he just brought her back to his body, kissed her with the same emotion he had on their wedding day before releasing her and holding her close to him. "I've missed you so much," Christian spoke into her neck. He was indulging in every element of her but, most of all; he was revelling in how complete he felt as a result of having her back in his arms. "Don't ever leave me."

"I won't ever leave you," Ana said and pushed back to look up at him, his arms still around her, the strain playing on her side a little. "Not for long anyway. Mr. Grey, I know I have no reason to leave you."

"Oh, now that sounds like something I should get documented," Christian countered, remembering how he kept the '_Mrs Christian Grey'_ note in his wallet now.

"You should," Ana spoke back, her tone feather light, her eyes literally dancing with excitement of the moment to come and she knew this was going to be a moment she would remember forever.

"I should?" He asked her back, "And why is that?"

"Because I'm pregnant," she told him, whispering it at him to make their moment so much more personal in the middle of public area. She surveyed his features, "I know this isn't the right time but, I am and I-"

"You're fucking incredible!" He cried out, a smile gaining voltage as the thought began to become one with his realisation. "Oh God, baby, we're having a baby!" He then picked her up, kissing her as he spun her before putting her down, "Shit, I didn't hurt you did I?"

"If you let me go a little you'll be good," She told hand he released her. "I said a little! Not completely."

"I didn't want to hurt you," he told her impishly. "Or cause you damage."

"I'm made of harder stuff you silly man," she scolded him and then kissed him, feeling his arms latch around her again as the news of a baby turned passion into lust. The fervour of the moment was only maximised by the wait to see one another after the holiday.

"Put her down," Kate crashed the moment. "Did you just tell him you were pregnant?"

"You said the tests were negative on Friday," Grace jumped in, stepping in towards Ana. Clearly the sadness on Ana's face wasn't because she wasn't pregnant. It was for a whole totally different reason.

"I lied," Ana admitted, biting her lip a little. "I'm sorry, Grace, but no one was giving me my cell and I didn't want everyone knowing before Christian," Ana admitted softly. "I'm sorry for lying to you."

"Don't be. I should be apologising to you," Grace noted and gulped.

"You should?" Ana asked confused, trying to make sense of that comment.

Christian felt the same, "What is there to apologise for?"

"I knew you were pregnant," Grace stepped up and notice as everyone take a step towards her. "How about we just go back and celebrate?" Grace asked with a bright, devilishly smirk.

Ana shook her head, "How did you know?"

"We'll discuss this back home," Grace mentioned and knew that this would either go brilliantly well or horrendously wrong. She knew that whatever she would be able to deal with it better in the comfort of anyone's home.

Nobody needed telling twice. They all wanted to get home but, they also wanted to know the motive behind Grace's decision. Deciding on Escala, everyone got into the cars waiting and rushed to Christian and Ana's home. They were going to enjoy being back with the retrospective other halves and now the fact that they were going to be having two babies to welcome into the family fold.

As soon as they were home the champagne was out and the glasses were being filled. Kate and Ana sat at the breakfast bar talking animatedly about the fact that their babies were due on top of one another. This meant their children would be best friends just like their mothers were. Christian sat and watched his wife and Kate with Elliot and the butterflies in his stomach buzzed to life so excitedly that he couldn't wait to set them free.

"Can you believe we're both going to be dads?" Elliot asked as he watched his wife and Ana just like Christian. "I'm shit scared, Christian, but I feel better knowing I've got you to go through it too."

Christian couldn't withhold the smile he felt grow at hearing that. After everything, he and his brother's relationship wasn't damaged in any way, shape or form. "Me too, Lelliot, me too."

"Apple juice for the pregnant ones," Mia came between Kate and Ana and handed them a flute each of fruit juice. She was a hubbub of excitement and there was no hiding it from anyone right now. She had come back with reluctance with how Ethan would be but, he had taken her in his arms and kissed her like it was the first few months of their relationship. The week apart had shown she couldn't live without him and she hoped the kiss showed the same for him.

"Thanks," Ana accepted the drink and then turned her attention on to Grace. "Now, I want to know how you knew I was pregnant."

"Yes," Christian stepped in, "I want to know that as well."

"Promise me you won't go ballistic?" Grace asked them, seriously wondering she had done the right thing now. "I didn't do it to for selfish reasons. I know how much having a baby means to you. So please don't hate me."

"I won't," Ana vowed, knowing that Grace had a good reason. She could never hate Grace. She looked to her husband, prompting him to speak up as well knowing he would never be able to hate his mother as well.

"Promise," Christian relented, just wanting to know what his mother was thinking when she held life changing information from them.

"When you had that last blood test done to see how well the infections were clearing up, I took a look. I was more or less hoping to be ready to be there in case it was worse or whatever. I didn't expect it to say that you were pregnant as well," Grace looked at her son and daughter in-law. "It wasn't to be dishonest but, where you two were back then I knew that sort of news would be too much. I asked your doctor to not say anything and I will say this now," she paused and took a deep breath, "I don't regret doing so. I don't think finding out those weeks back was the right time for that bombshell."

"So when we picked up the pregnancy tests it was to make Ana find out in her own way?" Elena asked as she connected the pieces together.

Grace nodded, "Whilst making it look like it was just motherly intuition on my half."

"Well my mom is going to be ecstatic," Ana mumbled as she wondered the one hundred and one ways she could tell her mom she was finally pregnant even after having a husband treat her as if she were a leech in his bank account. "She couldn't come on the holiday and now she missed out on te baby news."

"Baby, when you tell her it will be just as special," Christian told his wife and took a seat beside her. "This baby is special."

"It really is," Ana grinned at him and knew that the baby in her stomach was going to be loved to such extents it might be claimed as scary. "We're having a baby, Mr. Grey. We're finally having a baby!" She said as her excitement and happiness exceeded all levels of expectations.

"We really are!" Christian replied with a kiss, quite literally wanting to take Ana to the bedroom and rekindled that side of their marriage again. However, with her still healing, he knew that idea was well and truly scuppered.

She grinned at him but, felt the sudden urge to rush to the bathroom. "Right I really need to pee. I'll be right back," she kissed her husband, climbed down from her perk at the breakfast pair and left the celebrating family. Thinking about it, she was more than a little excited to tell her mother that she was going to be a grandmother.

And as she thought about it, she realised that this baby was the perfect ending after hell unleashed its fury on her life.

Now she just needed to finish up in the bathroom and get back to celebrating. She'd felt discomfort but, now there was blood. The cramping she had no idea would be something severe. She just prayed it was a complication with the surgery and not the baby. "Christian!" Ana cringed as a sharp pain hit her and she cried out again. "Oh God, no," she whispered as she forced herself from the bathroom. "No," she sobbed as she felt the pain rip through her and she didn't know if this was a case of her over doing it or if she was losing the baby. God, she was praying that it wasn't the latter. She heard her name being called as she crossed the bedroom and saw Christian come running at her, the family behind him.

"Ana," He said as he went to her, "What's a matter?"

"I've got cramps," she practically sobbed the words out, "And I'm bleeding."

Christian looked at everyone in a mad burst of panic, not knowing what to do. He couldn't cope with losing the baby. The grief would consume him as much as if he was to lose Ana from his life. He couldn't have that. He wouldn't let that happen. Reminiscent of when she collapsed days before, Christian just scooped her up, grabbed his keys and ignored everyone – his mother included.

He needed to get his wife to a hospital before this got worse.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _Now I wasn't going to do drama but, after discussing it I felt this would be perfect for what's to come in the final chapters... Hold on and wait for chapter 29 ;)_


	29. How To Gain Forgiveness

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_PENULTIMATE CHAPTER GUYS! Can you believe it?! I want to thank everyone who carried on with this regardless of how long evil Christian was here for or how long Ana suffered... and who got involved in the final cliffhanger I left you with. I'm sorry for no update yesterday... Life on a Sunday was busy – no rest the wicked I guess ;)_

_I'll shut up now and let you read!_

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Twenty-Nine

* * *

By the time they got to the hospital, Ana was hysterical. Christian had made no effort to leave his wife's side and anyone who tried to make him leave simply got abuse hurled at them. After all, it was his wife that was in pain and panicking and right now he was in no mood to leave her to suffer any of this alone.

"I shouldn't have gone away," Ana cried as she practically curled herself into a ball. They were waiting terrified in an examination room in the emergency department for a nurse to come in to give Ana an ultrasound. "This has to be my fault."

"No," Christian quit his pacing to rush to her bedside where he grabbed her hands and forced her to look at him. "Ana, no, please don't do that. Please don't put the blame on you. You didn't know this would happen. Fuck, we don't even know what's happening."

"I'm losing the baby that's what happening!" Ana screamed at her husband as grief seemingly wrapped around her lungs and heart and began to crush her and starve her of oxygen. "That's what's happening," Ana's aggression seemed to shudder into sobs just as her husband reached for her body and crawled onto the bed with her. "We're losing our baby," she cried into his chest, the desolation literally filling the room.

Christian closed his eyes shut and tried to not believe his wife's words but, how could he not? She was so sure and the signs were all there and the longer they were left after the first general examination the more he believed the doctor was just delaying the inevitable.

Baby Grey was already gone.

"We don't know for sure," he fought her back. He was unwilling to believe his chance at fatherhood was so short lived. He couldn't believe it was so quickly over. He was in utter disbelief because the terror that was running wild in him was enough to consume anyone and he knew he wouldn't be able to cope if it was set freer than it was. "Please, don't conclude that this is the worse," he whispered as the nurse finally came in.

Ana now felt the moment of truth dawn upon her as the nurse asked her – in a sickly sweet, delicate tone – to turn onto her back and pull up her top to allow her to get an ultrasound image. Even though she listened and did as she was told, Ana was forcing herself mentally away from the moment. Even the ice cold gel didn't bring her around to being _'present'_.

She couldn't even bring herself to look at the screen. She didn't want to know that the first sonogram she was having of her baby was to determine whether its death was over with or not. She didn't want to know at all and so she just stared at her husband who sat with her hand enclosed by his pressed to his lips. She had to look closely to see if he was actually breathing because without close inspection someone could assume he wasn't.

"I think you need to look at this," the nurse commented suddenly and hit a few buttons after stilling the Doppler to Ana's abdomen. She looked to see Ana not even respond this time, and gave Christian a sympathetic smile, "If you won't look then I can't show you what I've found."

"Nothing," Ana snapped desolately, "You've found nothing. Why would I want to see that?"

The nurse didn't say anything for a moment. She just turned back to the machine, hit a few buttons and sat silent for a moment. "If you won't look at least listen to this."

As a whooshing filled the room, slowly Ana's head began to move to the side to look. Curiosity made her turn little by little to look at what the nurse was trying to get her to see. "What is that?"

"That, Mrs. Grey, is your baby's heartbeat," the nurse broke into a bright, sentence affirming smile. "You're not having a miscarriage. Pretty much far from that actually," she alerted the expectant parents and took their expression in great strides. "Now we've ruled out that your baby is more than a little healthy I think it's time we really found out what's causing you to bleed and experience the cramping."

"The baby's okay?" Ana asked, looking between her husband and the young nurse. "Like really okay?"

The nurse nodded. "I'll print you off the photo of your baby as well so you can have verification for yourselves." She saw the pair were still in shock, especially Ana and knew that she had to give the optimism that this wasn't something that would leave them with so much grief. "From the size of the baby I would say you're around six weeks but, it would be worth getting an appointment with an OB/GYN to make sure everything's as good as I see it and to get yourself a due date." She gave them a smile, "Now I'm going to go and get a doctor and rush your bloods."

As she left them taking the ultrasound machine with her, Ana wiped her stomach clear of the gel and brought her top back down, only to turn to her husband, "We didn't lose our baby." Mentally working it out, Ana realised that meant in the restaurant. She gained a UTI and a perfect baby that day! The relief that washed through her was blissful but, she worried at what was causing her so much discomfort right at that moment. She was keeping well hidden the pain in her because right now, knowing her and Christian's baby was healthy and still alive. However, it seemed her husband hadn't quite seen that. "Hey," Ana reached out to snatch her husband's hand. As she caught his fingers, she tugged him towards her stopping him in his stride. "We're okay."

"No we're not," Christian snapped back, unable to see clearly right now as tears of relief filtered into his vision, threatening to blind him. "How are we okay?"

Sitting up, Ana found the cramping exacerbated but, her husband needed her. "We are. Don't say we aren't. Not after everything, Christian." She didn't want to think that this near miss was going to cost them more than they thought, "What is the matter with you? We just escaped one of the worse moments that could ever happen to us and you're acting like this. What is wrong with you?"

"I was so scared," Christian admitted and felt ashamed of the fear. "If you lost that baby I think that would have killed us. I honestly think that would be the one thing that breaks us. I can't bear the thought of it. I can't even begin to imagine it. That baby is a part of you, Ana, and to lose it would be to lose you. I don't know if this is what you felt when you came into my hospital room all those weeks ago but, I feel like someone just stole my heart right out of my fucking chest and starting ripping it apart."

"I felt that," Ana admitted to him softly. She dropped her gaze, gulped deeply for courage and then looked up at him, "But getting you back made everything right. Like right now, knowing that I was still pregnant stopped all the emotional pain. Christian, we're going to be just fine. I truly believe that."

Slumping down onto the bed, Christian felt his body sag, "I know I can never make up for all that happened, Ana, because after feeling so much despair at the thought of us losing this baby I realise that nothing will ever heal a wound that big. I caused you so much pain and I don't know how I can ever make it right. How do I make it right to the woman I love?" He looked at her with eyes so full with despair that Ana couldn't even measure any other emotions. "How do I make up for all the God awful things I did and now regret? How do I make it up to myself for doing such horrible things?"

"Your regret does that," Ana replied, trying to get him to see sense. The amount of remorse he had for his actions showed how sorry he was. His words were futile when he looked like he was ready to drop to his knees and beg and plead for forgiveness every single day.

"No it doesn't," Christian almost sneered back her. "Fuck, Ana! I wanted to divorce you! Said I hated you, made you feel like you had created me into a monster. Made you feel unloved in your own home. Don't you see that I am not worth the forgiveness?" He began to a mad pace, unable to adhere to his wife's wishes to stop. He felt so lost like the weeks had deemed ruined. He didn't deserve a wife like Ana or a baby made from their love.

Unable to cope with this, Ana sat up more, feeling her body fight back with pain; she channelled the pain in her body to add character and force to her voice. "Christian!" Ana shouted out over him after her failed attempts to get him to calm. Her voice obviously travelled with enough ferocity that he listened, "Christian, having you here, right now, right when I really need you makes it all better. I wouldn't have survived if I hadn't had you here. If you thought I was pregnant to trap you. I have you here, as my husband, as the father of our unborn baby and that makes this all that better." She looked at him, her eyes filled with such veracity as she thought about her next words carefully, "Everything we went through; all those words, all those actions, they made us stronger. It's insane but, I found myself unable to stop loving you even though you were callous and evil and twisted as hell. The more you pushed me the way the more defiant I felt in making you see that I was a prominent fixture in your life. Whether you wanted me to be there or not, I wasn't giving up. There is nothing that will ever make me give up this life. Can't you see that?"

And just like that, every restraint that held Christian hostage snapped and fell from his body. He fell into his wife's embrace finally sated and free of the curse of the past few weeks. He cried as liberation took over his veins and laced throughout him enough to release his body from its chokehold. Here he was with his wife and their unborn baby and he was happy. He was truly happy and with the power of his wife's words he knew he could take it with both hands and know he deserved it.

The two were so lost they didn't even notice Grace come into the room. She took a few moments to watch over them before she coughed to let them know she was there. She watched the tear stretched pair look up at her and she saw both of their relief dissolve.

"Don't look so worried," she gave a reassuring smile before continuing, "From your blood work it seems you've got kidney stones again."

"These kidney stones are going to be the death of me," Ana mumbled and realised she had survived them once, she could do it again. She felt her husband laugh at her annoyed mumble and she looked up at Grace, "Please tell me there's no more surgery for me."

"No surgery just yet," Grace told them and even she was at ease with that medical notion being avoided. "The medication should help you excrete the stone yourself unlike before so you'll be dosed up and it's a waiting game but, we have to do scans again to assess the size and position and then we'll get started on the right course of treatment."

"Can you give her anything for the pain?" Christian asked as he gained his stature and stood beside Ana's bed as the omnipotent husband. He looked to Ana to see her gawping and he smirked, "Don't look at me so shocked, Mrs. Grey. I can read you like an open book."

"It just feels like such a long time since you went all controlling over me," she grinned up at him and spun her head around as a knock rapped against the door.

The nurse came in, threatened by Grace's position in the hospital and by Christian's newest demeanour. For a guy, he sure liked his mood swings. "Erm, I was just bringing you these," she held up a bunch of small photos and gave them a smile.

"Is that?" Grace couldn't finish her comment as she realised that Ana was officially pregnant. She watched Ana nod her head as Christian reached down and put his hand on Ana's shoulder which she immediately covered with her hand.

"I'd say Mrs. Grey is about six weeks but, they know to get in contact with an OB/GYN," the nurse gave a curt smile and handed over the photos to the expectant parents. "The ED doctor will be in any minute now but, apparently Dr. Trevelyan-Grey is taking over though."

"I am," Grace told her and shook Ana's file at the young nurse for verification. "Can you arrange an ultrasound again just so we can be safe," Grace ordered firmly but, even when she was full on doctor she was still the friendly woman they knew at home. "Also I want Ana to have a dose of pain relief to help with the pain until we find out what's wrong exactly."

The nurse excused herself and then Grace did the same. She wanted this sorted and Ana located to a room for monitoring as soon as. Not left in the limbo that was the emergency department of any and all hospital.

Settling down, Ana just allowed herself to wait in vain for the hospital to find out what was really wrong with her. It didn't take long for them to find the malicious kidney stone that was causing her to bleed and get her something that didn't only numb the pain but, make it nonexistent. Now she just had to make it through an overnight stay and hopefully the stone would pass in that time and she could go home.

"You should sleep," Christian spoke softly after taking her in his arms on the hospital suddenly breaking the silence that had settled in the room. "It's been a long day."

"I am really tired," Ana admitted, feeling the backlash of jetlag and the emotional turmoil she had gone through today. She snuggled in tight against his chest, hearing his beating heart and feeling his warmth, "Today's been perfect."

Christian laughed, "It has?" He had to ask how his wife could make sure an absurd comment, "How does that work out?"

"We're having a family," she whispered, a blissful smile grazing across her lips. "You and me and little baby Grey." She smiled as she calmed against his body, feeling ready to slip into a calming sleep. "After everything, we still have the perfect end to our little love story."

"Love stories never end, Ana," Christian murmured to her, knowing that he wanted their love story to continue for absolute years. "Now go to sleep, my beautiful wife."

"Okay," she mumbled back, showing just how exhausted her body was at this point of time.

Christian lay awake, Ana now sleeping soundly against his chest, the first ever photo he had of his unborn child in his hand. Here they were all were - his own perfect little family.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _I am not mean enough to kill their baby! I'm just mean enough to stop hearts ;)_


	30. Cooking Up Mayhem

**Disclaimer: **_I own nothing but my ideas and creative license._

**A/N: **_I am actually quite sorry to see this story end now I've reached that point... But alas, I can't make it into another version of 'Fifty Shades Abandoned' for fear of ruining it with overkill. So thank you for everyone who has reviewed, favourite, shared and begged for more... You are all amazing! _

_Now enjoy the last chapter..._

_**Fifty Degrees of Love **_**– **Chapter Thirty

* * *

Christian didn't say anything. He didn't move, barely breathed. His eyes hooked on its target unable to move them away. She was still a mesmerizing sight – even when she was nearly full term with their first child. Their own little baby girl. He had imagined this pregnancy a lot different but, it appeared that Kate was having the pregnancy he had envisaged. Ana was still shocking him every day.

Unlike most pregnant women, Ana still danced around – bump and all – still woke him up in the middle of the night when her libido seemed to stop her sleeping. She barely complained about her swollen ankles or her back ache or how their little invader was making her fat.

To Ana their baby, their daughter, was a gift and she lived every day proving that. Of course, being only human, she caved to hormones and cried on occasion and she would moan that she couldn't walk far or that she needed a nap but, Ana literally took this pregnancy in stride. After everything they went through this was a breeze in comparison.

He could hear the song on, a song from almost years ago and couldn't feel a little conflicted by Rihanna's to 'What's My Name'. Especially for a short period he had forgotten Ana. Reflecting back it was the darkest moments of his life. He never thought a time in his life would be worse than what he had gone through at the hands of his own biological mother and consequently how lost he felt but, nearly losing Ana was by far the 9th circle of hell for him.

Since the point of all memories and reason coming back to him, he had been living on cloud nine with his wife and he didn't seem them coming back down any time soon.

That thought brought him back to his Ana as she stood with her back to him, her butt shaking from side to side as she sang away the moment. He was waiting for that moment she would turn around and look at him. He needed to be bestowed with that welcoming look she gave. The one where her eyes would darken with pleasure, the smile that told him he was really home and the kiss that would just excite every nerve ending.

As she dipped her finger into the cake mix, she spun around, singing away with the song, "Oh na na, what's my name?" The end of the sentence almost trailed off as she realised her husband had been watching her and from the small smirk on his lips and his casual position against the door frame he had been there a while. _Crap!_ As the blush grew on her lips she shoved the cake batter covered finger in her mouth and smiled innocently around it.

"I'm curious," Christian pushed away from the frame to step into the Moroccan style kitchen of their newest home with a business man's demeanour. He walked up to his wife and stepped in front of her, a small gap between them, his hands still in his pockets.

"Curiosity can be a killer," Ana pointed out to him with an easy tone and rested herself against the counter top behind her. "Satisfaction's always a reviver so share your curious thought, Mr. Grey."

He pulled his hand out of his pocket and ran a hand over his chin and up his jaw with thoughtfulness before dropping it back to his pocket. "I swear women nearly two weeks from their due date are supposed to be complaining about wanting their bodies back and how tired they are and how they can't get comfortable and can't see their feet," Christian ran over a few of many details he had noted in the multiple books he had read over.

Ana looked down, "that view disappeared a long time ago, hubby." She then looked back up from her bump and smiled, "That's why I have you paint my toes for me." She winked at him as he let out a light chuckle. "Plus, those books are written about most women. I'm not most women."

"Oh, isn't that the damn truth," Christian commented as he pulled he to him and placed his hands on her hips. "I just want to know my wife and child are fine. Most pregnancies end up the same," he paused and he knew she knew what he was going to say, "With rest and not a lot of over exerting."

"Well contrary to popular belief, Mr. Grey, baby Grey and I are coping just fine with a little dancing here, a lot of singing there and a whole lot of sitting on our bums the rest of the time," she smirked at him, and gave him a little push so he was backed against the middle island of the kitchen units. "I was going to do yoga but, dancing and cooking for my baby daddy was a lot more _appetising_." Taking a few graceful steps forward – admittedly with a slight waddle – Ana reached up with her arms and held her hands at the back of his neck. "This bump is making it extremely hard to get close to you."

"We could always go and spoon," Christian commented, seduction lacing in with his voice.

"You don't like to spoon," Ana reminded him, putting a hands to his shoulders. "You tell me you get a face full of hair, a dead arm and in the morning you end up with an awkward hard on."

Christian had to laugh at that. "Maybe so but, you do love it. You sleep better when we spoon," Christian told her and Ana's face immediately softened towards him. "Baby, don't give me that look. I only eat strawberry ice cream because it's your favourite flavour lately."

"But it's your favourite," she then gawped at him in shock before melting entirely, her eyes watering. "Oh God," she tried to roll her eyes to stop the tears, "You really are the best husband ever."

"Only to the best wife ever," he reminded her with a heavily placed beaming smile. "I only ever want to see you happy, Ana. That is my life goal and that will always be my life goal. As long as you're happy and loved my life is complete."

Ana's lip trembled, "I really do love you, Christian. My life is perfect with you." She stepped back towards him, linked her arms back around his neck and reached up on tip toes to kiss her husband leisurely. Ana's inner Goddess struck up then as Christian strengthened the passion and the fervour raged wildly through both of them.

It seemed that since the sweet reunion their bodies were more in tune and both responded with the same zeal and lust. The moment their bodies were united sexually after all the drama months ago it was as though the world stopped for a moment waiting on the fire to spread in a wild manner. Ana felt the butterflies become unsettled the moment her and Christian had began to consummate the new turn in their relationship and when they were set free fireworks exploded. Sex was passionate before but it seemed that when they survived fate pulling them apart their love was reaching all new levels of infatuation. Their love was literally an obsession for both of them.

Even as the kiss ended, the pair continued with little pecks before pulling away from one another. "You're stamina amazes even me, Ana Grey."

"It's because I know after there's always cake," she quipped sarcastically, that playful glint in her eyes. "Wanna help me make it?" She asked him, "We have time to play whilst it's in the oven cooking."

"Can't Gail cook it?" Christian asked, hoping to take this moment to bedroom sooner rather than later.

Ana shook her head, "I want to bake a cake. That's why I started."

"Started eating the cake mix more like," he teased and she hit him. "Hey! I caught you remember?" He asked her and saw her try and cover up the fact his hand little caught her red handed – well actually she was cake handed.

"I was tasting it," she tried to think of a good reason but, knew her lie was a fail. "Think of the fun we can have with the icing later," she murmured softly, implying just what type of fun they could really have. "So help me bake now and we can have kinky time and a cake to top it all."

"Hang on," Christian twisted around her to see the bowl and tasted the mix. "You're craving red velvet cake again aren't you?"

"Sex and eating cake is my perfect day," she gave a shrug at him, "Arrest me." She knew her husband had her matched perfectly right this moment. He knew that she was baking a cake and saying it was for him when really it was to appease her craving. "Tie me up and teach me a lesson."

"Once we've got this baking done," he told her and gave her look to tell her he was only biding his time to lavish her body with his touch.

Ana set to work pouring the cake mix in the baking tin, Christian made quick work to put it in the heated oven and was glad that most of the work was done before he came home. It meant his yearning didn't have to pang in his pants for too long. As he went back over to her she raised her hand to his face and covered it with red velvet mix.

"You're yummier now," she joked and giggled as he stood with leftover cake mix on his face.

"Oh, you've done it now," he growled predatorily at her and then picked her up without breaking a sweat. He ravished her with a kiss before turning a little of his more dominant side on. "Time for a thirty minute session for that," he whispered at her and carried her off. He planned to do nothing but make love to her but, he liked how good it felt to take control. "You're all mine," he told her firmly and then started the journey to the stairs to carry her up them to their master bedroom.

As Ana's giggles were heard through the house, Taylor looked to his own wife from his position in the security office as she pottered around cleaning and smiled to himself. This was the perfect life for everyone.

Only happiness and love roamed the rooms.

And only happiness and love would continue to dwell here.

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

_**The end!**_

**-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- **_**Fifty Degrees of Love**_** -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-**

**A/N:** _I know a lot of you wanted more, hell even a sequel... but right now neither are on my agenda, but you never know what the future has in store... So we'll see... For now I'm focusing on one new story, my current Fanfics and my original work =)_

_Thank you everyone for your love, support and reviews._


End file.
